blogging gobbledygook and such

What is utterly ridiculous about receiving fashion advice is when it is coming from someone who is style-handicapped.

Case in point: Em who is bigger (but fitter) than self was talking her usual rubbish. Was feeling quite snippy and retorted to all her narrow-minded, politically (and often morally) incorrect views. Of course she couldn’t stand for that, so she changed the subject and started talking about clothes, particularly self’s clothes. She claimed that

1. self shouldn’t wear that babydoll tube top because it’s loose and baggy, and fat people shouldn’t wear such clothes because it would only make them look bigger.

2. self shouldn’t wear that black A-line tiered skirt bought recently because of previous theory about loose clothes.

3. self should wear that out-of-fashion black pixie skirt (ie. the kind that has the shredded look) that clings to thighs.

This is from the woman who is fatter than self but wears ONLY leggings and short tops that do not go over her hideous, flabby derriere for every formal occasion. Whose wardrobe staple for daily wear / exercise / grocery shopping consist of tight three-quarter leggings to show off her chunky legs and VPL, in which she bends over frequently to show off her wobblies without the slightest self-consciousness.

Any girl or woman with some reasonable amount of fashion knowledge would know the rules:

1. that babydoll tops hide a flabby tummy excellently (and it has a busy floral print in it, what more camouflage can you get from that!), and emphasise your bust because of the empire waistline.

2. A-line skirts are perfect for women with big thighs, butt or hips, as it skims over that part of the body and not draw attention to it, what more a black A-line skirt.

3. Pixie skirts are so passé! And this one was so tight you could see self’s tummy bulging out if the top isn’t long enough.

Anyway, some more fashion tips for fat girls. Or big girls, if you prefer that.

4. Invest in a black cardigan – it’s the thing you will need most when you have a I-feel-fat day.

5. Big, busy prints look great on you; don’t ever attempt to try anything with small prints or horizontal stripes.

6. Layering can give the impression that your bulk is due to your clothing. It also makes your body look more impressive when you peel the layers off because you’ll be smaller than you look (this is obviously for dating scenarios). But if you don’t think layering works, get clothes in thin materials. But not too tight or clingy, it’ll just show your flab under the tight bra straps, and never in white – it’ll be too transparent!

7. It’s unfathomable how some style-conscious women can take such pains to ensure their outer clothing have the best cut and perfect fit but can neglect their underwear. Never ever wear underwear that is too tight or too loose or too old or too whatever. There are many fashionable ladies out there, but with VPL they might as well not bother. Good-fitting yet affordable bras are hard to find, so invest in a more pricey one – chances are it’s a better quality one and will not have those unsightly bulges when you wear the bra under a form-fitting top.

8. Wide-leg jeans or hipsters with stretchy materials are really good even if you’ve gained a few pounds.

9. Strapless tops look fabulous on big girls, because most likely they have big busts too. If you like some support, get only tank tops with thin straps or halter necks. The trick is to have the sleeve or strap cut off as far away from your shoulder as possible to create a smooth look, even if your arms are flabby. If you don’t get that, imagine yourself wearing a cap-sleeved top and you’ll know what am trying to say.

10. Wrap-around outfits have got to be the best clothing ever created in fashion (many are going to disagree and say jeans, but hey, each to her own). Wrap dress, wrap skirt, wrap top, wrap whatever, it just hides the bad bits and highlights the good bits.

Fashion tips are mostly sound advice, but it only works if you believe in it and have the confidence to pull it off. Yes, confidence is the key – you can look fabulous with just confidence and nothing else.

This post is a tribute to self’s best and only shopping advisor Angel, for being so patient with self’s fussy and often capricious fashion taste and encouraging self to try clothes that might not otherwise.

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Comments on: "Who’s your worst fashion advisor?" (6)

  1. lovelyloey said:

    Yes. Cap-sleeves are for people who have toothpicks for arms.
    I like empire tops, but sometimes I’m afraid people might mistake it for some maternity top and think I’m pregnant. -bleah-

    sulz: yea, got that remark a couple of times, but am not bothered. the trick to babydoll tops is the material; the “heavy” kind like silk would skim over the body contour very nicely, but the “light” materials like cotton just stiffly bunches around your body, which just makes you look fatter.

    if not wrong, how heavy a material is depends on the thread count or something.

  2. leggings? NO NO NO!

    sulz: exactly! but dare not risk life to inform her.

  3. Yep… Black makes you look thinner… I agree… Nice post…

    sulz: haha, never pegged you as someone fashion-conscious! thanks. 🙂

  4. hey… nice post… i agree wid almost every thing being “big” myself… especially the thing bout black clothes and A line skirts… 🙂

    sulz: thank you, it’s nice to hear from a fashion savvy fellow big girl!

  5. oh… and the above lady is my significant other btw… 🙂

    sulz: wow… she sounds cute. 😉 is she really as big as she claims to be? there are many skinny girls out there who wail about their nonexistent tummies. 🙄

  6. I really shouldn’t be saying anything regarding her size or fashion sense… It’s a promise I’ve kept to myself regarding all girls… But she is not a perfect 10 I tell you. 😉

    sulz: which girl is a perfect 10, huh? good promise, it’ll land you in less trouble.

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