blogging gobbledygook and such

Having been a recent victim of irresponsible gossip, I propose the three golden rules of responsible gossip.

1. If you want to gossip, be discreet.
Gossip should be done discreetly and in private, among people you trust, like other discreet activities such as bathroom activities and situations in which you would be unclothed. This is because like those activities, gossip can be offensive to people who do not wish to hear it. Also, gossiping is not meant for anyone else to hear other than the people you want to let hear, otherwise you would not be gossiping but confronting the person you want to gossip about, yes? So make sure the person you’re gossiping about is not within hearing distance.

2. Gossip is for personal emotional release.
Usually when you are in a gossipy mood, it is because you are frustrated, excited or scandalised and want to share this emotion with someone you trust or is familiar with the situation you want to gossip about. Remember that the gossip instinct is ultimately about your own emotional release. Therefore, your listener has the right to choose how he or she wishes to react to your sharing of gossip. If the listener is inclined (which the probability of it is most likely, hence you choosing to tell that person in the first place), fair enough. But if the listener does not choose to take your word at face value and prefers to judge the situation for him or herself through other means, do not take offense or think the person is distrustful of your judgement. After all, the point of you gossiping is for your own emotional release, not for passing judgement to people who should make their own based on their personal experiences of the situation.

3. The best person to talk about me is me.
Sometimes, we gossip so much for our own emotional release and also because we do not want to strain the relationship between ourselves and the people we gossip about. However, in doing so, we forget that by gossiping we are hurting and straining the relationship. The people we gossip about may not realise that (yet), but we do. If you really want to solve people issues the right way, especially with people you care about, you should be ‘gossiping’ with the person him/herself. It may not fulfill your desire for emotional release, but better than that, you can resolve a situation and improve your relationship from there onwards. It may be difficult to approach the person, and things may not turn out as you hoped, but you tried, and your conscience would be clear for that.

Ultimately, you have to remember that gossip is a vice, and like all vices it has consequences. Karma is a bitch! If you are caught gossiping, face the music and admit it. While you may not think you’re wrong and have the freedom to talk about what you please, remember that people’s feelings are at stake when they discover you were talking unpleasantly about them. How would you feel if the same were done to you? That said, gossip can be healthy in some ways, but often misused in other ways. So, if you feel the need to gossip, you should observe the three golden rules I’ve mentioned and hopefully life will be drama-free! :)

Do you have your own golden rules for gossiping?

Comments on: "The 3 Golden Rules Of Responsible Gossip" (15)

  1. I have one golden rule for gossiping, and it is as follows:

    Don’t gossip.

    sulz: hah, i was expecting this answer. it’s a good one for non-gossipers! :)

  2. I don’t like gossiping :)

    sulz: don’t tell me you haven’t done it before? ;) that said, it’s one good thing to dislike! gossip brings a lot of trouble. though i might say it can bring people closer too.

  3. This is a good topic. I don’t remember myself gossiping much, actively, but people seem to like to sit next to me and tell me all kinds of stuff while I nod…

    I need to think more about this.

    sulz: sounds like you’re talking about me! :lol:

    you’ve got plenty of time to think, no expiry date for this post. :P

  4. I’ve never seen “rules” for gossiping before, so this is an interesting perspective. I had to read all the way through your post twice before forming an opinion, because you lead us down a twisty path, here. At first, it seems as if you are promoting reckless gossip as a way of letting off steam, but by the end, you are admonishing us to think of how we would like to be treated. Your comments about Karma are well taken, too (especially if we use the sulz definition of Karma) ;) I don’t mind people talking about me if they’re saying how great I am, or what remarkable and intelligent things I’ve done, :) so I try to keep that in mind when another person’s name comes up when with friends. I only discuss “questionable” things about someone with my very bestest buddy, and then I say I just want to “bounce” some things off that person for a “reality check”. I may be deluding myself that this is NOT gossip, but I find myself wondering, sometimes “Is this person crazy? Or am I? Or both?” It somehow seems important to figure that out. ;)
    Thanks, sulz. It seems you are in provocative and thoughtful mode, so I’m provoking and thinking. :D

    sulz: i think gossip, like chocolate and fried chicken, is healthy in limited amounts. if you’re frustrated and you don’t pour it out to someone, it can eat you up inside. but like eating rich food, we often overindulge in gossiping to the point we could inadvertently hurt, whether someone else or ourselves. so i think there should be a code of conduct for gossiping to ensure that it’s something that affects you positively and not the person gossiped about negatively.

    it’s about time i wrote something provoking, huh? i used to be so provocative! ;)

  5. Quite frankly, whenever I’ve tried to gossip, I’ve ended up being caught. Karma is a bitch, indeed. What goes around, has to come back around and hit you across the face. So as you said, one should actually try and talk to the person if it bothers you so much. Random gossip is fine, once in a while though.

    And btw, is it just my browser or did I actually vanish from your blogroll?

    sulz: i’ve been caught on my blog, and i’ve been caught in person though by a stranger. i’m not sure if my friends have heard me talking about them, but i hope not because as i said, it’s only intended for the ears i meant for.

    as for talking to the person, it’s hard to practise what i preach. i have yet to muster the courage to do such a thing!

    yes, son. instead of spanking you, i’ve hung your link out to dry! :P i’ll put it back.

  6. haha…I never knew there is such a thing as “responsible gosip” :P
    hmm, apparently Gosip Girl is good :)

    sulz: i just created the concept. :mrgreen:

    oh, i agree heartily! :D

  7. Interesting rules :)

    sulz: could it be food for gossip? ;) hehe.

  8. Since my gossiping skills are about as much up to the notch as George Bush is capable of writing a seminal thesis on differential calculus, I claim no authority to the do’s and don’t’s of gossiping :D

    However, being a victim of gossiping myself, I have some observations on the subject, which, er, aren’t exactly the most astute in the world, but I shall share anyway =P

    You see, a person gossiping about you is either 1) without a life 2) too much of a chicken to say it to your face 3) too stupid to engage in some other activity worthy of their time 4) all of the above.

    And stupidity + cowardice + lack of life is not a very good combination, imo. You know what the product is: gossipers, easily among the worst sub-species of humanity.

    I can resonate with you (reading your thoughts in your earlier post) – you see, no matter how nice you try to be with them, there will always be people who talk about you behind their back. Initially, you may feel outraged that so-and-so is saying such-and-such about you (let’s face it, how many of us like being talked of negatively?) but what you have to keep in mind is that so-and-so is an idiot. And idiots are meant to be ignored. Or, an alternative, confronted. But definitely not to be given the satisfaction of having ‘got to you.’ It’s what they want.

    Anyway, sorry, to have bored you with this worthless banter, I shall just leave you with this truth best expressed by Dale Carnegie:

    No one ever kicks a dead dog. And the more important the dog is, the more satisfaction people get in kicking him.

    sulz: hey, i remember you. :) and this is not worthless, it’s your personal experience summed up and therefore quite valid!

    i have to say, i indulge in gossiping (which i think i do observe my own golden rules when i do, hehe) – does that make me someone with no life? hmm, it’s true, i don’t really have a life actually even without gossiping… :D

    the thing is that, while being a victim of gossip should make me not want to gossip myself because i’ve experience the effects of it, i understand the need to gossip. and yes, people will always talk about me whether i like that or not. what i don’t like is hearing myself talked about. :(

  9. I’m not keen on gossipping. I don’t think I’m a very gossipy person. I’ll own to bitching occasionally – do the same rules apply?

    sulz: only if you’re bitching about someone. ;)

  10. I bitch about THINGS.
    I just bitched to some of my classmates today about pandas.
    Like they are so useless cos they are so big and their babies are like so small and how I think there’s no way they even feel labour pain.

    sulz: pandas are cute wei! but poor thing that they seem to have troubles breeding.

  11. Whenever I gossip, I make sure that it is about someone who is never going to hear it via any source.
    Actually I don’t gossip much. I listen to gossip! :P

    sulz: keeping within those you only trust, huh? good habit. :) oh me too! i’m usually not the one who knows the latest gossip.

  12. I always doesn’t like to gossip but as you said we are doing it for our own emotional release. I love hearing gossips. I always gives some amount of happiness to the people and I think they will feel bliss after doing that :P

    sulz: yeah, that’s the healthy part about gossiping. sometimes it helps us to bond too, though at the expense of the person we’re gossiping about… i suppose it’s okay it done discreetly and not too much! i mean, there are those who love to gossip so much that they’ll gossip about anybody, even their closest friends.

  13. I love to gossip, but I don’t like to gossip about nasty stuff. More:
    Who is seeing whom.
    Who said what to their boss.
    Why did they split up?

    That type of thing. People often tell me very private stuff (don’t know what it is about me) and I never pass on any of it as I feel like it has been said in confidence even if that wasn’t explicitly stated.

    My golden rule of gossip?

    Never say anything about anyone that you would make you feel sick if someone said it about you…

    sulz: ooh, i like that too. :P but i think if i were the subject matter i may not like it that much!

    oh yeah, this sort of stuff when told is tacit that it’s not something they don’t mind you repeating!

    good rule. :)

  14. Megan Fashion said:

    i got caught gossipng about a girl lives in the same aree,one persontold me she is carrying an affair wth a another man although she has a guy . i happen to tell this to a friend and that untrustworthy friend has told the story to that girls boyfriend.he called me and blasted me i spread stories and this girl came to my place shouted at me and i have to tell her who told me the story,and she went and fight with this man and created a big issue today, i feel terrible for what happen.now i dont know is im still on fault or what will happen.

    • Megan Fashion said:

      hereafter i dont want to gossip and i think i learnt my lessons big time, my fieance too mad at me for creating this big mess.i was doing this and now i know how Gossiping is bad ,if i read aboutt your article before i couldhave save my self from this situation.

      what can i do now ?

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