We’ve all done this at least once, falling for the wrong person. Am thinking again, though. What does it mean to fall for the wrong person? Does it mean that the person wasn’t right for us? What makes a person right or wrong for us?
Falling for the wrong person could mean falling for your professor when you are his student. Falling for the wrong person could mean being infatuated with a 18-year-old friend when you are 32 years old. Falling for the wrong person could mean being in love with a person, only for that person to leave you 3 years later. Falling for the wrong person could mean being attracted to a person with a notorious reputation for changing partners like he or she changes clothes.
Why are those the wrong people to fall for? Because as a student, it’s not right by the rules of the school to fall for your professor? Because as a 32-year-old, the society does not approve of you if you were to date someone 14 years younger? Because as someone who’s looking for a person to spend the rest of your life with, that person was the wrong one because he or she left you in the end? Because as someone who should know better, falling for someone who would most likely leave you in the end, so he or she is clearly wrong for you?
How sure are you that this person is not the right person? Who’s to say a professor is the wrong person to date, just because you’re a student? Forget the rules, think about the possibility. Who’s to say that a 14 year gap makes a bad relationship between two people? If the person you have been with for 3 years suddenly becomes ‘wrong’ because he or she left you, why were you with that person in the first place? Because there was that possibility that he or she could be the ‘right’ one, isn’t it? Who’s to say the notorious playboy or playgirl would not be a changed person after dating you? Unlikely, but the possibility is there, yes?
The point (think) am making is that we cannot know for sure if someone is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ based on their age, race, reputation, or personality. How can opposites attract then? How can some people find life partners with so much in common then?
Another point am making is that circumstances determine the outcome of a relationship, or the possibility of it. Someone you see yourself spending the rest of your life with at the moment, may not be how you feel the next day or year due to the circumstances. If a couple goes through many obstacles in their relationship and they are still together, it proves that they are committed enough to each other to withstand whatever comes their way; that is the outcome of the circumstances. If a couple breaks up after many disagreements, it proves that one or both are not committed enough to continue the relationship, due to a change in feelings or circumstances; that is the outcome.
Guess am saying there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ person. There is no The One. There’s just mutual commitment between two people who are determined to work at their relationship, no matter how ‘wrong’ or ‘mismatched’ they may seem to themselves or other people.
So don’t dismiss someone based on your stereotyped impression, prejudices, fears, whatever. Everyone is different, even if they may have similar traits. Anyone and everyone has the potential to be the… ‘right’ one – it’s the circumstances that helps you determine it. It’s like trying on clothes. You’re a size M in one store, but a size S or L in another store. You just have to try.
you would get it right. No – hopefully, circumstances will lead you to a fruitful relationship with someone.
Am still muddled and am not sure if have presented self’s points clearly. (Am not sure if am making sense here, either. Have thought so much about this post until got a headache!) Feel free to discuss or point out any flaws in the argument!
p.s. This argument am making is in the event that there is mutual attraction.
p.p.s. This article explains well about the importance of timing in a relationship.