blogging gobbledygook and such

Do you believe in The One?

Everyone hopes they will find The One. The perfect soul mate to spend the rest of their lives with. That one special person out there that’s supposed to be the perfect match for you.

The One is a concept that symbolises your true love is predetermined by some higher powers. That you are two halves of one soul, going through the paths of life to be reunited.

How can you tell if you’ve found The One? Some say you’ll feel in your heart when you do. Some people rely on significant moments in their courtship to confirm that that’s The One.

So along the way, in your search of The One, you love and leave many people whom you thought was The One, only to realise you were wrong. You may not even know for sure if The One for you is out there.

As for self, there is no such thing as The One. To self, The One is not chosen by the powers that be, it is a choice that am making to have that person to be The One. It would be a commitment am making to devote self to that person for the rest of self’s life. The relationship is not meant to be, it is made to be. To self, there is no higher compliment than knowing the person you love is there because that person wants to and made that commitment, and not because the person is making come true what was preordained. (This is taken for granted that the person does indeed love you to begin with, hence the voluntary commitment.)

Perhaps this perspective has glaring flaws; feel free to explore those points with self in the comments.

Comments on: "Do you believe in The One?" (16)

  1. This is a very interesting question. What is love? What is the inner commitment necessary to love some body else in an enduring way. Do we find it or do we make it happen.? All I can tell you is that with age these questions do not get any easier and the answers do not get any clearer. We all just do our best to enjoy the journey somehow. But it is thought provoking stuff from sulz:)

    sulz: thank you. πŸ™‚ yes, sometimes we should just enjoy the ride instead of thinking how the ride came about!

  2. no, I don’t believe in The One. I also don’t believe in “love at first sight”. I do, however, believe in what is called “true love”; of which my definition is when two people love each other unconditionally and truly accept the others faults, you know, those couples that at first glance you think “why are they together?”, but if you come to know them you understand that there is a strong and everlasting bond between them. I also believe that such a bond is only achieved through what you call “voluntary commitment”.

    sulz: love the part in your comment about “why are they together;” haha, that cracked me up because it’s so true! hopefully if am lucky to have a special someone in self’s life that there would be that bond you’re talking about. πŸ™‚

  3. Even I don’t believe in The One theory to success. It’s a foolish thing to believe that marriages are made in heaven and the one you are meant to be with is already decided by some supreme power. What happened with Britney Spears then? Was the supreme power playing a joke with her by giving her not only The One but The Two, Three and don’t know how many to come? It’s a foolish thought really.

    And as Jan says, Love at first sight seems a silly concept to me as well. Only attraction happens on first sight and nothing else. What I believe is that you should go with a person with whom you can vibe and who you truly care for. It’s not necessary that you will be first time lucky or that the first crush will accept you. You fall and learn in everything and that happens in love too. You can’t expect that you’ll keep waiting and someday somebody will come and he will have a board in his hand which says, “I’m the one for you!”. It’s tacky really.

    sulz: haha, you sound like such a realist! do you have a romantic bone in your body? πŸ˜‰ otherwise your poor girlfriend… πŸ˜›

    but am actually quite a realist too, so am nodding to much of your points.

  4. I do not believe that marriages are made in heaven. I do believe that there are people we meet in our lives that we are instantly drawn to and who in turn are just as strongly drawn to us. I believe that we can at different times in our lives and even at the same time in our lives love more than one other human being.

    In other words, I do not believe that the love that may have brought two people together in a marriage or equivalent relationship will necessarily last forever or that it will always remain in the same “honeymoon” state forevermore.

    What I see around me in almost all cultures is serial monogamy. So anyone who believes in “the One” or who is prepared to allocate that label to another person should stop and consider that the only constant there is in our universe is change.

    I posted an article in my blog that I think is really worth reading. Four types of love:
    1. Childish Love
    2. Parental Love
    3. Infatuated
    4. In Love
    And it’s no coincidence that you can HAVE the first two types of love, but you can only BE the third and fourth.

    If you have met a prospective partner then consider those 4 kinds of love.

    If you have lots of Childish Love in you for that person quite simply – try to ditch it! Your partner is NOT your parent.

    If you have lots of Parental Love in you for that person channel it! You are NOT his or her mother or father, you’re his or her lover!

    “Being in love is a beautiful thing. An awesome thing. But if you live in fear that it may disappear one day, and your fear drives you to attempt to β€œcage” your loved one, then your love will surely die eventually. In many ways, love is like a butterfly: fragile and beautiful when it is free to choose where to go and what to do. But placing a butterfly in a tiny cage so that you could stop it from flying away from you in order for you to enjoy it more would be a terrible thing. That butterfly’s beauty would soon be destroyed, and it would sadly die.”

    sulz: thanks for sharing, really adds to what am trying to say! πŸ™‚ thanks for the link too.

  5. Hehe interesting. I don’t think I believe in “The One” as “My soulmate is out there, all I need to do is find him and it’ll be perfect”.

    I don’t think there’s one person that I will meet with a choir of angels, and everything is going to be happy ever after. I guess it’s just wishful thinking.

    I think “The One” will be gradually be produced, rather than just delivered for you.

    You can indeed find a person who you click with, that you love, that you know, and that you decide to fight the obstacles in the way to keep the relationship. Then he’ll become the one. It’s not predetermined.

    sulz: gradually produced rather than delivered, that’s a nice way of putting it. πŸ™‚

  6. I’m a realist yea, but that’s because it’s logical. I don’t know if I have a romantic bone in my body, maybe I broke it or maybe it’s lost amongst so many others. Right now all I can think of is an over stressed, tired and depressed bone wanting to break.

    sulz: bad day? hang in there, it always gets better after that. *hug*

  7. I believe “The ONE” is my relationship with all-that-is, and all relationships I have reflect those qualities I want either to develop in myself, or to overcome/get past. In a primary relationship, I think we come together to support each other’s “path”. If there is a strong attraction, it often means that we have much to LEARN from a person. It may be short-term, but often can be a lifetime exploring towards the ONE.

    sulz: hmm, that seems like a different outlook towards the concept already; interesting! πŸ™‚

  8. hey… sorry was offline for a while thanks to exams…

    well, six months ago, i didn’t believe in THE ONE. i was in a pseudo-relationship (which basically means it wasn’t a full-fledged commitment); i was trying to make myself believe that we were meant to be, despite the glaring differences we had. but i couldn’t gather myself to make the move. so basically, i was, in effect, still single.

    then, it happened. by a stroke of luck, i met someone; referred to in my blog as ‘the princess’. in a short amount of time, we realized we had so much in common. likes, dislikes, and everything else. this may sound commonplace, but it isn’t make-believe… we share the minutest of details. heck, we even have the same ‘favorite extra-terrestrial satellite’ (to think we even talk about this stuff!).

    well, the rest of the story is the same as most everybody. we now agree that the probability of us meeting were almost zero, considering the things that had to add up for it.

    so basically, she’s THE ONE for me, and it ain’t a mad romeo saying this. it’s something we agree upon, and quite logically so. we’d rather spend our lives together.

    sulz: nice to hear from you again! πŸ™‚ hey, if you really feel she’s the one, you should do something about it. would think that she’s worth giving a shot you know, even if it takes a lot of commitment and sacrifices…

  9. well, i’ve done a lot about it πŸ˜›
    we intend to be like this for good.

    sulz: good! hope it will work out for you and your princess. πŸ™‚

  10. The one is fine for romantic novels. But in real life the one is only possible with a shared commitment with your partner realizing that their will be good times and bad times where you just do not get along. It is life in a nutshell.

    sulz: yup, good times and bad times indeed. that’s what makes a real family…

  11. […] the person you love? Or is your faith more important than a potential life partner? After all, if there’s no such thing as The One, surely there would be someone else for you out […]

  12. […] am saying there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ person. There is no The One. There’s just mutual commitment between two people who are determined to work at their […]

  13. Okay, I know this is an old one, but I wanted to drop a little penny in.

    The capital O in the One made me think all Tao about the whole thing. The One being the whole, the all that springs from the Tao, the union of all.


    In this context, maybe there is a One, and it is just the harmony of two people that we’re looking for, balanced, together and whole.

    It’s not one person, it’s two, together, at that time, working together.

    I think we all (if we’re lucky) feel like that with all sorts of people in all sorts of different ways at all sorts of different times. So there’s not one One, there’s many Ones, and they are all of us, when we unite with someone.

    It happens, it’s not always romantic, but it’s always empowering, enlightening and warming.

    And all that from one capital O.

    Here’s hoping for more One-ness for all.

    sulz: that’s different, because you think there are many ones. some people think there is only one one, which is not very logical, because how can you only have one one? how would you know the one you think is the one is the one?

    if you have more ones, that makes more sense. in different stages of your life you’d have someone whom you consider to be the one at that moment in your life. that person could remain the one if circumstances allow (like not dying a sudden death, for instance). and you could have a different the one in another stage of your life, due to circumstances.

    oh dear, am not sure if am making much sense or if have even deviated from self’s stand in this post. haha.

  14. Totally agree! Like I was saying in my post, I think the key to finding your “ones” is to have yourself together first and just be open to life’s possibilities.

    sulz: yes, definitely being open to other options bring you more opportunities and experience, even if it may not be a very good one. but i think bad experiences help you appreciate a good one when it happens to you, and it is the same with love! πŸ™‚

  15. […] dating doesn’t work for me. It just means I haven’t found someone long enough. Since I don’t believe in the concept of The One, technically it has worked for me because I have found Some One; he just didn’t stay as long […]

  16. No, I don’t believe in The One either. Mostly because it seems unfair. When people die young and so they never had a chance to fall in love, what happens to the person they were supposed to be with? Is he/she meant to spend the rest of his/her life alone then, because The One for him/her has died?

    If there was someone you’re really supposed to be with, but it’s up to you to find him/her, so sometimes your life ends without ever having found him/her, well, that idea’s just too cruel. Why would I want to believe that?

    sulz: yeah! why limit yourself to one person, when you could possibly have so many meaningful relationships with other people? πŸ™‚

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