blogging gobbledygook and such

Cannot help but be tickled enough by this contentious yet tongue-firmly-in-cheek article about an issue close to heart (just think cholesterol-clogged arteries and the phrase becomes more than a figure of speech) to warrant a post for it.

by Leo McKinstry
(taken from Sunday Mail, 16th April 2006)

As far as embarrassing experiences go, this one went for gold. I turned over in bed in the middle of the night and suddenly heard a loud, metallic, grinding sound. At first I thought it was just the foot of the bed scraping against the tiled floor. But when I got up to check, I had to confess to my wife that part of the antique frame had buckled under my considerable weight.

When I took the damaged article along to a local ironmonger to be repaired, he indulged in the inevitable ribaldry about marital gymnastics. He was even more amused when I told him, patting my expansive stomach, that there was a far less energetic cause for the accident.

Such problems are the price I have to pay for my 107kg bulk. My lifestyle is more sedentary than that of a hibernating sloth, while I maintain a rigorous calorie-controlled diet by never falling below a required daily minimum.

But now it turns out that my attitude, which would be so derided by today’s health faddist, might actually be good for me.

According to new research by a team at Harvard University, going for a run on your own is bad for your health, because it raises stress levels and reduces the production of new brain cells.

This study is music to my ears, confirming all my gut instincts, so to speak. Indeed, it has been my long-term concern for my physical well-being that has long prevented me donning the tracksuit and going out for an early morning jog.

The welcome Harvard report follow other studies which have demonstrated that the life of the serious couch potato is much safer than health campaigners would have us believe.

Dedicated calorie counters have been further cheered by the recent news that chocolate, so maligned by the politically correct brigade, might well prevent tooth decay and ward off coronary disease by thinning the blood.

All this new research is a wonderful counterblast to the years of earnest fingerwagging we have had to put up with from the new puritans, who have bombarded us with their dreary lectures about the evils of sustained relaxation and consumption.

We are told that we are in the middle of a national obesity crisis, yet all statistics show that we now living longer and are far less prone to killer diseases that we were in the past.

I used to wonder which 40 I would reach first, my waist or my age. In the end, it was no contest. The regular visit to the local menswear store for a new, larger pair of trousers has become a routine part of my life.

Yet, it has to be said that my ever-growing body seems to have had no great effect on my health. I recently had a checkup with my doctor, who frequently tells me about the vital need to lose weight.

To my satisfaction, she was forced to tell me that I did not seem to in bad shape, and much to her chagrin, she admitted that my blood pressure was ‘abnormally normal’.

I have come to the conclusion that the human body is like a car. Neither should be strained or overworked. The greater the distance traveled, the more the likelihood of a breakdown.

A low mileage motor is usually in far better condition than one which has been rushing around for years. I regard myself as a high-consumption Jaguar, the kind of vehicle that should be cherished and kept most of the in the garage rather than being driven into the ground.

I am also inspired by the example of Winston Churchill, whose daily consumption of brandy and champagne was epic, yet he was still Prime Minister at the age of 80. in contrast, Jim Fixx, the father of modern jogging, died at the age of 52 from a heart attack while out running.

The key to health is surely happiness, not denial.

The writer’s belief of his own health is uncannily similar to self’s! (Self, and every other chomp-happy glutton in denial.) Am perfectly aware of the flawed arguments the writer has presented, though, to you fingerwagging puritans!

For the other side of the story, this is the retort of the politically correct brigade.

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