blogging gobbledygook and such

In no particular order – they are all equally heinous fashion crimes.

  1. ARSE CLEAVAGE – there are just some cleavage you don’t want to see. Otherwise known as butt cracks.
  2. BRA STRAPS – the device that hooks to your underwear, so use your head, it’s meant to stay under your clothes. There is no excuse for buying patterned / coloured / transparent bra straps! Don’t be such a stingy bitch, buy a good strapless bra that won’t slide. Or else just don’t wear anything sleeveless or strapless then.
  3. VISIBLE PANTY LINE – it’s amazing how some women take such care of their outer clothes but not their inner ones. You can’t just wear any underwear for all your clothes! If you can ask a catch-22 question of “Does my bum look big in this?” to your significant other, you’re better off asking “Can you see my panty line in this?”.
  4. UNWANTED UNDERWEAR EXHIBITION – unintentional or not, underwear is not meant to be seen! So please take extra care not to pull your panties too high up, and yet not too low for the want of no. 1. And to those who flash their high-waisted grandma panties or dishcloth for boxers, who the hell bought your underwear – your grandmother???
  5. EQUALLY UNWANTED NIPPLES EXHIBITION – on fat men. It is the most absolute turn-off for any self-respecting woman. Please don’t delude yourself into thinking that yoour child-sized t-shirt makes your torso look sexier and more toned. It just makes you look like you’re breastfeeding.
  6. CHUNKY, GRANDMA SANDALS – the kind that Scholl sells, complete with huge ankle straps. This is obviously personal preference, but for the life of self can not see how it goes with anything fashionable. Maybe in half a century’s time it will match self’s wardrobe.
  7. CLUNKING HEELS – it’s inevitable to make some kind of noise when wearing any kind of shoes (unless you’re being very light on your steps), but there are those who are perpetually deaf to the noise pollution their footwear are making. They stomp about with a mission of driving nearby civilians insane with their deafening footwear, in the library! One day am going to go berserk and remove the offensive shoes from their heavy feet to clobber them.
  8. ILL-FITTING FOOTWEAR – women who are such fashion victims they will do like the girls in Cinderella, forcing their feet into impossibly small stilettos. Or wearing too big stilettos that their toes touch the floor as they walk – abominable!
  9. CHEAP, TACKY-LOOKING APPAREL – the most incomprehensible part is that they actually think it looks classy and posh, and wear them for fancy dinners. GHASTLY!
  10. NOT DRESSING YOUR AGE – this is directed at geriatrics who insist on cherry-red lipstick and miniskirts and spaghetti-strap tops. If your granddaughter is raiding your closet, you know it’s time to get a makeover. You don’t see Queen E wearing strapless gowns at her official functions, now do you? But if you feel you still look youthful preserved enough…

Comments on: "What are the biggest fashion faux pas?" (8)

  1. dressing well but then causing a stink because of body odour! 😀

    sulz: that’s worse, that’s hygiene faux pas! But seriously, how would you know if you stink? have always worried if self have bo because don’t really like putting perfume. and when do, drenched half the bottle on self. wasted.

  2. timethief said:

    This was a terrifically funny post. You had me howling and rotflmao.

    Your number 1 NO SHOW – is right on. IMO all butt cracks should be covered at all times in public places.

    And, regarding number 5, I have noticed that fat men with nipples and bulge bellies are also crack flashers – EEEEOOOWW! so ugly … All all they need to do is to buy clothes that fit properly but they just don’t seem to get it.

    Now on number number 2 and number 10 I’m taking you to task. I’ll have you know that there are a few of us youthful looking mature women out here who can still pass the pencil test and who do not have to wear bras with most outfits, except the transparent ones.

    I say: if you can’t pass the pencil test then be very sure that going sleeveless and strapless actually enhances your looks. In most cases it won’t so make another choice – wear something with sleeves and wear a bra under it. But if you can pass the pencil test then don’t go strapless – go bra-less.

    Regarding number 3 – the quick fix for panty lines is (1) not wearing any at all with close fitting clothes or (2) wearing a thong. (I used to hate them but just last Saturday I found a brand called “elita” that doesn’t chafe or ride up. Woohoo! I’m going back to buy more of them.)

    The human predisposition towards wearing ugly and ill-fitting footware is a subject that could become a post all on it’s own. I’m firmly convinced that most folks are not wearing the proper size of shoes but just like you observe are crammed into ones that are far too small. Could this be because they ride everywhere instead of walking? A

    nd as far as chunky, hunky, clunky footware goes forget it ladies – find a mirror and take a close look. They do nothing for even the most beautiful and slender ankles.

    I’m surpised you didn’t do jewerly. Not the real thing but that gawd awful melted plastic kids toys stuff that’s ‘in” these days. (gag me :P)

    The tradition on your 100th post is to produce a list of 100 personal things about yourself for your readers to use to get to know you better. However, its you blog so suit yourself. The only topic I would not recommend is “how I lost my virginity”… as if, eh… he, he, he 😉

    sulz: glad could tickle your funny bone with this. =)

    no. 2: am referring to females who want the support of bra straps but would not match her underwear to her top. just yesterday a college mate wore a racer-back tank top with those bloody transparent bra straps. if she used her bimbotic head, she could have criss-crossed her straps and then we wouldn’t have to disdainfully bitch about her unintellectual fashion sense.

    have no comments on braless people – it’s an asian thing not to like seeing nipples protruding no matter how small their boobs are. or maybe just this prudish asian. (but if the nipples cannot be seen, by all means hang free!)

    no. 10: are you one of those who wear cherry-red lipstick, miniskirts and spaghetti straps? can concede with the spaghetti straps, but not the lipstick and miniskirts. cherry-reds are for virginal, cutesy prepubescent girls! Miniskirts are for SYTs! Surely there are more graceful, elegant skirts out there that bring out the classiness in you? Geriatrics in this context refer to people above 60, or look 60.

    no 3: bought self’s first thong in a lovely bright aquamarine but it rides on self’s arse better than a bronco rider that it’s buried under the mound of more comfortable undies. hipsters or boy-leg undies for self!

    jewelry is not self’s forte – and guiltily admitting of having very unvaried types of earrings; they are either chandelier, floral or butterfly motif ones.

    shall take up your idea on writing 100 facts about self – what a great topic!

  3. I have another that’s worse, much worse. Grey underwear. As seen in gym. Come on, it does not cost much to get really nice undies/lingerie, I cannot understand why some do not consign their tired versions to the bin. Pay for expensive gym yet keep undies well past sell-by date? Not A Good Thing. My rule of thumb is this. Imagine you had fainted and for some reason had to be transported to hospital. You around, finding yourself in nothing but your undies. Well, o.k in the paperlike hospital gown. If you can think of your undies and not die of embarrassment, you’re o.k.

    If not…. it’s too late. Damage has been done. They’ve been spotted, to be cringingly remembered by you – and who knows who else?

    sulz: they probably wear their dishcloth underwear because they’re sweating and hence it’s pointless to sweat in their good underwear they think. the real offense in this fashion crime is to reveal such underwear than the act of wearing itself – after all, if they were more discreet we wouldn’t know of their grey underwear would we?

  4. timethief said:

    Re: going bra-less. One of the tests I perform when trying on new clothes is “do my nipples show”? This is not to say that I won’t buy clothes when they do. It is to say that I then know which ones I can get away with not wearing a bra with.

    When I do wear bras I wear colour coordinated ones and ensure that the straps are not hanging out.

    sulz: bra- / nipple-revealing offenders, take note from her!

    Also picking up on britgirl’s point I do not own any yucky “grey” underwear and I cringe when I see women in swimming pools and gymns who do.

    What they can’t afford soap and bleach? They can afford to swim or to work-out but cannot afford to replace their underwear – yuck – they are pigs. IMO some people have no concept of what hygiene is all about and that’s why it’s a good thing (I guess) that there is chlorine in the pool water.

    it’s one thing keeping dishcloth underwear, but if they didn’t so shamelessly show it in public we wouldn’t know of its horrendous existence! that’s self’s opinion, anyway. that’s why have more than half a dozen black panties in self’s drawer; they don’t get dirty easily.

    On your point number 10. I do not wear either mini skirts or red lipstick. My skirts cover my knees and I always wear mascara and a very good moisturizer with a sunblock in it. I usually wear lip gloss if I’m going out and clear nailpolish but make-up isn’t my thing. At night depending on the event I may wear a bit of blush or some sparkle stuff and a light dusting of eyeshadow. But in general I don’t like the painted look. I prefer to look fresh and natural and spend my money on getting excellent haircuts every 6 weeks instead.

    As far as looking your age goes well the classic tailored style is ageless and even though the pieces I buy tend to be expensive they are well made and last longer than cheap trendy outfits do.

    I have a bust and hip measurement that are the same and a waist that is 8 inches smaller. I wear a size 7-8 and have always gravitated towards classic tailored styles in natural fibers, cottons, linens, silk, cashmere, wool. I do wear other fibers as well to mix and match that are more romantic or casual or peasantish or sporty look but generally speaking the basic pieces I wear are classic in style. They suit me and I feel comfortable in them.

    that’s one very good fashion head you have on your shoulders. *nods in agreement*

  5. Hi sulz, thanks for your comment. I just had to say something about one point in this list of faux pas. It’s number 7. I actually kind of like the snappy (albeit loud) click that stillettos make. I feel important in them. Although, since I actually work in a library, I try to walk more softly on the tile flooring. But still, I don’t think loud shoes are necessarily a faux pas.

    Of course, I agree on all other points.

    sulz: self was really referring to wedges and clunky shoes in general. Personally, quite fancy the stiletto click! But it’s how they walk in their shoes that determine the noise level of it. If they can’t tread gently and gracefully when the situation requires, that’s the faux pas.

  6. I love stillettos. Not everyone should wear them though. Women need to check that their toes DO NOT splay over the fronts of the stillettos… even if they’re polished. That’s just so uncool.

    As as for the grey underwear – either they don’t think it will be seen or they think it doesn’t matter if they’re changing in an all-women’s gym. Either way, Not A Good Thing.

    sulz: totally ditto on stiletto-splaying, it’s hideous! gyms and such should place a NO GREY UNDIES sign, like the no smoking sign. 😀

  7. I am 60ish and wear makeup, color my hair, wear jeans , tee shirts, and crop pants. I am 5’2″ and due to 2 neck surgeries in the last 2 years have been unable to exercise. My husband insists at 150 I am too short and too stocky for crop pants. I don’t agree. Which of us is correct? I only wear these on casual occassions. Of course I dress appropriately for non casual functions.

    sulz: jeans are ageless, it’s fine. as for cropped pants, if it’s a good fit it should be fine, though i think some fashion gurus might agree with your husband! wear them if you feel comfortable in them, though.

  8. ;:; that seems to be a great topic, i really love it :–

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