In no particular order – they are all equally heinous fashion crimes.
- ARSE CLEAVAGE – there are just some cleavage you don’t want to see. Otherwise known as butt cracks.
- BRA STRAPS – the device that hooks to your underwear, so use your head, it’s meant to stay under your clothes. There is no excuse for buying patterned / coloured / transparent bra straps! Don’t be such a stingy bitch, buy a good strapless bra that won’t slide. Or else just don’t wear anything sleeveless or strapless then.
- VISIBLE PANTY LINE – it’s amazing how some women take such care of their outer clothes but not their inner ones. You can’t just wear any underwear for all your clothes! If you can ask a catch-22 question of “Does my bum look big in this?” to your significant other, you’re better off asking “Can you see my panty line in this?”.
- UNWANTED UNDERWEAR EXHIBITION – unintentional or not, underwear is not meant to be seen! So please take extra care not to pull your panties too high up, and yet not too low for the want of no. 1. And to those who flash their high-waisted grandma panties or dishcloth for boxers, who the hell bought your underwear – your grandmother???
- EQUALLY UNWANTED NIPPLES EXHIBITION – on fat men. It is the most absolute turn-off for any self-respecting woman. Please don’t delude yourself into thinking that yoour child-sized t-shirt makes your torso look sexier and more toned. It just makes you look like you’re breastfeeding.
- CHUNKY, GRANDMA SANDALS – the kind that Scholl sells, complete with huge ankle straps. This is obviously personal preference, but for the life of self can not see how it goes with anything fashionable. Maybe in half a century’s time it will match self’s wardrobe.
- CLUNKING HEELS – it’s inevitable to make some kind of noise when wearing any kind of shoes (unless you’re being very light on your steps), but there are those who are perpetually deaf to the noise pollution their footwear are making. They stomp about with a mission of driving nearby civilians insane with their deafening footwear, in the library! One day am going to go berserk and remove the offensive shoes from their heavy feet to clobber them.
- ILL-FITTING FOOTWEAR – women who are such fashion victims they will do like the girls in Cinderella, forcing their feet into impossibly small stilettos. Or wearing too big stilettos that their toes touch the floor as they walk – abominable!
- CHEAP, TACKY-LOOKING APPAREL – the most incomprehensible part is that they actually think it looks classy and posh, and wear them for fancy dinners. GHASTLY!
- NOT DRESSING YOUR AGE – this is directed at geriatrics who insist on cherry-red lipstick and miniskirts and spaghetti-strap tops. If your granddaughter is raiding your closet, you know it’s time to get a makeover. You don’t see Queen E wearing strapless gowns at her official functions, now do you? But if you feel you still look