blogging gobbledygook and such

We are all guilty of this one. But it doesn’t make it any more excusable.

(This is in context of a person asking random persons – meaning people not usually in the social circle that s/he is in – for, say, coffee or a party, in front of someone s/he does not ask nor plan to. S/he is, however, in a neutral relationship with uninvited person.)

Do not, do not invite people for something in front of a person you don’t plan to ask. It’s not just rude, it’s cruel. How would the uninvited person feel? Will she feel hopeful, that she would eventually be asked? Will she feel confused, wondering why she wasn’t asked? Will she feel hurt, for being singled out subtlely? Will she feel humiliated, for realising that she isn’t wanted for company? Will she feel paranoid, because she thinks she isn’t invited because she’s not good company? Will she feel anger, as to defend herself and her esteem?

You damn bet she will.

Shame on her. Shame on you.

Comments on: "How can some people be so fucking rude?" (4)

  1. omg, i did that today accidently. i feel sooo bad. it’s toolate to invite more people. it’s killing me!!

  2. Dear Sulz, and also dear rabab,

    Sulz, thank you for your really honest and eloquent blog.

    Found post and comment very relevant and moving, so wrote long comment below. Hope of some comfort. Writing for the same reasons as you, to get things clear for me, so hope my reasoning will resonate with you.

    Thank you for sharing your experiences and emotions here and opening the hard and far too often hidden experience of hurt. So empathise with all of us here in this (Sulz’s ‘her’ and ‘you’, rabab’s ‘I’ and ‘me’, and my own ‘I-me-myself’, since I do and feel in/with/as/like both scenarios, having myself done it and had it done to me.

    I believe that empathy, with ourselves and with each other, is always what’s always wanted when we’re hurt. ‘Hurt’ seems always about feeling a want of empathy, from others towards us or from us towards ourselves.

    Guilt and shame of any sort for any reason are the opposite of empathy, as feeling guilt and shame means we aren’t empathising with ourselves or others, we aren’t feeling in, with, as ourselves in our feelings, thoughts, and actions, and their underlying/underpinning beliefs.

    Whatever we do, we do because at that moment we feel or think or believe we have to do it, it’s imperative to us.

    For whatever underlying (unconscious/partly conscious) reasons that for whatever (unconscious/part conscious) reasons are most important to us at any moment, we do something at/in that moment. Then a moment/minute/month/millennium later, we or others might say to us or others, why did I do that then? I could have, I should have, done something different/ly, I know I knew better.

    The truth is, we all do only what we believe we can do at and in any and every moment. Our actions express our inherent/inherited impetus in immediacy as imperative in that moment, what we believed was most important then.

    If we don’t know for sure, by sound and certain logic, as a principal principle, that everyone/thing always does only what is ultimately only and all of what they believe at that moment they can do, it’s easy to withhold empathy for ourselves and others in our utter helplessness at any moment to avoid all hurt, so to condemn ourselves and others to shame or guilt, when what’s needed is empathy for ourselves and for others in our hurting, whether it’s us hurting because of what was done to us or what we did, or others hurting because of what was done to them or what they did, as post and comment show so clearly.

    Rewrote words to an old song about sympathy and love. “Empathy is what we need, my friends, cos that makes enough love to go round, cos there is enough love to go round” (nod to original song lyrics >http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/r/rare_bird/sympathy_crd.htm ).

  3. Totally agree. I went for lunch with one of my best friends a while back and we ran into a mutual acquaintance that we both know through the same person — and who we both know equally well. He went on and on about how my friend needs to give him her number, and they need to get together, etc. etc., and I was too busy being shocked by his rudeness to even call him on it (which I should have done). It was as if he’d walked over and said, “hey, I like you a lot more than I like her, just wanted you both to know that.” What the hell is wrong with some people, for real?

    Thanks for your post, glad it’s not just me!

  4. I would be thinking… God don’t ask me! I hate social events, in fact I hate most people. Nothing would bore me more than shallow, pointless gossip over tea and cakes!

    If a person is hurt by this then they should have a think about things! Firstly, do you really want to spend time with those that don’t want you there? Maybe your not wanted but only invited to spare your feelings?

    I would just get over it, and be grateful you were spared the boredom of their company for hours on a precious friday night!

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