There is an advertisement on the idiot box for Dove shampoo lately. Interestingly or perhaps not they did not use the clichéd photogenic, artfully made up gorgeous model with digitally altered hair (from that rusted wirebrush hair to that silky smooth curtain of black hair) to subtly inform consumers that hey, use our shampoo, ‘cause you can impress your dream guy / your dream guy’s mother (like she cares more that you have good hair than good ovaries if you’re marrying her son) / condescending bitches / baby (yes, a Pantene ad some time ago actually had the model feeling insecure of her dandruff while she’s playing with a toddler) / whoever the fuck is worth being depressed over bad hair days.
The only thing female that was used in the ad was the sweet butter-can’t-melt-in-my-mouth voice telling you to do a little experiment on your hair to see if it is healthy. In a slim curvy glass container, the top half is filled with oil and the bottom half water. According to the voice as the lock of hair falls in the glass slo-mo, (paraphrased)
“…if your hair remains in the oil, it means you have dry hair…” and proceeds to recommend the Essential Care shampoo range.
“…if your hair remains in the water, it means you have damaged hair…” and proceeds to recommend the Moisturetherapy shampoo range.
It is the classic example of
WHAT THE FUCK????
So where does healthy hair stay in the glass?
Hmm, let’s figure this out. If you have healthy hair, you ought to have a reasonably healthy brain to help you care for your crown of glory. So that would mean that if you have enough sense to maintain healthy hair then you would have equally enough sense to realise the asininity (again, am hiding under the roof of literary license) of this piece of turd Dove calls advertisement. Therefore, you would not be doing the oil/water test to judge your hair’s healthiness because even if you think your hair is reasonably healthy, Dove’s test, really, is going to dramatically prove your assumptions wrong.
SO, assuming you fell for it hook, line and stinker, after you use Dove shampoo, you’re going to have the healthiest hair ever, or at the very least, no more dry or damaged hair. SO, when you do the Dove test again, your hair cannot stay in water or oil. SO, in the Dove test, your hair is going to levitate.
If you read the ingredients at the back label, see all those scientific mumbo jumbo? It’s also known as wingardium leviosa.
Whatever credibility Dove had for its commendable if superficial Campaign for Real Beauty has absolutely Disapparated!