Spam Porn Are The Best!
Posted by: sulz on: February 20, 2008
Jenny the bloggess, this is your handwritten valentine! The porcelain figurine isn’t a goddess, but it does exude the loveliness of one to me. 
*
Source: my Akismet spam inbox. Who knew spam can be poetic, what with crustny arms and Lilliputian tits. Semi-inspired by Ian in Hamburg’s similar post.
I opened my door and she got in.
She told me in the matter of herself as we rode. She was fourteen, had a minor colleague, and played volleyball. I made a unexpected close up as the settle turned red, and she strike down on my lap.
“deplorable around that.” I lied. Her interrupt felt careful on my earnestlyening cock. She got up shyly but smiling.
“Got a boyfriend?” I asked.
“No. Daddy won’t let me.” She answered.
“Do you unexceptionally hear to your daddy?” I asked.
“Yes.” She answered.
“What if we act I’m your daddy?” I asked.
She giggled and said, “Then I’d from to hear to you.”
The settle turned amateurish.I drove up a ways and turned on an alley and put an endped at the end.
“what’re we doing?” she asked concerned.
I grabbed her crustny arm and pulled her. She prostrate on my lap again and I began to smooch her only sshrug offly pouty lips. At beginning she struggled, but when I stuck my nought by into her teen crestfallen by drive, I unforeseenly began to have a her muggy please whimsically lick mine. She clenched her minor hands on my trunk, squeezing my heartless pecks. I began cupping at her Lilliputian tits.
“Oh god.” She moaned as I felt her juvenile tits swell a minor on my ess hand.
I began graze bid adieuing her dwarf neck. It smelled like cosset powder.
I put my arm included her legs and got, carrying her with me to the track from of my commodities.
“after some ice cream?” I whispered.
I dropped her on the chilled crush and then got on top of her, exciting her minor shirt which made her soul jig in a delectskilled way.
“Oh daddy.” She said.
Don’t tell me that didn’t turn you on!
*
Obviously the author of this stimulating spamerotica has a brain like this:
20 Responses to "Spam Porn Are The Best!"
1 | ish
February 20th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
ROFLMAO, it completely turned me on. I wish the English could have been better though. Liliputian tits ahahaha. Geez, my friend made me read this sex story once and till the end we didn’t realize that it was about two gay guys. At the end we were like wtf? How can one’s name be Tom and the other’s name be Dave? Where’s the girl in the story.
Nice valentine. I like the porcelein figure. We have some like those in our house too. My favorite one is one in which that fat guy (I don’t know who he is) is sitting on a Dragon.
sulz: that’s the whole point! broken english is everywhere on the net and in our lives, so just like how good grammar can be an attractive trait to girls, why not broken english? haha.
maybe the girl’s name is tom? 
thank you! i hope she likes it.
2 | Jenny, bloggess
February 21st, 2008 at 12:18 am
I like the valentine but I LOVE the spamerotica.
sulz: should’ve made that you valentine then.
3 | ish
February 21st, 2008 at 12:35 am
It can’t be a girl. Both Tom and Dave had ahem’s. 
sulz: hahahaha! 
4 | ish
February 21st, 2008 at 12:37 am
And LOL, that brain diagram wasn’t there before was it? Love it lol.
sulz: nope; i’ve been saving it from my forward mail for a good moment, and this seems like it.
5 | museditions
February 21st, 2008 at 1:29 am
All I can say is I’ve noticed you’ve been pinging yourself a lot lately…
sulz: well, i’m always linking to the handwritten valentine project. self-referencing overload?
6 | NightWriter
February 21st, 2008 at 1:50 am
that was hilarious. the diagram especially. the valentine is beautiful.
sulz: haha, i know. and i hope you’ll like yours too. it’s coming a bit late though, sorry about that!
7 | ian in hamburg
February 21st, 2008 at 2:21 am
on I turned was sure for, made lot a laugh me sure that is for.
sulz: did you write the spam porn?? 
8 | NightWriter
February 21st, 2008 at 6:31 am
sounds like it. 
sulz: hehe, ian is a man of many talents, that i know.
9 | NightWriter
February 21st, 2008 at 6:36 am
@sulz:just saw your response, no prob, can’t wait to see it.
10 | crazyasuka
February 21st, 2008 at 11:34 am
Ah, awesome drawing of the brain. Made me giggle.
ABout the spamerotica! I think I have read better ones. :O
(I didn’t say that, I never, ever, read porn, is that clear?)
I dunno, the daddy reference just turned me off for some reason….
sulz: haha, i think it’s kind of true sometimes.
oh, come on! you’ve read erotica more poetic than lilliputian tits?? the daddy bit is the erotic part! hahaha… (i’m obviously kidding!)
11 | thescoundrel
February 21st, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Okay who stole the x-ray of my brain and placed it on the Internet!
sulz: hahaha! nice one!
12 | cjwriter
February 21st, 2008 at 8:10 pm
ROFL. That was too funny! I thought there had to be a reason we keep spam around and now I know why - spamerotica! And you know what, it still reads better than the sex scenes in Tom Wolfe’s books.
I love the statue too… it’s amazing how much fine detail they can work into such a small piece.
sulz: masterpiece as it was, i had to delete it from my spam inbox, but the knowledge that i have come across it will always be a thrill.
oh, you don’t think the male brain image is true? *wide-eyed innocence*
13 | thescoundrel
February 21st, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Of course if you need to know how a woman thinks it can be found at the guru jeffs - truth about women page.
sulz: haha, i was wondering if there’s the female brain version. naturally i didn’t find it as funny as the man’s. but it’s still funny lah.
14 | ish
February 22nd, 2008 at 1:42 pm
LOL, that female version is really funny if you look at the smaller details such as the non existant areas for driving skills and that sex initiator gland. Nice lol.
sulz: meh. the male one is better.
15 | Amit
February 22nd, 2008 at 6:15 pm
That was some spam. You get such beautiful spams? How lucky.
And the statue is really cute. Wish someone would give me such a thing. 
And don’t you think that the “Sex” part in the male brain is a little small?
sulz: it’s the first time i notice such an interesting spam really. i used to delete them by the hundreds, so i might have missed better ones!
well, i can’t give you a statue, but i can give you a handwritten valentine if you like.
hahaha, any bigger and you wouldn’t even have a brain anymore!
16 | ish
February 22nd, 2008 at 9:51 pm
We don’t have a brain right now either, Sulz.
sulz: haha, you don’t mean that! seriously, do guys think nothing about sex?? some of you seem so normal! i mean, i could have a conversation with you still… maybe you multitask better than your gender are reputed to be.
17 | thescoundrel
February 23rd, 2008 at 12:47 am
Guys do not think about sex all the time! The only times we think about sex are when we are working, eating, sleeping, watching TV, listening to the radio, working out, lounging around, driving, cooking and clubbing. We rarely think about sex when we are having sex, we just do it.
sulz: rotflmao!!
18 | thescoundrel
February 23rd, 2008 at 12:49 am
oops I forgot when operating the computer. After all there is a reason that porn sites are so popular.
sulz: of course you forgot. you were thinking about sex, weren’t you!
19 | ish
February 23rd, 2008 at 12:59 am
Lol, thescoundrel summed it up pretty well.
Also, haven’t you heard them saying that Men are from mars? Now, have you ever seen Mars? It’s like this hot red ball thing with no buildings or anything. So that’s why, since there is nothing on Mars, we think about sex or else we’d die of boredom. Therefore, it’s not our fault that we think about sex all the time. It’s Mars’ fault.
sulz: hahaha, you guys are really nuts! about sex, obviously.
20 | kstafford
February 23rd, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Hey, you got my poem!
sulz: haha! never knew you have a literary side to you. i mean, lilliputian tits?? genius, man!
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