blogging gobbledygook and such

Even God’s love isn’t, no matter what the religion says. If Jesus can love you unconditionally, then why, according to the Scripture, people who do not accept Christ in their lives would be banished to hell? That’s a condition for Jesus’s otherwise unconditional love, isn’t it? (Am using Christianity as an example only because that’s the only religion have some knowledge of in this context.)

Humans are no better. Blood is thicker than water, but some things neither family nor friend can accept. Like telling your traditional, conservative parents you are a homosexual. Or confessing to your best friend that you once kissed her boyfriend in a drunk stupor.

Everybody is incapable of unconditional love, in self’s opinion.

Those selfless people who fling themselves in front of an oncoming car to save their loved one’s life, they aren’t showing unconditional love. It’s simply a protective instinct triggered. Those wives who accept their husbands’ apology and promise to never be unfaithful again, they aren’t showing unconditional love. It’s a marital strategy to minimise hurt and loss. Mothers who time and again forgive their errant children, they aren’t showing unconditional love. They just have a higher level of tolerance reserved for their offspring; these children’s sins have not gone beyond the limit of their mothers’ conditional love, thus making it seem unconditional.

Love has to be conditional. If love is unconditional, you will love everything and everybody and in time it becomes meaningless. Unconditional love means you are loved without any reason.

Conditional love gives meaning to the people and things you care about. Conditional love sets you apart from the others; conditional love means you can be loved for who you are.

Comments on: "Is love ever truly unconditional?" (10)

  1. I was thinking about this the other day. The concept of unconditional love as wishful thinking, and not like something perfect we should all be looking for. I found out some time ago that not even my mother would love me unconditionally as much as she’d like to. But it didn’t feel bad, I actually like a little more the idea of being loved because I deserve it, and not because someone unconditionally loves me. Great post. 🙂

    sulz: exactly, you are loved because you deserved it, and that is meaningful and you appreciate the love better. thank you. 🙂

  2. My little dog will say yes.

    if I scold him,
    forget to feed him,
    or take him out for his walk,
    or play ‘catch me if you can’
    or take him to the vet for a big jab,

    I still get a lick and a tail wag.
    Unconditional love?
    I only need to look in his eyes.

    sulz: that’s because like mothers, pets have very high levels of tolerance reserved for their owners. scolding or forgetting his daily care is not the condition for his love. if you abuse him, torture him, that might be the condition… if you replaced your pet with your future child, it’s the same result – your child will still love you, but it’s not unconditional love displayed. you are loved because you deserve it!

  3. I think there is some kinds of love that are unconditional. There are some exceptions but here goes: A baby’s love is unconditional. A mother’s, a father’s, grandparent’s and most sibling’s love is usually unconditional. As mentioned above even a dog’s love and devotion can be unconditional. Maybe less for some than others but you cannot judge the subject by personal experience alone. The other thing you have to remember is that love does not guarantee loyalty. A family member may love you unconditionally – but that does not mean if they think you did something wrong they have to take the hit for something you have done.

    sulz: as self’s reply to little indian, the reason love seems unconditional is because you have not pass the limit. though the idea focuses more on how you deserve love, hence the reason for it being conditional. if you don’t deserve love, you have no reason to be loved, that’s unconditional.

    this is obviously a very very subjective question, loyalty can be considered a vital component in love, yet it can be disregarded in certain scenarios, as you mentioned.

  4. Kalyani said:

    Hmmm… have you wondered just why a mother has a higher degree of tolerance? My idea is that it is unconditional originally, but because of so many factors in a society as complicated as that of humans, plenty of conditional factors get attached to it. As in, if there is some benefit to be derived from your kids, there is no reason why that shouldn’t be a motivation to love them better.

    You might want to check out some posts I wrote partly on the topic:

    sulz: hmm, interesting theory. so was love formerly unconditional but became conditional through social changes? that doesn’t sound impossible at all.

    read both your posts; the ideas flew right off self’s head! 😛

  5. Kalyani said:

    Yeah. See, may other much much simpler organisms show parental care, but they don’t have any social standing, cheating, etc. sort of thing. So, that has to be unconditional.

    sulz: organisms = animals? only the kind who cares for their young though. but don’t the mother cats refuse to care for their kittens if they have been ‘tainted’ by the touch of a human hand? or something like that.

  6. Unconditional love, does it exist?
    If you accept ‘conditional’ love,
    logic says there has to be unconditional love.
    And in my reckoning, that is the only form of love.
    I do not believe conditional love is ‘true love’
    call it anything else as you wish.

    There is one person in my life,
    who I give my love, with no conditions attached.
    There were two, sadly lost one of them.
    Others are just friends, relatives and acquantainces.
    Sorry, and to a little pooch as well. 🙂

    Don’t ask me what true love is,
    I can feel it, but will not be able to describe it in words,
    and it can only be unconditional.

    sulz: you definitely speak for those who believe in unconditional love. just like beauty, love is in the eye of the beholder. 🙂

  7. Kalyani said:

    Cats are complicated creatures, one of the most advanced ones. I am talking about much simpler animals, like some insects, including some not-so-social ones.

    sulz: cats? advanced? hmm..

  8. matariki said:

    A mother’s love can/may be unconditional, but that doesn’t mean that she can’t reprove/punish her child for unacceptable behaviour. Part of her love is directed to making sure that said child will grow up to become an accepted citizen, according to the mores and standards of their culture.
    That might also include saying to the older nearly adult child “Sorry, but if you behave in that manner, you may no longer live in this house.” Doesn’t mean she no longer loves them.
    If her love was conditional, why would she feel such devastating pain at having to say that?

    And God’s love? I don’t think we can ever understand that. Not at our present stage of evolution, anyway. The scriptures are not infallable, you know, although I’ll surely get trashed for saying that. The scriptures were given at a certain time, to certain (fallable) people, who lived in a certain culture that we may well no longer understand. There are so many gaps, so many inconsistancies. They have been translated and re-translated so may times in so many different languages. The mere act of communicating in your mother tongue can lead to huge misunderstandings. How much more so is lost in translation?

    sulz: conditional love definitely does not mean scolding or punishing the children! conditional love, in self’s mind, is the possibility of someone not loving you anymore if you cross beyond the condition of their love. that may be becoming a homosexual, that may be by being a murderer, that may be by having a baby out of wedlock, etc. while people believe in the unconditionality of family love, you can’t deny there are people who do not love their offspring too.

    this is a terribly subjective issue!

  9. I am surprised you did not put up my second comment.
    I thought it was clean and relevant.

    sulz: ? the blog is unmoderated. if you commented a second time, it should have gone up. or are you referring to the second part of your first comment here? thought self’s reply has covered that.

  10. No, it was a new comment between 4&5.
    My poor little comment, 😦 ; lost somewhere in the cyber space.

    It probably has boldly gone,
    where no comment has gone before.

    sulz: it went to a pretty common place actually – found it in akismet! good thing you gave a time frame, otherwise wouldn’t have searched that far back for your comment. will reply it after this.

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