If you’ve been fat before or still have that prosperous look, you would’ve definitely been asked this irritatingly inane question when meeting up old friends: “Hmm, isn’t it time you lost some weight? I can see some of your very lovely handles over there,” and proceeds to poke your stomach in what s/he thinks is a hilarious, friendly gesture.
Was text messaging Ms Nut about this open house went to just now and gloated jokingly about the yummy beef lasagna and mini brownies had in an attempt to make her envy self for having a wonderful lunch. It’s something we do between ourselves as we always poke fun at each other, she about self’s weight and self about her aging years.
She replied, “U pig u! bet u didnt take even one 4 me! anyway, u know what they say- a minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips! heh heh”
Fair enough. Then replied, “Then which part of your hip the cream cheese of the carrot cake is on?” Had visited her a couple of days ago and gave her a slice of Coffee Bean’s carrot cake with cream cheese filling (she mentioned before she found cakes from CB “pretty hot”. Whatever la these old people, trying to be hip konon, haha.)
She replied again,”In all the right parts, sweetie! by the way, aint it time to sort of take stock of our weight? my students said u look skinner in the photo. well?” When visited her, she was having her tuition class and they had seen a photo of self and Ms Nuts taken when we won a competition (she was the teacher advisor for it).
Replied again. “lost weight before leh! After the orientation then gain back. Ever since young have never thought was thin and when look back would always be thinner than what am now. Would never be satisfied so am not going to let Ppl dictate how should look”
Self’s only experience of losing weight was during college’s orientation. Have to admit, self concaved stomach looked so much better than usual, but self practically lost half of self’s boobs, the bras were too big at that time, so awful. However, self felt tired all the time and each time ate a meal, would feel nauseous even before eating half of it. Was so happy when regained appetite that overdid it and gain all the weight lost back. Of course, it wasn’t a healthy way to have lost weight as it was done so through the gruelling orientation activities and almost having no time to eat a proper meal then.
But back to the point of this post. Am just so disappointed with Ms Nut for bringing up this issue. We haven’t seen each other for so more than three months, and one of the first things she talks about is self’s weight. Does it really matter how self look? As if there is nothing more important than to inform Fat Girl the extent of her Fatness so that she’ll be rendered guilty enough to start conforming to society’s expectations of how a Beautiful Girl should look like – not Fat, of course. Then she will be praised if she lost weight, as if it’s something so Admirable. The most ridiculous thing about these praises are is that they are never in the likes of, “You know, you look so much healthier these days!” but always, “Oh my God! You so look so much better now that you’ve lost some weight.” Yeah, so losing weight is never the motivation for health, but for beauty by society.
If you’ve been guilty of unwittingly doing as what Ms Nut did, here are some enlightening statements from a fellow Fat Person:
1. Please don’t say we’ve gained weight. No matter how well-meant your intention is, it’s never nice to reminded of our seemingly-flawed body – seemingly, because fat is not wrong, it is made to feel wrong by society. You don’t hear people saying to smokers, “Wow, your teeth sure are getting blacker each time I see you, eh?” If we’re on the conversation of health and lifestyle, you may voice your opinion on obesity and fat people without directly referring to us. We can take the hint and opinion far better than you might think if done in a diplomatic manner. Of course, different fat individuals react differently to the comment of their getting fatter, but this is the default rule if you don’t intend to offend.
2. You might not realise, but we Fat People actually look in the mirror every day and lament at our expanding bodies. Do you think we bloody don’t know we’re gaining weight? You think our waistband magically accommodates our ballooning waistlines without giving creative imprints on our tummy as a pinching reminder? We freaking bloody know, okay, if we have gain or lost weight. So don’t think you’re doing a favour by telling us. It’s not only redundant, but hurtful, because we like to think that there are many more changes to us as a person other than a physical gain for the worse (seemingly). How would you Old People like it if we Young People say, “Gee, you’ve grown more wrinkles and liver spots since the last time I saw you?” as if that’s the only thing that matters to them about you? There are other Fat People who are happy the way they are though and have no problems looking at their bodies in the mirror.
3. Don’t ever tell us Fat People not to indulge at a party. It’s absolutely ridiculous to go to a party and not eat the delicious food the hostess has so painstakingly prepared for her guests. It’s stupid not to eat those fattening, scrumptious food just because we’re fat, as if those food only thin people deserve for what must be their very impressive self-control for maintaining a healthy weight. You should leave it to our judgement when it comes to what kind and how much food we eat, because doesn’t mean we are fat that we don’t watch what we eat. This statement does not apply to Fat People with every intention to achieve a slimmer body, of course.
Understand that some of the statements above may sound contradictory, because it smacks of insecurity yet demands respect for something am so insecure of. Well, it is. It does not mean that because am having issues with self it gives the right to people to exploit self’s insecurity and comment on that issue in a very condescending manner. Kind of like that loyal, protective feeling one gets when someone outside of the family disses a family member, but in actuality you do agree with what the disser said about family member; but it still doesn’t give that person the right to condemn family member.
Am open to your pointing out flaws in self’s argument, but please do it in a polite, respectful manner. Am usually more prone to seeing it your way if so.