Have you ever revealed something you consider important to a good friend, only to get a reaction (or lack of) that you don’t expect, given the importance of that piece of information is to yourself?
That is one of the reasons that has drawn self to personal blogging. While not everything here is considered so incredibly important that it has to garner a mandatory comment from anyone, and not everything that is considered important to self is said here, it helps somewhat to be able to release some mental activity here, even if nobody leaves a comment. It’s like telling your teddy bear secrets when you were a kid. You don’t expect it to talk back to you, but you would expect a friend to have some sort of reaction should you choose to share it.
Have always felt that self’s reticence is the barrier that stops self from feeling really close to friends. While do cherish them very much, they are not people who self would immediately run to if am facing personal problems. Would rather mull them over alone or release them through blogging. The reason for the barrier is that lack of reaction was talking about just now. It feels as if they are not really interested in hearing self’s woes. That feeling seems to be further confirmed when after revealing that part of self to them, they never bothered to ask self if things are getting better.
You wouldn’t really need an invitation to pour your heart out to a close friend, but at the same time, it feels nicer when you know your friend is personally invested in you. She wants to know how are things going on with you not because you happen to mention it the other day, but because she wants to know for herself if you’re okay.
Because that is how self am when you choose to confide in self. Will listen to you, will sympathise, will try to empathise, will advise, will emotionally invest in your problems, and will make it self’s concern that you are okay the next day. Because you mean that much to self.
So that’s why when people ask how are you? to self, would give the vague, meaningless answer that is to be expected from phatic communion.