blogging gobbledygook and such

You can probably tell that sulz here is her biggest critic. She judges herself quite harshly when she doesn’t achieves what she expects to. Sometimes she moans about it here, then her ever loyal readers and friends would leave such wonderful, encouraging comments. They’d tell her that just because she didn’t get into the Dean’s list, it does not make her stupid. Just because she has whackos for lecturers sometimes, it doesn’t mean that she’s got an attitude problem.

Okay, she gets it, truly she does. One bad thing doesn’t make her a total failure. Two bad things doesn’t make her a total failure. Hell, ten thousand bad things doesn’t make her a total failure because she has ten thousand other good things in her if we search hard enough.

Yet, we don’t apply that same standard when sulz does achieve something. We wax lyrical of her. We make such a big deal out of that success that it seems to be her worth as a person. Bad things doesn’t make you stupid, but good things proves you are smart!

Please don’t misunderstand her here. She is not in any way undermining her friends’ and readers’ sincere happiness for what she has achieved in the past. Let it be said that all encouraging comments here by you truly adds points to her self-esteem, if you could measure self-esteem that way. Her point is that… doesn’t it seem that we have two different standards for failure and success here? That if sulz is successful, it is solely due to her effort, and that if she failed, it doesn’t prove anything of her character or performance or intelligence. That it wasn’t necessarily her fault.

(Ah, who is she to say that?! She uses that same double standards with her own friends too!)

Sometimes do wonder… if sulz’s success and failures in life were solely of her doing or were they achieved (or failed) with a combination of luck (or lack of) or fortuitous circumstances.

Perhaps a bit of both.

Comments on: "Are you measured by your success or failures?" (11)

  1. You know you make such killer observations sometimes that I don’t have anything to say about it. But yes, we do have a different way of dealing with success and failure but I think that’s only because we need to have a positive outlook in life. When you fail at something, you can get sad and demoralized and that’s something that shouldn’t be happening. When you succeed and are applauded, you feel good about yourself and that’s how you go ahead. It’s just different ways of doing the same thing – motivating yourself to go ahead and keep working.

    sulz: goodness, killer observations… doesn’t sound very much like self! as usual, self’s most grateful thanks for your compliment!

    definitely we need to be positive about life… but sometimes wonder if it would be better to give credit and blame where they are due. would that make you a more grounded, responsible, aware person?

    on the other hand, sometimes circumstances does play a part in failure, so it would be wrong to totally blame oneself… but we forget when we do achieve something, circumstance most likely played its part too. 😉

  2. Pretty much everyone uses that double standard. I think it’s part of life and the instinct of blaming circumstances for failures.

    sulz: do you think that’s fine? as ish pointed out, we need to be positive in life, and this double standard does focus more on the positive than the negative. do you risk giving yourself a false sense of self-awareness though? that sometimes we do not search inside ourselves to see what part of us contributed to something that went wrong…

    this double standard, at its worst case scenario we would have someone who blames everybody but himself for his failutres. as for the standard which gives credit and blame where they are due, its worst case scenario could be having somene who blames himself entirely for his mistakes!

    haha, don’t know which is worse, really.

  3. I think it’s part of society, part of what is accepteable.

    And yeah, life is hard enough, you don’t really need any more to bring you down!

    sulz: positivity it is then. 🙂

  4. Ahhhh, Sulz, girlfriend, you do have deep observations rolling around in that head of yours. Here is my opinion, since you have asked. You are responsible for all successes, because you are drawing to you resources and people who will help you achieve them. You have no failures, just learning experiences. I don’t believe we fail at things. That’s a cultural myth. Somewhere along life’s path, something that seemed to be a failure at the time will turn out to have had unexpected benefits.
    I think we to often try to “control” rather than “allow” our destiny. That’s why things seem like failures when they’re really nudges in a new direction.
    So, therefore, there is no double standard, because it’s all good!

    sulz: haha, never quite saw self as deep!

    wow, that’s really a better way to look at things… talk about focusing on the positive! :mrgreen: will try to adopt your persuasive perspective!

  5. funny you posted this . i cried once because i failed at something and somebody else “made it” instead. i thought i was as talented as her, if not more. 😦
    later i remembered to have the grace to keep on doing what i believe in, despite no or late recognitions. and then in a short while, i was selected to instruct newbies in that field! and my perception of myself changed like immediately. i hate to admit that public opinion has such a major influence on me, but it does!

    i’ve been asking a question: how do people define success? are you more successful if you have more money but don’t enjoy your job? cos, hell, if you don’t get to do what you enjoy, you are not too successful, are you? i mean, to yourself deep down inside?

    but then if you do what you enjoy, but it’s something that’s not commercially viable, then you don’t get to be upwardly mobile etc.

    i know my thoughts don’t quite answer your question, but um, i just wanted to share them!

    sulz: personally, feel satisfied with what have accomplished. but when am comparing self to another person, it feels so insignificant suddenly… ;(

    society defines success in a way that what you personally feel is successful enough may not be perceived so by them! so maybe to be satisfied overall one must find a balance of personal and societal success?

    hey, sharing is caring! 😛

  6. It’s definitely a double standard, but I’m not sure it’s one that’s totally incorrect either. Society says we don’t like to dwell on our failures because we can’t learn as much from then, while celebrating our success bolsters our self-esteem and makes us more likely to succeed again. Well, I don’t necessarily agree with that… I think making a mistake is good because we can learn from it and not make the same mistake again; it strengthens us. And celebrating our successes too much can inflate our ego and we might make more mistakes.

    But looking at it another way, I think it’s much harder to do the right thing, or make a good decision, than it is to make a mistake or a bad decision. It’s not so true in failing a test or something like that, but in living life I think sometimes you have to back yourself when everything else is against you. Sometimes you fail, but other times you succeed – and I think those are the more important times to remember, because they’re so much harder to achieve. If you think about everything that can go wrong, it’s not so strange that we’d want to celebrate what goes right, is it? 😉

    Nice post, btw! Just to give you some more reinforcement. 😛

    sulz: hmm, true, true. as a student of life though, am kind of a poor one because keep repeating the same mistakes sometimes – especially in the romantic department! 😉 but then again, not many are successful here too.

    thank you, thank you! heh. 😀

  7. ok,
    according to you, you are not deep and you are fat. does it matter?

    what’s deep anyway? how can you measure it? i think one of the evils of modern society is that we are prone to judge ourselves too much. but let’s stop measuring ourselves and just live instead……..sigh, if only we could do that! 😉

    sulz: depends on what time of the day you asked self that. 😛

    yes, it’s easier said than done… but am trying, really am. 😦

  8. An interesting, philosophical post. I personally would say that you should always feel happy about your successes, rather than dwelling on your failures.

    I would say that. Then I go and do the exact opposite where myself is concerned! 😉 I think we’re all guilty of that.

    I think we all owe a lot to luck, but we shouldn’t forget that our own actions can determine whether we succeed or fail at something. I think you sum it upvery well – it’s “a bit of both”.

    sulz: thank you for the compliment. 🙂 haha, exactly! so when we do succeed or not succeed in something, remember that it’s never entirely of our own effort… then again, wasn’t it the choices that we made that led to the outcome, right?

    okay, am a little muddled now… too philosophical, haha! :mrgreen:

  9. Nice post Sulz! 🙂

    “No man gets blinded while looking on the brighter side.”

    I always discipline myself to stay positive. And I stop believing in failures. Sometimes you win sometimes you learn; No matter how you look it, it’s a win win situation.

    It’s just a matter of how you “choose” to look at things. As for me, I chose to learn from my down moments. 🙂

    cheers!

    sulz: wow, great quote there! also good attitude that you have; will try to see things that way more.

  10. Success/failure is all a learning experience.

    sulz: but well, success is a nicer learning experience in that sense. 😛

  11. Success may feel good but learning how to succeed after your failures leaves a much sweeter taste in your life.

    sulz: so far, haven’t experienced that feeling… but am young, and there’s more life in self yet! 🙂

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