blogging gobbledygook and such

If you’ve been fat before or still have that prosperous look, you would’ve definitely been asked this irritatingly inane question when meeting up old friends: “Hmm, isn’t it time you lost some weight? I can see some of your very lovely handles over there,” and proceeds to poke your stomach in what s/he thinks is a hilarious, friendly gesture.

Was text messaging Ms Nut about this open house went to just now and gloated jokingly about the yummy beef lasagna and mini brownies had in an attempt to make her envy self for having a wonderful lunch. It’s something we do between ourselves as we always poke fun at each other, she about self’s weight and self about her aging years.

She replied, “U pig u! bet u didnt take even one 4 me! anyway, u know what they say- a minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips! heh heh”

Fair enough. Then replied, “Then which part of your hip the cream cheese of the carrot cake is on?” Had visited her a couple of days ago and gave her a slice of Coffee Bean’s carrot cake with cream cheese filling (she mentioned before she found cakes from CB “pretty hot”. Whatever la these old people, trying to be hip konon, haha.)

She replied again,”In all the right parts, sweetie! by the way, aint it time to sort of take stock of our weight? my students said u look skinner in the photo. well?” When visited her, she was having her tuition class and they had seen a photo of self and Ms Nuts taken when we won a competition (she was the teacher advisor for it).

Replied again. “lost weight before leh! After the orientation then gain back. Ever since young have never thought was thin and when look back would always be thinner than what am now. Would never be satisfied so am not going to let Ppl dictate how should look”

Self’s only experience of losing weight was during college’s orientation. Have to admit, self concaved stomach looked so much better than usual, but self practically lost half of self’s boobs, the bras were too big at that time, so awful. However, self felt tired all the time and each time ate a meal, would feel nauseous even before eating half of it. Was so happy when regained appetite that overdid it and gain all the weight lost back. Of course, it wasn’t a healthy way to have lost weight as it was done so through the gruelling orientation activities and almost having no time to eat a proper meal then.

But back to the point of this post. Am just so disappointed with Ms Nut for bringing up this issue. We haven’t seen each other for so more than three months, and one of the first things she talks about is self’s weight. Does it really matter how self look? As if there is nothing more important than to inform Fat Girl the extent of her Fatness so that she’ll be rendered guilty enough to start conforming to society’s expectations of how a Beautiful Girl should look like – not Fat, of course. Then she will be praised if she lost weight, as if it’s something so Admirable. The most ridiculous thing about these praises are is that they are never in the likes of, “You know, you look so much healthier these days!” but always, “Oh my God! You so look so much better now that you’ve lost some weight.” Yeah, so losing weight is never the motivation for health, but for beauty by society.

If you’ve been guilty of unwittingly doing as what Ms Nut did, here are some enlightening statements from a fellow Fat Person:

1. Please don’t say we’ve gained weight. No matter how well-meant your intention is, it’s never nice to reminded of our seemingly-flawed body – seemingly, because fat is not wrong, it is made to feel wrong by society. You don’t hear people saying to smokers, “Wow, your teeth sure are getting blacker each time I see you, eh?” If we’re on the conversation of health and lifestyle, you may voice your opinion on obesity and fat people without directly referring to us. We can take the hint and opinion far better than you might think if done in a diplomatic manner. Of course, different fat individuals react differently to the comment of their getting fatter, but this is the default rule if you don’t intend to offend.

2. You might not realise, but we Fat People actually look in the mirror every day and lament at our expanding bodies. Do you think we bloody don’t know we’re gaining weight? You think our waistband magically accommodates our ballooning waistlines without giving creative imprints on our tummy as a pinching reminder? We freaking bloody know, okay, if we have gain or lost weight. So don’t think you’re doing a favour by telling us. It’s not only redundant, but hurtful, because we like to think that there are many more changes to us as a person other than a physical gain for the worse (seemingly). How would you Old People like it if we Young People say, “Gee, you’ve grown more wrinkles and liver spots since the last time I saw you?” as if that’s the only thing that matters to them about you? There are other Fat People who are happy the way they are though and have no problems looking at their bodies in the mirror.

3. Don’t ever tell us Fat People not to indulge at a party. It’s absolutely ridiculous to go to a party and not eat the delicious food the hostess has so painstakingly prepared for her guests. It’s stupid not to eat those fattening, scrumptious food just because we’re fat, as if those food only thin people deserve for what must be their very impressive self-control for maintaining a healthy weight. You should leave it to our judgement when it comes to what kind and how much food we eat, because doesn’t mean we are fat that we don’t watch what we eat. This statement does not apply to Fat People with every intention to achieve a slimmer body, of course.

Understand that some of the statements above may sound contradictory, because it smacks of insecurity yet demands respect for something am so insecure of. Well, it is. It does not mean that because am having issues with self it gives the right to people to exploit self’s insecurity and comment on that issue in a very condescending manner. Kind of like that loyal, protective feeling one gets when someone outside of the family disses a family member, but in actuality you do agree with what the disser said about family member; but it still doesn’t give that person the right to condemn family member.

Am open to your pointing out flaws in self’s argument, but please do it in a polite, respectful manner. Am usually more prone to seeing it your way if so.

Comments on: "Are fat people judged purely by their weight?" (6)

  1. sulz!

    sulz: haha, finally you found it!

  2. lovelyloey said:

    If anyone dared to complain about my sidewards expansion… I would like to use the comeback (evidently no one has dared to trifle with me yet) “At least I’m not getting more stupid”. I think that’ll shut them up for good. Hahaha.

    sulz: haha, nice, but can’t possibly use that with ms nut! ala, you’re not fat la (at least the pictures aren’t).

  3. timethief said:

    @sulz,
    What could be more stupid and more lame than filling one’s face and endangering one’s health, while failing to recognize what’s truly missing in your life?

    The answer of course is being so stupid and so lame as to listen to fat people reassuring themselves that they are “smart” without having enough guts to call them on their stupidity.

    Obese people eat to comfort themselves because they feel empty inside. Their eating disorders are just as serious as those of bulimics and anorexics. Both types of people with these eating disorders are killing themselves. Both types are choosing not to deal with inner problems like low self esteem, lack of self confidence, fear of abandonment and rejection, and clinging vine or obsessive compulsive personality disorders.

    So if they expect me to shut-up then they are so fat between their ears that their brains truly have ceased to function.

    It’s my position that if you and lovely joey are half as smart you think you are then you will have no difficulty recognizing that filling your faces and patting each other on the back for doing so is a sick cop out.

    I conclude that those who choose to trumpet with false bravado – hooray for me I’m fat! have IQ’sare rivaling those of a bag of shit.

    sulz: what you’ve commented on are just stereotyped, generalised perceptions of fat people and not every case works that way. lovely and self were commenting in half-jest, while you take this issue far more seriously than self have it seems. am not advocating the “hooray for me I’m fat” message – is it so hard for you to take self’s perspective without judging?

    you may think your approach to self’s issue is one of out concern for self, but it is not one self am appreciative of because to self, you are being condescending, impolite, intolerant and putting so much rubbish into self’s mouth. just because that is how you interpret it does not mean that self believe or say such things.

    if you seriously dislike what is in this blog, may self suggest not even visiting it anymore if it brings that much anger and displeasure to you. this is what self do with blogs that self do not agree with.

  4. @sulz

    because we like to think that there are many more changes to us as a person other than a physical gain for the worse (seemingly).”

    Really? Is that why you continually focus on the subject of being fat? Why not focus on the other aspects – other than fatness or size?

    btw – be happy that I can even see the tiny mice type on this blog…

    sulz: what other aspects are you thinking of? self don’t about fat all the time, but if you think self do, then you must hardly visit the blog, that’s why it seems so.

    haha, the theme is way too nice that’s why even am squinting as self read your comment.

  5. @ sulz “waht other aspects”
    – since you mentioned there are many more changes to you as a person, why don’t you tell me? And I never said you think about fat all the time. It just seems that your posts seem to focus on it or at least they draw attention to it. Which is fine, but your posts also seem to imply that want people do the very opposite.

    As for visiting, I may not visit your blog every day,but I hardly think that’s the reason for thinking that there’s a definite focus on being fat in your posts. I beg your pardon if that isn’t the case. But, as I always say it’s perception that counts.

    sulz: like to think am different than before. am more mellow than before. or having finally changed that 7-year-old glasses. permed hair now. better vocabulary (think?). or the things have gone through and people met in college that have changed self.

    this post’s focus is that it’s not necessary to point out the obvious to fat people because they do realise it themselves.

  6. I tend to agree with you that fat people are very stereotyped. At one point all of them were supposed to be fat and jolly Santa Claus types. Now within the culture there is a growing hatred among many so called normal people for them. I have witnessed it first hand at work and in public places. I can only assume that the people who used to hate on the disfigured and mentally challenged have found themselves another potential outcast to torment as the PC police now tend to shush them down for their scurrilous attacks and past indiscretions on “not normal” people. I got into an argument on one blog where a gentlemen who claimed to be “liberal, fair and just” was spending his time ridiculing the overweight and wanting laws passed eliminating them from normal services available to all others. He was particularly rabid about the “old and fat” handicapped people being pushed in wheelchairs by other people. He was not especially happy when I challenged him to the extent of what he knew about the reasons for them being in the chairs. I pointed out that that description could have well described myself pushing around my late mother and grandmother before they died. I also pointed out that both had severe disabilities that disallowed them from doing the things they had done naturally before a genetic form of arthritis had eaten up their spines and hips. Neither was ever thin during the majority of their life. But both could always outwork and out perform people that were much smaller individuals. But like many people life takes a toll on the body in its own unique way. He also seemed unimpressed that they were once vibrant vital members of my family and society, because he just couldn’t see past the fact that they were fat. He just couldn’t get over his prejudice and preconceptions. I linked to his website and he even exposed his hatred for fat people in his profile. I decided he was not worth the effort of conversing with.

    sulz: yes, size discrimination is the prejudice du jour, in the guise of concern of the health of fat people. there are those who are genuinely concerned, but sometimes what they don’t realise it that their approach can be negatively misconstrued. and a lot think that being fat is something they chose to be. am not saying that this applies to every fat person, but this stereotype shouldn’t be encouraged because every fat person has a different story behind their bodies. even thin people don’t necessarily connote fitness (thinness can be genetic, after all) so why should fat people connote laziness or unhealthiness?

    people like that blogger are just going to stay as narrow-minded as they want to, we can’t change that. what we can do is promote better understanding to fat and hopefully teach fat acceptance and respect to individual’s choices or circumstances regarding fat.

    thanks for sharing this!

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