I feel so fucking fucking fucking guilty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s the first exam and already I manage to screw something up.
A classmate messaged me online yesterday asking to confirm the date, place and time for today’s exam.
I was having a headache and I was pms-ing.
Honestly, I didn’t bother to take her question seriously, thinking she will just ask someone else to confirm. I didn’t give her a good answer to her question.
Now she’s missed the exam and will have to graduate one year later.
Because of me!!!!
I really feel like it’s all my fault. If I had taken her seriously she wouldn’t have missed the exam.
This small part of me is insisting, “You can’t hold yourself responsible for HERSELF. She should know better when her exams are. There are plenty of ways to find out other than asking YOU.”
It’s not that I’m holding myself responsible for her responsibilities. It’s that I have had the ability to help her and I chose NOT TO, and that’s what kills me.
I wish I never went online yesterday night.
DAMN YOU FOR PUTTING THIS ON MY CONSCIENCE! I MUST HOLD YOU RESPONSIBLE FOR BEING IRRESPONSIBLE TO YOURSELF, AND BY THAT CAUSING ME GRIEF DURING AN IMPORTANT TIME WHEN I SHOULD BE FOCUSING ON MY STUDIES. INSTEAD, I AM BLOGGING MY FRUSTRATIONS HERE BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE ANY REAL FRIENDS TO TALK TO.
I ONLY HAVE STUPID FRIENDS LIKE YOU WHO MAKE ME FEEL SO FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING GUILTY!!!
November 8, 2006