Love or Pride
Posted by: sulz on: February 6, 2008
Today’s handwritten valentine is for my dearest museditions. The picture is taken off an old calendar page. I saw it and immediately thought of my sweet friend.
*
It’s better to lose your pride to the one you love, than to lose the one you love because of pride.
One part of me agrees with the first half of the quote. Losing my pride to the one I love is a small loss compared to losing the person I love because of my pride. Whatever happened between me and my loved one that has caused me to lose my pride would probably cease to be meaningless 10 years in time, although my pride may feel terribly wounded in that moment. After all, you can gain your pride back, or rather the feeling of the loss of pride will go away eventually.
The other part of me disagrees. In the first place, if that person is my loved one, he or she would not do something to make me lose my pride. But we are all human, so I guess my loved one can unintentionally caused me to lose my pride. Perhaps the losing of my pride may even be my own doing, but I’d think that my loved one would love me enough to tolerate me and help me to not lose my pride. After all, it can be pretty awkward to lose one’s pride, whether it’s your own or your loved one’s.
I think I’m leaning slightly more to losing my pride than losing my loved one, but that other side of me still thinks, how much of your pride can you lose to your loved one? Everyone has a limit; you have to maintain some semblance of dignity because you have to love yourself too. What if your loved one tests the limits of your pride? Do you hang on to your pride or do you hang on to your love?
I think when it comes to love, there’s no room for pride!
As for pride, love can test it, lose it, but love can also be a source of it and help you find it back.
13 Responses to "Love or Pride"
1 | Jenny
February 6th, 2008 at 12:40 am
Love is more important than pride.
Pride doesn’t rub your feet when you get home from work.
sulz: true! haha, what a nice love you have. 
2 | Oleek
February 6th, 2008 at 12:47 am
I don’t really know what to say… just that I think that this is a very nice post, Sulz…
When you love someone, you put that person before yourself… and your loved one, who also loves you, would put you before him or herself… I think, there’s where the balance you’re talking about exists. If the person you love doesn’t help you to maintain such balance… then that person doesn’t really love you and… I think, is not worth your love, and your pride should take precedence instead.
sulz: thank you! 
you’re right, though sometimes if someone in your life seems to put him or herself first over you, there could be reasons for that and you should talk it out first before deciding to salvage your pride.
4 | museditions
Oh, my dear sulz, I loved my valentine. I went all melty when I read it. What a beautiful garden you put me in, too. I can look at it and imagine you there. Love you, your warts—your farts?!? 
OK, so, pride, hmm. That’s a touchy subject. I tend to take the global position “ME, me comes first!”, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be kind and share. Too much pride can get in the way of joy, too. Individual situations come and go, but, overall, I would want to choose to be with someone who is proud of me, and I of them. I would not feel right about a relationship if called upon to “sacrifice” my own balance of pride (or selfishness or ego), nor would I expect that from a dear one. We have to love who they are, not who we want them to be. If we can’t, then perhaps it’s the wrong relationship? I dunno…you’ve really got me thinking here. I’ll be following this discussion to see how it all unfolds.
sulz: hahaha… yes you have to take me as i am! 
pretty, ugly, smelly and all.
well, i’m not saying we have to sacrifice our pride, but more like it’s inevitable that our loved one may accidentally embarrass us by something they did or say, or hurt us by an insensitive gesture. and when that happens, i think it’s okay to have a bruised ego in the bigger picture.
and yes, of course i want my loved ones to be proud of me, and i of them, but we can’t have them all, can we? i mean, i wish my parents don’t do what they do in public sometimes, for instance…
5 | lovelyloey
I’m seeing pride in all its negative connotation, and the first part of the quote is what I’ve been waiting all my life. For someone to truly so awesome and to better me so I’d humble before him. So far, no luck. LOL.
sulz: well, i think in this context pride is really ego, because there is a positive side to pride too. i’m sure you will find someone… i think it’s impossible to live a life without finding someone you think is better than you in some ways and can find mutual respect for each other.
6 | kstafford
February 6th, 2008 at 11:24 am
I just want to say that I think this whole endeavor is one of the most generous and thoughtful I have ever seen from a blogger to their readers. What’s great about each of them so far is that they are very personal. They’re so Sulz!!!
Now, as far as pride goes, here are my thoughts. I’m not sure we can so eesily dismiss pride as not having room when it comes to love. Consider that in order to totally give yourself to a loved one, as decisions such as marriage require to work, that you must first love yourself fully. Pride could be considered a form of “self love”, and in this sense it may be argued that it does indeed have a place in love.
Just something to consider.
sulz: you mean my handwritten valentines? thank you! i think you will like yours. *cross fingers*
hmm, i always saw pride as ego in the quote. never considered it from your perspective, which does make lots of sense. means i have to love me to find love for me, haha.
7 | ish
Woo, best valentine yet. Love the garden and what you said too!
About Love and Pride, well it depends. I maybe wrong in interpreting what you are trying to say so don’t take it too seriously. Love is important yeah, but pride and self confidence is important too. If you think your pride is coming in the way of your love and it’s being illogical, then you should lose it for love. If though your pride is something that is important to you, gives you confidence and is justified, then you shouldn’t give it up. I know love is difficult to leave but I feel that when you love somebody, they should love you for what you are right? Warts, farts and all as you said in the valentine. They should try to understand that maybe the pride is important to you. Agreed love is sacrifice but that doesn’t mean you are the only one who should sacrifice. The other person should do it too. It’s totally unreasonable to change oneself for somebody else who is not changing for you. It depends on the extent of your pride and the extent of your love.
sulz: haha, even my farts? 
yeah, you’re right. of course i won’t be doing all the sacrificing, it definitely has to go both ways. but then again, when you’re so in love, sometimes you’re willing to overlook stuff like that.
8 | cjwriter
Interesting topic, sulz. I think in a way it really comes down to how you define love. To me love isn’t about romance or courtship, it’s about companionship; two people sharing the rest of their lives together. The relationship changes as you go through the years; the connection changes, but the constant is that you still want to be together.
But in order for me to be with someone else, I have to feel comfortable with myself first, and if someone needs me to sacrifice my pride to be with them, I don’t think I could do that. If I don’t respect myself how could I respect them? I mean, love isn’t really about being selfless; it’s about compromise and sharing your lives together. The only time where love is truly selfless is if you’re a parent; you should be putting your child’s needs ahead of your own to give them a better life. For everything else, there might be some things that are worth sacrificing, but I don’t think pride is one of them.
Love the valentines you’ve done so far, btw. This one’s really beautiful and as kstaff said, they’re so sulz! That’s the best part about them.
sulz: but surely before you have companionship you need the courtship? well, i think when you put your love before your pride, it should only be in extreme circumstances. i wouldn’t see it as losing my self-respect that way, more like a short-term loss for a long-term gain.
however, if you do it on a daily basis, it becomes meaningless and you’d just resent the person for it. i definitely don’t go around letting people trample all over my pride! that’s why my other musing of whether love is bigger than pride.
9 | kstafford
You already have an idea for mine? That makes my day! I wonder what it will feature? Oh the anticipation is killing me! Give me a hint if you can. And of course I’ll like it! Is there anything you’ve ever created on here that I haven’t enjoyed?
sulz: i’ve already took the photos of it actually. it’ll feature your favourite thing, that’s a big hint there.
well, if i recreated my farts here, i don’t think even you would enjoy that! hahahaha… just being silly lah.
10 | ish
February 6th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
If your farts can be weirdly musical and funny, we might as well like them and keep them as our mobile phone ringtones. I certainly need to change mine for one.
sulz: lmao!!! i’m sure i have hidden talents somewhere in me but musical farts is not one of them!! hahahaha… crazy lah you!
11 | dissfunktional
Sulz, something about your blog format looks different. Did you do something? Am I nuts?
sulz: uh, i changed the header and the colour of the admin bar for chinese new year. is it that bad?? haha.
12 | museditions
ish’s comment reminded me of when my friend and I were in Europe. We were only 17 and staying with some cousins, and were really bored in this small town. We entertained ourselves with (I can’t believe I’m telling you this–I had thought to maintain SOME dignity in bloggieland) musical armfarts. I don’t think I want any as ringtones, though. 
You have further clarified your definitions of pride with your comments about parents, for instance, doing embarrassing things in public. There is nothing we can do about parents–it is their nature to be embarrassing, at least sometimes. But you bring up a point. If I’m constantly cringing over something my honey is doing or saying, I need to re-look at our compatibility. If it only happens occasionally, though, it’s just one of those things…
sulz: haha, what’s the tune of yours? do armfarts differ from individual to individual?? haha.
this isn’t really much to do with pride, and i know this is shallow, but i do hope i’d meet a well-dressed fellow. not a metrosexual, just someone who cleans up well. pretty silly to feel proud of someone’s dressing, but hey, we all have our idiosyncrasies.
13 | lovelyloey
i think it’s impossible to live a life without finding someone you think is better than you in some ways
No leh~ I’m THAT proud and egoistic that no one is better than I am. hohoho~
sulz: let’s see you singing the same tune when cupid’s arrow strikes!
ps. i helped you move the comment here, but you avatar can’t be seen ‘cos i did it. if you signed up with gravatar, then it could though.
Comment Form
Search
Digital love!
[*HUGS*] total! Please give me another hug, I need some encouragement because work is not fun like studying was! :(
Please click here to *HUG* sulz some more!
MyBlogLog & BlogCatalog
Recent Readers
Say what?