Have always been an introvert by nature. Am someone with lots of thoughts swirling inside of head but nobody on the right wavelength to share it with.
Suddenly am pouring innermost thoughts like a dam burst. Reading the things have written, it’s hard to believe it came from self, because in reality, in person, am not like that at all.
It’s like reading a classmate’s blog. The person you know as your classmate is not like the persona of the blogger at all. It’s as if they are two different people, except that you know they aren’t.
Anyway, back to the point am trying to make. Am glad that the inner, more intimate part of self has found an outlet, even if it is not in an actual person, but in the virtual activity of blogging. Am so dependent on blogging to release innermost thoughts that when the chance to reveal this side of self to a friend, have chosen not to.
And yet, sometimes at night before sleep comes, have these thoughts that would like to share in blog so much, but it’s silly to wake up in the middle of the night just to pen thoughts. Then that desire comes, that desire to have a friend to confide to, the kind where you can call up at 2 in the morning, knowing he is most likely awake and willing to listen to your mindless chatter. And even if he isn’t he’ll entertain you anyway.
So am blogging because do not have that special friend in life. And do not need that special friend in life because am blogging.
Could it be that blogging has rendered self unable to form intimate friendships with the people in self’s life, simply because can’t learn to trust?
Or is blogging going to be that faithful companion am never going to have because have too high expectations for the position?
Imagine if am dead, and loved ones have discovered this blog. To them it’ll be like reading the diary of a person they’d never known. The thought of that… saddens self, yet we know that there are sides to us that can’t possibly be revealed to the people in our lives.