Surely you’d like to find the love of your life, someone you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with. And when you do find that person, you’d probably try your best to overcome the obstacles that might be ahead of you. Maybe that obstacle can be in the form of the family not approving of your significant other. Or maybe it’s distance – you found someone on the Internet. Or maybe it’s financial – you have the love but find it hard to maintain the relationship. Problems like that can be easily overcomed as long as you have the desire to get past them.
What if the problem is in the form of religion? As in, you love this guy/girl, you want to marry him/her, but s/he won’t, because the both of you are of different faiths. The only way is to convert to his/her religion. Would you?
In Malaysia, you cannot marry a Muslim without being a Muslim yourself. So if you aren’t a Muslim to begin with, you have to convert in order to marry your significant other. Many people have gone through this path.
But what if you don’t believe in the faith of your significant other’s? Would you convert in order to be with the person you love? Or is your faith more important than a potential life partner? After all, if there’s no such thing as The One, surely there would be someone else for you out there?
But are you willing to risk regretting letting go of someone because you are not willing to accept his or her faith?
ps. In reality, most of us would probably choose not to choose, but just put yourself in that spot for the moment… can you see yourself doing one or the other?
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Comments on: "Would you choose love over religion?" (82)
I do not think you can exchange one for the other if you are truly committed to either one. If you are truly committed and you change just because they can not coexist then you will windup hating the one you choose for making you give up something you cared about.
sulz: that’s true, but you’re not exactly making a choice. unless going by your answer, if you wouldn’t choose to love that way, then you’d choose religion?
That is because I would not make a choice against my belief of either.If I loved someone then I would expect the same from them. Which means that the baggage they carry is part of what you love. To take away part of that existence is to change what you profess to love.
AS to religious differences it is something I see all the time. Though I have never had to deal with a friend in a Muslim/other relationships, I know of a family friend whom married out of their religion and did make the switch because the one partner refused to get married unless they did. The marriage went bust. Nor was their any real commitment to the change of faith. You either believe in your faith or you do not, it is that simple. You cannot just say today I am Christian, tomorrow I will be Jewish and maybe I will be a Buddhist after that. It does not work that way, if you believe, it only works that way as a convenience. The commitment must be a change in spirit not in convenience. Being a part of a religion is more than just saying I am a (fill in the blank).
sulz: so you choose not to choose? 😉 fair enough…
I wouldn’t.
For cases whereby I would have to follow his faith in order to marry him (e.g. Islam, Catholicism), I most definitely would not because canon rules of a religion to me is nothing but artificial construct of human society.
And seriously, if these gods are loving and benevolent, they wouldn’t need to force me into something I’m not willing to commit, right?
(Off topic, but I just used a tag-question! :P)
sulz: so religion over love ah? yeah, would probably do that too actually.
heh, couldn’t spot you in the video yesterday though.
Firstly, that’s a very illogical law that you can marry a Muslim only if you’re a Muslim. Why that in today’s world which says it’s so advanced and has gone over the barriers of religion etc?
Now to the question, would I change my religion? It depends on the situation. I myself am not a real religion believer and might change it if I really can’t live without the girl. But yes, my family will come in between. They’ll probably be mortified at the idea of me converting my religion for somebody else. It would depend on the way the girl asks for it, If she really loves me too, she’ll understand it and never ask me to do it and then maybe I’d do it. But if she’s gonna pester me to do it, I may not be that interested. The religion isn’t important for me, it’s mostly the attitude that matters. I think it might just happen in my case soon..when I tell the one I like that I like her. She seems like an orthodox Hindu and I’m a Sikh so maybe she’ll say that she can’t be with me because of the religion difference. That would hurt me more than any other way of denial. She can tell me that I look like a jerk and leave me but if she does it because of religion, then she’s got her attitude all wrong. It’s just so useless creating boundaries between humans at the name of religion when all of them teach the same thing.
sulz: there are plenty more illogical laws in malaysia than this, really!
hmm, you sound like you’d do it for love still. 😉 would think that there are some people worth doing it for, it’s a small sacrifice if religion doesn’t matter much to the person converting.
Would I change my religion just because I love someone? No! I have to love and believe that religion to do so. But then… I’m not religious. Frankly, a lot of rules in religions are also “created and maintained” by man / politicians who want to impose control. I don’t believe God would want anyone to stop loving others just because the person has a different religion.
sulz: if you’re not religious, would it be that big a deal to convert, then? after all, this sort of thing is just a formality – nobody checks to see if you’re a good follower of the faith or something. mean, this is the guy you’re convince you want to spend the rest of your life with!
well, according to some christian friends, the bible encourages them to find life partners of the same faith to avoid this problem actually!
Being mostly arreligious, I would find it impossible. I couldn’t pretend to believe in something I didn’t, and I don’t think I could believe in most things. Could someone I love persuade me to believe? They’d stand a better chance than most, but I still doubt it.
sulz: so it’s religion for you (at least what you believe in). well, let’s hope that you won’t ever come to a situation like this! 🙂
I just can’t ever imagine wanting to marry a person who would ask this of me, as intellectual integrity is more important to me than the companionship of a particular person. There are a couple of ways this could go. Either the “beloved other” was devoted to their religion, in which case I probably would not want to be with them long term, as there would be too many differences in outlook; or the beloved would be “going through the motions” to please family, and I wouldn’t want to be with a person that did that either. I would rather go through a secular or personal/spiritual ceremony, which leads me to ask: You say in Malaysia you must be Muslim to marry Muslim. Are there civil laws about living together outside of legal marriage there? Would you be able to do that without persecution?
sulz: you cannot live with a muslim without marriage, or else you’d be arrested by the religious police. if you want to marry a muslim without being one yourself, you’d have to live outside of malaysia to do so. and once you’re a muslim you’d be one for life, even after you’ve divorce your muslim spouse. so it’s a really big decision to make if you want to live in malaysia for the rest of your life!
another vote for religion from you then?
It’s really not the point that if I am not religious now so therefore I can adopt any faith and be non-practicing. It’s about being labelled and being part of something, even in name, that I don’t believe in. That is irksome.
(PS: Cos have cut hair and wore black. Heh. I saw you though. At the back row.)
sulz: yeah, the label bit does bother self somewhat if were to be in such a situation.
got hair cut too. bleh was trying hard to avoid the damn camera, haha!
If I were a religious person – I would not convert.
I am spiritual but not religious and still would not take up the religion.
Love is great, but isn’t worth throwing away your beliefs over. Love WILL find you again.
sulz: true – and as said by some commenters above, if he or she really loves you this shouldn’t be an issue between the both of you in the first place, should it? 🙂
The thing is, that if you replace the term religion with ‘world view’ or ‘fundamental beliefs’ then the question becomes ridiculous. I mean, would a career scientist suddenly give up all faith in experimental evidence and all that had been tested and proven in his life’s study, any more than a committed creationist would give up their beliefs.
Some things have to be fundamental core that makes up your being. In a truly loving relationship you might be able to overlook differences, but would you be willing to give up your beliefs for it? I hope not. I’d hope that neither partner would demand that of the other.
(This may be partly inspired by watching Stardust last night, but the point I’m trying to make is that love should be unconditional, and therefore someone who loves you would understand your beliefs and not want to change them. They would be part of what they loved.)
sulz: well, the word religion was meant to be used rather loosely to include other faiths and beliefs which may not be classified as religion as such. agree that differences shouldn’t separate two people in love.
wonder then how these muslims manage to convince their spouses to convert? or why did the spouses agree to?
I’m not religious but I’m righteous :p Why should I be the 1 to change? Why not he change? Why not both of us change? The world would be a better place when there’s more freedom and understanding between people who practice religions.
sulz: wah, righteous! 😛 hehe, hopefully your future husband-to-be will not ask you to do such a thing!
do you have some rap music handy somewhere?
what i’m gonna say will sound best with a rap background – just sing it in the rap way!
there’s something i got to say
i’m not religious anyway.
i’ll choose love o’er religion any day.
love’s good, love’s here to stay
it’s time i won an emmy, no?
sulz: very very cute! but you’re rather far away from that emmy just yet… 😛
Hey sulz, muslim marrying muslim is not a law in only Malaysia..it is prevalent in each country that has muslims (including India)..it is because nikah is according to shariat..that a nikah happens only between two muslims. Even as per Hindu marriage act, a hindu wedding happens only between two hindus…remember that news about Priyanka and Umer…Umer had converted to hinduism to marry her. His name was changed to Uma shankar or something. Sometimes these conversions are solely for marriage-sake and not lifelong.
In India, people from different religions can marry in court under Special Marriages Act without changing religion. This is what I would prefer..
I would always choose love over religion, yet not change it. And I have a reason for it. I believe God is one, and different religions are just different routes to reach Him. So if I change my religion, I defeat the purpose. I defeat the preaching all religions are same. I will choose love, and yet not change religion. That is my answer. For people like me, there is Special Marriages Act.
sulz: thanks for the clarification, did not realise that! that special marriages act is a really good idea, but can it legalise marriage between a couple of which one of them is muslim and the other is not?
your way of viewing god and religion is ideal, and what self sometimes feel too. 🙂
I’m another who’d have to say religion, if that’s being used to include other beliefs/non-beliefs. As something of an agnostic, I think I’d be insulted if someone said “I love you, but I just can’t get past that you don’t believe what I do”. I don’t think I’d be the same person if I did change, and if I was just pretending that’s not fair to her or her family. I value my own company (and integrity) enough that I’d rather part ways than live a lie.
Thankfully I haven’t found myself in that situation yet! But I guess it’s not that different to asking someone who doesn’t want to have children to have them or to break up, and that’s something I have thought about. But even in that scenario there are compromises (adoption, etc.), whereas with religion it’s all or nothing… interesting what-if, though. 😉
sulz: well justified! though it might leave you pretty broken-hearted if you were in such a situation… 😉 but in a way, yeah, you aren’t being true to yourself if you compromised a part of you that you feel is extremely important.
I don’t think I would marry the guy if he asked me to convert! I’d definately rethink about our relationship. Perhaps even breaking up.
sulz: sad ending to your love story lor like that… 😦 but quite understandable!
Yeah, I do sound like I’d change my religion. Basically I don’t believe in any of the religions but I’d not be very happy if the person I’m in love with asks me to convert. That shouldn’t be important to her. As I said earlier, it depends on the situation. Maybe we’d run away from home and marry without our parents permission if either of them force us to change religions. But that’s being a bit too far fetched..I need to talk to her first lol. 😛
sulz: that’s perfectly okay if you do – after all, many people have done that! they’ve probably reasoned with themselves before making that decision. that can be in a way a very romantic gesture too. 🙂 but it is complicated when love and religion collide…
Very interesting question– I wouldn’t (and haven’t) changed my beliefs (or lack of), nor would I expect someone else to do it. I guess the trickier issues come after you have kids.
sulz: ah, that’s another dilemma for sure! whose religion to expose the kids to? well, for self, the kids can decide for themselves but there wouldn’t be harm to expose to them one religion more than another.
Yeah, you see I never believed in love. I’m still unclear about that status but I don’t believe in religion. If she asks me to get God fearing and start praying and all, that I can’t do. I might change my religion because it doesn’t matter to me but that doesn’t mean that after changing my religion I would start visiting her religious places and praying in the way they do. Nope, that’s not happening. It is complicated indeed.
sulz: that’s the case with many love converts actually, so probably expected by their loved ones! 😉
I’ll take love for a thousand hugs! Cheers!
sulz: only hugs? 😉 you’re easy to satisfy… 😛
i know quite few married couple of mixed marriage with children whose kids are doing just fine.
but it is an interesting scenario. for example. take this hindu-muslim couple. hindus don’t eat cows, cos they are sacred. muslims do eat cows and big-time too, they have a major festival that can be termed the cow-eating festival.
muslims don’t have any visible gods. but hindus worship idols.
i don’t know for sure what these kids are gonna do. but i’s be more tahn happy to know that they follow no religion at all. rather being a good person is what i expect from them. i am sorry to say that i have found many religious people to be worse then irreligious people.
all religions have to do wiyh heaven – they lure you into doing something good bcos you will be rewarded in heaven. so religion is about your own afterlife happiness really!
but love, love is truly worth fighting for. cos you are not doing it only for you, but for the significant other as well. making someone happy right here on earth should be worth more than your own happiness in heaven.
i wouldn’t dare to be a heartbreaker.
love is my religion and the earth is my heaven when i have my beloved beside me.
sulz: from the mouth of a romantic! definitely don’t disagree with you on some points there. 🙂
sulz: only hugs? you’re easy to satisfy… But it goes to show that mankind needs more than love and faith to survive the armageddon that is the Modern World; the hole of a grave that we have all dug for ourselves far ahead of time.
sulz: whoa, suddenly the deep stuff comes out! 😉 well, it’s true that we need more than love and faith…
[…] Matrimony – An Experiment in Ambivalence and Offensiveness (with some Love) So, Sulz made an intriguing post recently, about love versus faith and the […]
I think there’s a real danger that comes with trying to “work out love in advance”. Love doesn’t respect boundaries like race or religion or appearance or education or social status.
Those boundaries to love were set up by men within paternalistic cultures. The aim was control of women, children, property and finances. These boundaries are the antithesis of the expression of the freedom to love.
While it’s true that one can fetter their mind with all kinds of taboos, I believe there is plenty of evidence that when it comes to love -it’s folly to think that it can be “confined” by these artifical constructs.
sulz: well, most would agree with you there. thanks for sharing your thoughts! 🙂
What about not being religious enough? My girlfriend says that she cannot stay with me because I am not as Christian as she is. She says I dont have that “fire for God” that she would like me to have. Should I try to become more religious or stay how I am? I really love this girl but I feel like I shouldnt have to change for her.
sulz: this is a question only you can answer. are you willing to change for her? do you think she’s worth it? would you resent her for forcing yourself to change for her? do you think you can leave her without any regrets?
it boils down to who you think is worth doing what you’d decide to do – she or yourself.
i m hindu but my boyfriend is muslim, i love him very much and we want to marry. Mymother has accepted our decision but other family members like bro and sis are against my decision. they always abuse me, always behave ill-manner with me. Ihave not told my father about my boyfriend bcoz i thought that i would say him when it will be the time to get marry which is 3 years later. Please help me how to convince my bro, sis and father?
My boyfriend claims our love can never go further then it is now because we aren’t one in the same. He clams me being a Christian is my biggest “flaw.” Although we are still young his parents are afraid of the risk of marriage. In Christadelphian, his religion, they are not to marry anyone out of their group. As a Christian I understand this but am willing to put it aside. I have tried to keep my cool when talking about the thoughts of his religious circle and parents but lately I find it hard. Never once have I asked him to choose over me or God. Actually I encourage his relationship with the Lord but as long as I’m not a Christadelphian then he has no intention on staying with me for any longer. Should I “convert” to a religion I don’t agree to just to keep the guy I’m madly in love with or should I stand up for my beliefs that say no ones perfect and you must accept them for who they are?
sulz: sounds like a question only you can answer yourself. good luck with that…
Wow. I agree. That is a hard decision. Recently, my friend has asked me this question too. She says that she has a problem with choosing her religion, or to choose the guy and convert to his religion. It’s nothing against the religion I believe. It’s just that the guy is uncomfortable with her being another religion other than his. I see that if a guy or girl can’t accept his or her lover for themselves, there’s no use wasting time for that person. Although that may be the greatest love, it’s better not to regret converting to another religion than it is regretting ever having done so. You can always find another love although it may never be as good as the one that you had, but you are more happier. If you are, that’s all there is to it. A simple solution would be if you really love that person that much, you can convert to their religion. If it doesn’t work out, and you feel wrong to believe in that religion, then you can convert back and always call it off with the person.
sulz: i don’t think religion should be treated as simply as something to do just because you’re in love with someone who is in that religion. some countries would not allow you to convert back once you have embraced a religion through marriage, such as mine. but then again, i have not been in love with someone who would want me to convert to his religion in order for us to be together so i don’t know what’s it like to be in the shoes of someone like that.
Thats funny I was talking about the exact exact same thing to my friend 2 days ago and I told her that I would change my religion for the one I love without ever regretting it. Because after all, love is all that matters. Family rules and problems and such are very common. Nothing changes when you change your religion. Your only part of a different group. Your faith, belief, and love for God are the same as before. The only good thing about this is that not only nothing changes but now you can the marry the one you love the most and live your life never regretting putting the one you love aside for such things such as religion.
PS: after all, religion today is mostly a form of culture and life style. Faith and belief in God are in every religion. And if youre a strong person it doesnt matter which religion your in.
My boyfriend is a Jewish and I am agnostic. I know that he is struggling a lot around the issue of religion, since he intends to become more Orthodox-oriented, and having me around is just further his religious pursuance. I, on the other hand, was never raised up in a religious environment (I’m Chinese and I didn’t come to the States until my early teen years), and religion is still very much an abstract concept to me. I don’t know if I would convert to Judaism so that we can get together. I feel that if I am converting for the purpose of retaining our relationship without the basis of understanding and belief of this religion itself, it would not only devalue his faith, but my morality as well. As of now I’m just downright confused as to what I can do. We are not talking about marriage at this point, but I’m pretty sure that this problem would surface in one form or another even without the possibility of marriage.
Maybe you should start to explore the religion and see if what it says fits your beliefs. You can’t change who you are and what you believe, but maybe you will find that it’s not teaching anything contrary to what you already believe. And then it’s just a matter of learning different prayers and taking on new traditions. Maybe you can introduce him to your Chinese heritage and see if he will participate in some of your traditions too? In Judaism, religion is decided by the mother, so if he wants to have a Jewish family with you, you would have to convert in order for any kids to be Jewish…
I am in this situation right now. To me, the reason I need to marry someone that is of the same religion is because it dictates the way I live and I plan on carrying out certain customs, traditions, and observing these holidays for the rest of my life. I am Jewish and my boyfriend is Christian and I never thought we would last because of our differences. But since the beginning of the relationship he has made a sincere effort to take on my customs and traditions, little by little, and participate in them with me to try to understand me better. He enjoys doing these things with me now and is willing to convert but I am worried that he is only doing it for me and will not really feel any connection to the religion itself. It would be hard going through life believing in things and being excited about holidays that your significant other doesn’t appreciate. He tells me that it’s a matter of time, that he will come to appreciate my religious traditions as his own the more he does them, because he already feels more attached in the time we’ve been dating. I would’ve thought that my dedication to my religion would’ve scared him away by now- as most of you have said it would send you running in the other direction!- but he’s extremely persistent and determined that it can and will work out. He is still very attached to Christmas, which he celebrated as a cultural, non-religious tradition from his own childhood, and wants to keep it too. Is it wrong for someone to convert to one religion while still keeping their own childhood traditions which have roots in another religion? Would this send mixed messages to children? Sadly, even deciding to convert to your significant other’s religion doesn’t solve all of the problems. Being brought up in 2 different cultures has a much greater impact. But at the same time, you also realize that, deep down, who we are and what we want in life are universal, and that you can be happy with someone and love them for who they are regardless of what religion they’ve been brought up with. In fact, I think that religions share more of the same beliefs and ideals than we realize… Would you take the risk of things not working out in the end? Would it bother you that, if it didn’t work out with the person, that the conversion might not matter to them anymore? What really is the RIGHT reason for converting a religion?
Point taken.
Forget about the differences of occupation, religion, ethnicity, etc., when a relationhip really works out, when there is a genuine connection between you and your partner(and by that i mean on all different levels including spiritual / intellectual / physical), wouldn’t it strike you as an unsuprising incidence that you two also share some of the very same fundamental values and philosophies? What is the purpose of conversion when we are already striving for and celebrating something that is universal and of which we hold dearly to our hearts?
You mentioned about the importance of religion in terms of maintaining a certain type of lifestyle, which includeds customs and traditions that most mainstream-Americans who are probably not celebrants of. I am not an expert on this topic, but I would assume that the strong insistance on religious practice is a way to retain your cultural identity and heritage, especially when the dominant culture is rather permissive.
You are a very lucky girl that your man makes an effort to integrate into your religious life. I don’t have nearly the same amount of courage as he does, especially when he actually has a religion of his own and I do not. Can I get in contact with him and ask him for some advices ? 😛
I would choose love over religion. But my now ex-boyfriend didn’t. 😦 He chose to keep everyone else happy by asking if we could just be friends instead. I love him, and never got to tell him. I think it’s just so unfair that religions segregate people when they are meant to bring us together. He’s a baptist and I’m not part of any religion. But he says he doesn’t like me anymore even though when I’m around him it doesn’t feel like that… I just miss him, so much, But he doesn’t miss me. We can never have a future together according to him. 😥 Please tell me any advice you have for me, or for him even, it’d be greatly appreciated. I don’t want to move on from him, but I’m not really given a choice here…
My ex bf is muslim nd I’m christian,we had dated for 11months,and he called off the relationship becoz he wanted to make everyone happy,i.e his mom who would never appove of us being together, he didn’t have a prob with us having diff religions nd never told me to convert,I have muslims friends nd they always teach me bout their religions nd I even celebrate their holidays with them. Bt my prob is,how do I convince my bf religion dnt matter,he truly loves me nd I love him too,convincing his mom would be like telling a scientist to see a psychic,totally impossible! I dnt wanna lose him, nd I love him a lot! I can’t marry him without her blessings nd he doesn’t wanna be with him any longer if he can’t marry me at the end. Plz help
My ex bf is muslim nd I’m catholic,we had dated for 11months,and he called off the relationship becoz he wanted to make everyone happy,i.e his mom who would never appove of us being together, he didn’t have a prob with us having diff religions nd never told me to convert,I have muslims friends nd they always teach me bout their religions nd I even celebrate their holidays with them. Bt my prob is,how do I convince my bf religion dnt matter,he truly loves me nd I love him too,convincing his mom would be like telling a scientist to see a psychic,totally impossible! I dnt wanna lose him, nd I love him a lot! I can’t marry him without her blessings nd he doesn’t wanna be with him any longer if he can’t marry me at the end. Plz help! 😥
2000 and 11, first comment of this year. Ok, here we go…
I believe in Christ. I believe in God. And God’s number one rule is to LOVE one another as thy love thyself. He didn’t say love Christians, or Muslims, or Sikhs, or Hindus, or Buddhists, or Jains…He simply asked of us to love one another, everyone of us. We ALL are God’s children.
Now, to answer your question. I don’t think, first of all, that the one I love would ask to me change my religion. Love has no conditions. As philosophical and cliched as it may sound but it is true. True love will let me be me. And I would accept my partner the way he is. Otherwise, that would be hypocrisy to ask of my partner to change his religion.
I believe there is no greater religion than love. And Christ taught me to love, I am true and faithful to Him cause he taught well. My understanding of love could be a little skewed, or my description is not accurate, but I think I know what God’s wants from all us and it is very simple. Only humans have the tendency to complicate things.
If I find a guy who is like “the one” for me, and we think the same way, regardless of our religion, I think I would choose to look over our differences in faith and live happily ever after.
I am currently dating a Muslim woman who would indeed marry me, if I converted. I wouldn’t have to follow the religion or change my lifestyle, just so that her parents would be happy. She herself is slightly religious she seldom prays and reads bits of the Qu’ran.
Myself, I am a non-practicing Christian, I believe in evolution, I also believe it is likely the entire human race is a biological miracle/accident and religions are just another way of justifying our existence on this rock. As Humans we believe that we are special and that’s ok because we are. We are all clearly aware of our feelings which in some context set us aside from other animals, yet we are still animals. So I guess religions are a way to justify that.
Love on the other hand is a basic human emotion that is part of how we find companionship which is a basic human trait, to pair up and mate and love compels us to do it. Much like religion we can’t see it, we feel it. So I guess you could argue that both are an invisible faith? Ok thats a question for another day!
But really it’s not about any of these things… It’s about culture and lifestyle.
I love the girl I am with so much I would die for her… But, no I cannot convert for love. Even though she cannot see it and I ignore it, she belongs to a faith that is alien to my christian agnostic outlook.
One thing is for sure… I will love her for the rest of my life.
I find this question so complicated. I recently wrote a post on it: http://tannideb.wordpress.com/2011/09/12/choosing-religion-faith-beliefs-over-love/
Love it if you’d check it out. Thanks!
Sorry, this is the correct URL: http://tannideb.wordpress.com/2011/09/11/choosing-religion-faith-beliefs-over-love/
Thanks!
I would choose religion over love. And I have already done this. I am Muslim and I fell in love but I knew I couldn’t be with him as he wasn’t Muslim himself. But I but wasn’t willing to against my religion and so I stopped talking to him. I don’t wanna burn in hell for eternity just for a few years with him 🙂
if hell exist i’d rather think we’ll burn there when we choose some books and words among real people with heart that we go on breaking so easily! your muslim book won’t cry for this choice…but his heart will be broken and he’ll cry tears on tears! but if you can do it so easily, then it’s fine! good for him cause I believe you didn’t love him for real
I’m christian and the boy that loves me is muslim, he really wants to be with me and he even offerd me to conver into christian for me, but I cant let him do that. I would never change my religion, so I dont want to let him do that if he doesn’t believe in Jesus..I love Jesus more than anyone, so I decided to let him go although I think a lot for him 😦
truly said..
In my quest of searchin for a solution to my problem, i came across dis discussion. After 5yrs of breakin up wit my 1st love. I found d man of my dream. But his a muslim while am 4rm a christain background. We love each other but religion difference won’t allow d love last long. I can’t practice the religion i dont believe in and he can’t also. It is a hard decision but ve made up my mind 2 let go of him. Surely love ll find me again. But i wonder y religion shd b a barrier???
Been there. I am not religious and she is Morman. It wasn’t a matter of me converting (which I did), it was her needing the religion to be important to me (which it wasn’t and never would be). In the end we separated even though we still love each other.
I dated a strict Christian for a year (I’m an atheist.) He was my first love. The entire relationship, though there were many happy moments, ended up bringing us both pain. I often thought he didn’t accept my beliefs, yet would not attend his Pentecostal church myself. We both made stubborn mistakes and ended up breaking up instead of compromising. I still love him, but wouldn’t do it over again.
Since I’m a religious Muslim guy I would never ever compromise my religion for any one or anything, UNLESS I was proven wrong, then I would listen and listen carefully. Since, I’m an open minded person, so putting myself in my imaginary beloved’s shoes, I would understand that she wouldn’t compromise her religion for me UNLESS she is not religious, OR, if she is willing to listen, compare, and evaluate the two religions (her’s and mine). In short, Religion is the most important thing in life that’s why I’m willing to convert if I found a better religion. And if I fell in love, I would wish her the best thing in life; my religion or her’s if it’s better than mine.
8 is really hard 4 me 2 dcyd wether love or religion bcoz we r n a sitwation dat i have no choice at all..we have 1 baby and 8s hard 4 me 2 let go him and back n my religion dat he dont want 2 convert with!wat shud i do???
I’VE BEEN THROUGHT THIS PATH BEFORE, SO I HAD TO CHANGE MY RELIGION. TO DO THAT I WASN’T PUT MYSELF WHERE I WAS GOING TO DO IT FOR HIM BUT I LOOKED AT IT THAT THERE IS ONLY ONE GOD, DO IT WON’T CHANGE MY FAITH.
The way I see it after reading most of these posts, If you believe in religion then you do not believe in love. Love is a feeling that comes natural, Its real. Religion is not a feeling, Its believing in something because someone told us to. Our heart is what makes us love. I believe in love. Love is stronger than anything. Someone stated they love Jesus more than anything. You don’t know what love is. Love is what is supposed to hold people together. I know Christians who are miserable and together because that’s what the Bible says they have to do. If so, then “God” is heartless himself wanting someone to live miserably “because I said so”. Religion is for people who are to weak to control their own mind or heart. If anyone puts religion over love, than there was no love at all. I’m Atheist and would not change for anybody. I believe in love and follow my heart. As getting to know and listen to my Christian Mennonite friends, they have turned me from a non believer, into hating religion and being against it. We live once, I’m living my life here to the fullest. Religion makes u believe u have to have a life of living up to “ones” standards and to pass up on all the great things in life, so you can have an afterlife. Come on, live for today, we live once. There’s nothing after. When you die, you’re gone. There is no proof besides a fictitious book that tells you so. Love with you heart, not your mind. If anything changes your mind, than it was never love.
I completely agree with everything you have said! When we were born, we were born a blank slate, yet we are made to believe and follow all of these rules through no choice of our own.
Each religion has good underlying morals and values to follow, but we should not have to forbid one another to love each other, just because we are not of the same religion.
I am Sikh and my boyfriend of 3 years is Muslim. I come from a very strict, cultural background which I have grown to hate. I do not agree with how my family have told me to live my life – meaning I can only marry someone who is from my same religion. But I believe you don’t love someone based on their religion, you base it on who the person is.
I can’t be told what to do any longer, and I do plan on telling my family but it is so difficult to even know where to begin. I wish they were as openminded as myself and would understand, but I honestly have no clue how it will go down.
I would never convert and I would never ask my partner to convert because that would be asking him to change in order to marry him. I want to marry him for exactly who he is and I want him to marry me for exactly who I am.
I have been reading all of these comments for the last few days and hate that religion has become perhaps one of the biggest barriers to love, when religion should be condoning love.
I am so scared of telling my family and I have no idea how they will react, but I can’t sit back and let them decide how I live my life.
If anyone has any advice for me I would greatly appreciate it!
judaism is also a nice religion just like christianity. my grand dad is also a jewish.”
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judaism is also a nice religion just like christianity. my grand dad is also a jewish.^
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i want to say a very big thanks and appreciation to Dr.Ishvara for bringing back my husband who left i and the kids for almost two months. i am very much grateful to Dr.Ishvara. I pray God almighty give you the strength and wisdom to help more people having similar problem like mine. for help you can reach him on his email address: ishvaratemple@yahoo.com
i have girlfriend…shes a muslim.im christian..we starting as a friend.very close one.then no one ask,no one purpose,we fall in love with each other.
we sacrifice everything for our happiness.we care so much for each other.but had a problem when we reach on married side.my relative didnt bless our relation.no one knows how stuck i am.dilemma…please help me
I think it really just depends on the person. If you really honestly love someone enough to change your faith, I think you could do it. But that kind of love is rare and almost impossible.
But me as an individual, I couldn’t do it. I would still love him but I’d want him to convert to my religion because I have a trait of selfishness that I can’t contain. I suppose that’s one of my major flaws.
I made the decision to give up the relationship because I was afraid of converting to islam and afraid of my new family’s expectations as a Muslim. There’s never a day I go without regretting it, without hating this situation for making me choose, for having friendswho can’t relate.. please if anyone can give me some advice on whether I did the right thing, or anything supportive would be very grateful right now…
In this situation right now. She’s a Christian Iam not( anything)!
Been reading many comments and still don’t know what to do. Help!
Oo, hindi naman porket nag palit ka na ng relihiyon e, hindi mo na pananatilihin ang pagsamba mo sa dyos. 😉
I would choose love, i believe that it is not wrong to love because it doesn’t mean that my faith is not strong, i believe that everyone serves the same god, we just have different ways of expressing it which is why i know that even if i choose love, i could still live a very religious life and have a strong faith in god while spending time with my lifetime partner
Leaving one thing you do love (your love or religion)is a heavy feeling. Yes we have the choice but I think that’s more sadder because you have a choice. My girlfriend and I are now 5years in relationship how did I held that relationship I really don’t know cause we just enjoy the company of each other.real question comes if I will convert or not.certainly I will not its not that I don’t love my girlfriend but I don’t hate my religion either. No convertion n o marriage seems unfair but a reality I cannot accept
would you fight over your religion? least you forget that we should follow the rules of god lord also
i am looking far live
i am finded far life patner
Omg! This is just my situation and I’m so helpless and confused! I just can’t do anything about it.
I would like to share one incident of my life I have gone through this situation I am pure hindu I love my religion I started falling in love with a boy who was hindu and later he converted himself into muslim yes its really shocking…When I get to know this I was very hurt it was a very big dilemma for me we both loved each other so much I was not able to end the relationship with him more days paased he started controlling me and forced me to covert into muslim but it was so difficult for me as I trust my god nd I cant live without worshiping my hindu god I tried to make him understand that GOD IS ONE GOD IS NOT ONLY HINDU MUSLIM CHRISTIAN etc they all are one They just have different names in different religion but my lover never listened to me I think it was a love trap which I have faced and then he left me without telling me any reason He blocked me and I still begged him to come back bt he ignored me I still love him I choose my religion and never convert into muslim I respect muslim religion bt that doesnt mean that I will start following that religion I was hurt bt I am happy that God is always with me to love me, help me if any obstacle come to me I am proud to be hindu…Yeah bt I always carry my lover in my heart He was my true love I never forget him Everything around me makes me miss him every single thing is related to him whenever I see someone playing guitar I start crying As he used to play guitar for me:( bt I have learnt a lesson from this situation I am a brave girl now
I am in this dillema now. Me and my girlfriend are expecting a little baby soon. I’ve been raised and lived my whole life as a Christian (Baptist) and me and my fiancee were supposed to get married in May. She agreed we that we both be in a mixed marriage, however with the strong influence of her devoted Catholic parents who are also faith defenders, she changed her mind and broke up with me a week ago. She and her family just wanted me to convert to Catholic but that’s just something I could never do. I tried my best to explain to her that religion shouldn’t be a barrier to the love that we share but now all hope seem lost. I believe that we should marry the one we love in the name of love and in the name of God, NOT in the name of religion. I’m still in disbelief and am saddened by the fact that the girl I was hoping having a family with soon, couldn’t actually accept my faith as an individual. I could sure use your advice guys… 😦
I’m very sorry Nathaniel 😦 My girlfriend is a Independent Baptist and wants me to convert to her religion, as I identify as a Christian, I just have lost faith in the Bible over the years. We fought last night about that she viewed that if our goals, dreams, beliefs, and perceptions weren’t alike, then we should just be friends. An entire day has gone by, me suggesting we have a week to think and find ourselves first. Now she’s planning on going to a out of state college, posting memes about falling in love with a guy from bible college, and here I am confused and shell shocked. I love her, but in my opinion a religion shouldn’t dictate who you can and can’t marry, as I said her parents are also IB’s and scorn me for not being Baptist..
Big thank you to Sorceress mama jaja, I don’t want to go into the whole long story..but bottom line is I have been doing no contact and he has emailed and phoned and I have ignored….now I know for a fact he is PISSED ..big time…he has written some things on his profile that I know were meant for me to see…what do I do??? I am panicked he will just say for get it.. I order love spell from this powerful sorceress, mamajajasorceress@yahoo.com and my boyfriend came back to me.
My best friend and I had mutual feelings for each other, so we talked to see if we would work out. When religion came up, she chose religion.
Reading these comments I can see that most are not talking from experience, so let me shed some light.
I have been in a relationship with a devout Muslim man for 8 years whilst I am a devout Christian, both of us want to marry but neither of us can until one of us converts. You’re looking at the fundamentals wrong here, it’s not just about not believing something different it’s about the belief you already hold. If you belief in your religion and you choose to join theirs, you know that not only are you surrendering what you believe is the key to the eternal welfare of your soul but also your partners & any future children you have together. How could you willingly allow somebody you loved & your future children to eternal damnation in hell? If one did not believe in anything else I don’t think it would be a big deal but when your beliefs contradict but are in the interest of one another what can you do? It is your love for each other’s souls that holds you apart, is there a cure for such a situation… 8 years & we haven’t found it.
I am in a similar predicament, I fell in love with a Muslim man and im from a sikh background, but I myself am not religious and my family is very open minded and don’t have a problem with him being Muslim. We both love each other, but he told me that he doesn’t know what to do because he believes his family will not accept me. For me I could convert considering i didn’t grow up following a religious background so to speak. But i prefer not to convert in all since i do believe in a God just not bound in a form of religion. But i know hes the one, and i can’t give that up no matter what, i have experienced many relationships before but i know this is the realest thing i have and i cannot even think about letting go of him. the question is he doesn’t want to either but he will never leave his family not that i want him to because i could never do that. Family is everything. All in all we are putting it in god hands and that where I’m at now and I’m very depressed because i do not know what to do. How do i convince his family that I’m good enough for their son, should i convert? because to me i will always choose love over religion Iv’e also was leading towards the Islam religion to be honest. if anyone still reads this form i would greatly appreciate some advice
I’ve been in this situation for four years. I have been with a Muslim lady most of the time in secret, due to her religion not allowing dating etc..
I’ve been brought up a Catholic even though now I’m very open minded about faith and don’t see any harm of being any religion, thus don’t agree or would ask anyone to change there’s. I believe to treat one as you would want to be treated in life and you can’t go far wrong.
That isn’t the view unfortunately with her religion though. It’s convert or break up in a nutshell! Which upsets me as I would choose love over religion. As if a religions rules prevents a true love then how can that be a good thing.
It’s a custom traditional thing and these people just can’t look out of the box and think if I was born in a different religion would I believe that’s the right one? I don’t think they think like that. Quite unpractical really!
I’ve been very tempted and close to converting even though I don’t agree with it. Just to be with her. Her converted to my religion has never been an option, even though I would never ask that. One sided you say??Also I have said I would give up on the chance of having children, as she does not want anymore as already has a daughter. I feel that’s enough compromise considering I have always wanted kids.
It’s a hard thought to have to walk away but I can’t pretend to be a devout Muslim and live with their lifestyles and beliefs..and the thought of me living with the beliefs and lifestyle I’ve always had (which is nothing bad) seems like it might cause issues down the line..well with her family if not her too. Advice on this would be appreciated if this chat is seen by any of you.
Thanks
C
My boyfriend is fundamentalist Christian and I am Buddhist. My faith allows for more open-ness than his. Ultimately even though we were deeply in love. We both chose to end the relationship. At first it was me, then we got back together, then it was him. I still feel that he is the one, and I was baptised Catholic ten years ago but have since converted. I still am attracted to going to church and in fact loved being with him there. I tried to be by his side the whole way but he couldn’t see a future together. That ultimately killed it. His inability to see or believe in my change, our future, and deciding to just “do what God was telling him to do.” “I can never marry you” is a hard statement to get past. It is very sad. I wish he would change his mind every day. We both cry if we happen to see each other. It is very difficult.
My boyfriend and I are going through this right now. I’m a seventh day adventist and he’s a Buddhist. Religion wasn’t in the way of our love but definitely for our future kids, if we will have some. I couldn’t picture myself or my/our future kids becoming a monk and bowing to statues. I know it’s a sign of respect and I understand and respect their religion, but In turn, just thinking about doing it and having my kid go through it I feel nothing but guilt and betrayal towards my God, for he says “thou shalt not bow down to any graven image…” I explained it to him. I love him so much I wanna give him the life he wanted. He told me he wanted to have a little monk next to him during temple studies and I love the sweetest idea. I want my kids to sing with me and pray and play piano in the church. But yeah.. Idk how it’s gunna affect the kids having both religions but I know it’s not good. We are both mature about it that it scares us both because we know it won’t work out. I’m heartbroken, so as he.
you are a believer right.?
so have faith in god and just do what he says.afterall jesus didnt just sacrificed himself for just you and me but for the whole universe so have faith in him and he will guide you the right path.
god bless you and your lover.i hope you both come up with right desicion which makes both of you and the almighty happy too.
🙂
i would not leave my religion to be with the girl i love and also i want her to do the same but the world we live in is too cruel.i wonder why people who give long speeches about relationships and truelove,forget everything when it comes to someone who is dear to them.isn’t that just ugly?
hello.. i am a hindu girl.. i love a muslim guy who is 11 years older than me. I can do anything for him. But he doesn’t want to hurt his family members.His family has chosen a girl and they want him to marry her… i can ‘t live without him and he doesn’t wants to go against his parents decission.. what shall i do? Please help me 😥 Please help me.
hello.. i am a hindu girl.. i love a muslim guy who is 11 years older than me. I can do anything for him. But he doesn’t want to hurt his family members. but his family has chosen a girl and they want him to marry her… i can ‘t live without him and he doesn’t wants to go against his parents decission.. what shall i do?
Friends…. please help me. 😥
I have a crush, I’m in love with her 3 months ago, she knew that i love her, but the problem she’s Jehovah then I’m completely Christian, I feel that she likes me too..
What can I do? I can continue to woo her and convert soon or I choose to stop it? Please help me…
When we were born, we were born a blank slate, yet we are made to believe and follow all of these rules through no choice of our own.
Each religion has good underlying morals and values to follow, but we should not have to forbid one another to love each other, just because we are not of the same religion.
I am Sikh and my boyfriend of 3 years is Muslim. I come from a very strict, cultural background which I have grown to hate. I do not agree with how my family have told me to live my life – meaning I can only marry someone who is from my same religion. But I believe you don’t love someone based on their religion, you base it on who the person is.
I can’t be told what to do any longer, and I do plan on telling my family but it is so difficult to even know where to begin. I wish they were as openminded as myself and would understand, but I honestly have no clue how it will go down.
I would never convert and I would never ask my partner to convert because that would be asking him to change in order to marry him. I want to marry him for exactly who he is and I want him to marry me for exactly who I am.
I have been reading all of these comments for the last few days and hate that religion has become perhaps one of the biggest barriers to love, when religion should be condoning love.
I am so scared of telling my family and I have no idea how they will react, but I can’t sit back and let them decide how I live my life.
If anyone has had a mixed marriage and it has worked out, please let me know.