blogging gobbledygook and such

There is talk of marriage in the house. Some people want to get married. Other people do not want some people to get married. So soon, at least. Among the questions thrown into this issue by several people are:

1. Does the future son/daughter-in-law make you feel proud for entering the family?
2. What has he/she to offer as a spouse to your child?
3. Are they financially capable to get married?

The third question was one of the main reasons the impending marriage was objected by other people. They are currently engaged, and planned to get married in a few months’ time because it is considered an auspicious time to get married – Chinese beliefs and all that.

That’s a fair reason. While marriages can work without a strong financial background, it would make life much easier if you do.

The second question isn’t really directed at the couple in mind, but just a question thrown into the discussion about them. It got me thinking, though. I’d like to get married if I find the right guy. But do I have anything to offer?

I can’t cook. I’m quite lousy at ironing. While I love babies, sometimes I can’t help but spank them. I’m extremely moody at times. I’m not very presentable; you can take me to your company’s annual picnic, but not your dinner gala. I’m not very sociable either; my conversation skills are atrocious outside of the blog.

The first question also hit me at home. What it meant to the people who uttered the question during the discussion was that, is the girl/guy presentable enough to be presented as your daughter/son-in-law during the wedding reception?

Am I too fat for my future parents-in-law? Am I presentable enough because I don’t want to wear make-up? Would my future parents-in-law feel ashamed of the way I look? Would my own family think I’m “too fat” to be presented as a bride?? (As a matter of fact, they do think I’m fat already.)

I thought marriage is a union between two people. It’s more than that. You’re not just creating your own family. You’re joining another family. And you have to meet their expectations as a spouse for their child. If you don’t, you won’t be accepted into the family.

I don’t think I want to get married. 😦

Comments on: "A Single Life Looks More Attractive From This Point of View" (18)

  1. Sulz, I think you should be thinking about your marriage after you’re at least committed to a guy whom you like to marry! And then take it from there…Nobody’s perfect. πŸ™‚

    sulz: haha, counting my chickens before my eggs hatched, eh? πŸ˜‰

  2. Well with regards to the questions that were thrown, here’s what I think:

    1) if the son/daughter in law is not doing drugs, not a prostitute, not breaking the law and is a decent person, there’s no reason not to accept the person.

    2) if the couple is happy with each other, obviously that’s enough to say that what they can offer to each other is sufficient for them to want to get married.

    3) finance will always be an issue to any couple whether married or otherwise so this should not be an issue of objecting the marriage unless you’re talking about both not having even RM 100 / 200 of savings a month or can’t cope with staying together.

    Indeed marriage is about joining two families together but somehow this tends to get overrated by both parties, both wanting to have things their own way, their pride especially comes to play instead.

    sulz: thanks for your perspective.

  3. If you say you can’t cook, can you read? πŸ˜‰
    Seriously, cooking and baking are a matter of following directions properly and perhaps a little trial and error thrown in once you get good at it. I never thought I could bake bread until only this past year. Now they all look forward to the results – me too!

    BTW… ironing sucks. Isn’t there a tradition of domestic help in KL?

    sulz: haha, of course i can read. there’s very few i do daily that doesn’t involve some form of reading. when i give a hand at cooking, i shall see if what you say applies to me. πŸ˜›

    yeah, i don’t really like ironing too, can never get it as good as the laundry! yes, many people have maids in malaysia, but i don’t fancy the thought of a stranger living with me.

  4. Holy Cow!! I don’t visit the blog for a few days and I come back and here ya are belittling yourself again. 😯 You are better than that! And it sounds like anonymous gave you some solid advice. If being poor was a reason not to get married and have a family, most of the world would be SOL! It is a fantasy started by the rich to keep the poor in their place. Money problems are always a part of living, even for the more wealthy. My parents were both dirt poor when they got married. They were never wealthy but they loved and raised three kids of their own and were involved in the same with many times that amount, some relatives some kids that just attached themselves to our family. Money comes and goes and waiting until you feel financially stable is just like waiting for tomorrow, neither will ever get here.

    sulz: i don’t mean it like that lah! 😦 seems like getting married is a whole lot of hassle… i guess if you met the right person, it won’t seem like that then!

    anonymous sounds like someone i know who knows.

    i’m not saying that you have to be rich to get married, but i think that managing your finances before you do can help towards the marriage. it doesn’t mean that you won’t have money troubles, of course. if you prepare yourself financially before getting married, you might be able to manage your finance easier after that.

  5. πŸ™‚ Life in general can be a hassle. It is a lot like looking at a glass of water and deciding whether it is half empty or half full. I do not disagree with managing finances, but it is a lifetime commitment. Sigh, even if I ever win the lottery, I know I will mutter and worry about having enough money.

    sulz: well, i did say it won’t be if you have the right person in mind already. πŸ˜‰ if i could be so lucky to win the lottery, i can promise to not mutter and worry about not having enough money. honest! πŸ˜›

  6. lovelyloey said:

    If a future MIL/FIL ever utters a sound complaining I’m too fat, screw them narrow-minded shallow freaks. If they can’t respect me as a person, what more as a daughter-in-law? That’s why I always feel marriage is like a tricky multi-clause business contract, where there’s more than love to consider. If the spouse ain’t sure that his love for me isn’t greater than his need for “face” at his D&D etc, then perhaps it’s far easier to remain boyfriend-girlfriend.
    (But then again you’re talking to someone who doesn’t believe in marriages and long-term relationships. LOL)

    sulz: well, shallow as they are or may be, they have their reasons. what’s d&d?

    but yes, i don’t think love is enough for a marriage; there’s lots more to consider. but love does make it easier and pleasurable. πŸ˜›

  7. Wow! If your (theoretical) fiance has no problem with your weight, etc, should it be a concern for his or your family?

    Is he “proud” to have you in his life? That’s what really counts. The rest may be obstacles, but not insurmountable.

    Finances are always a concern. The more money you have, the more in concerns you. Sometimes the lack of money is the least of your problems.

    But more than anything else, would it matter if your MIL doesn’t love you? (mine doesn’t, but my husband does).

    Live your life the best you can, the rest (external) is just noise.

    sulz: haha, i’m not talking about myself. i don’t have a boyfriend, for a start. πŸ˜‰

    that said, i guess you’re right. it would be stupid to let external things stop you when you’re the one who would live with the decision you make.

  8. lovelyloey said:

    D&D = Dinner and Dance. Big companies have it annually as kinda like a get-together session to show off dresses and make speeches at posh hotel restaurants.

    Well, as I always say, there can still be love without a marriage. That’s good enough, pure love without the hassle and baggage of an extended family.

    sulz: ohh, i see. wah lau weh, you were found in my akismet spam box! i think someone doesn’t like your feministic-tinged comment. πŸ˜› (just joking lah. but strange, first time you’re in my spam.)

  9. sulz, sulz, sulz, sulz, sulz! Haven’t we been down this road? Obviously you are much too fat to get married, and, you say you don’t like to IRON??? How could you even consider marrying, then? πŸ˜•
    If being “presentable” is a huge issue for you or the people you are writing about, all you need to do is redefine the word “presentable”. See? All done. Case closed. πŸ˜‰
    That said, I think that each individual within or without a marriage would do well to have their finances in order. I don’t think marriage changes the need to be financially responsible–you either are or you’re not. The discussion about who will pay for what and who will care for any children and how is important, though.
    It is a wonderful thing to get along with ones inlaws. But, I would ask myself it they’re reasonable people.
    Bottom line: If there is anyone who thinks you are unworthy for whatever reason, just tell them you have friends from all over the WORLD who will gleefully prove them wrong. And, leave the babies alone!

    sulz: hahaha! it sounds stupid when you say it like that, but when your future parents-in-law has a thing for superficiality… good point about finances. okay, i’ll tell my future parents-in-law that if they bully me they have to answer to them friends from all over the world. :mrgreen:

    haha, but i like babies! they have such pinchable legs. πŸ˜›

  10. Hmm it seems like sulz is thinking of certain SPECIFIC parents in law…

    Anyone “specific” in mind? huh?

    sulz: haha, no, no! how could i when i don’t have a guy in my life? 😦

  11. I agree with you on the financial point, because sometimes the relationships that have the potential fail because the partners keep fighting over the finances and how it’s getting difficult to manage so yeah, one should think about that before getting committed so that the relationship can be sustained. Broken relations only hurt later, y’know.

    On the other two points, I totally disagree. I don’t understand why you refuse to look at your positive points and that you’re the only fat (as you like to call it) person in the whole wide world. This is getting personal but hey, my mother is short and fat too, doesn’t mean she’s not presentable. And she’s always been like that but she’s able to impress people with her knowledge and her intelligence and I’m pretty sure so will you. And cooking etc is such a non issue, you can always learn it when you give it priority. It’s not like some people are born to not cook. They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach but that doesn’t mean you have to fill the stomach with the food you’ve cooked so chill. It doesn’t matter. And again, you’re looking at presentable from your point of view. Somebody else may think you’re beautiful. Man is never satisfied with what he has. If you were slim, you would want to be slimmer and if you were that, you’d probably wanna disappear. There’s no limit to that thing.

    Agreed it’s not only between you and your partners and parents are involved but you need to know that they are human beings too and that they have been in such a situation. If though they are being illogical, you can always run away from home. And if their son is supporting them, then you probably know it isn’t worth it and it’s time to move on. Before you move on though, make sure you make the guy and the parents realize that their son is no Tom Cruise who deserves a Nicole Kidman or a Katie Holmes. And as an after point, not everybody needs to wear make up to look pretty and you can always look presentable.

    Here’s a deal, if you don’t find a guy by the time you’re 60, I’ll marry you. Okay? I can’t say anything more than that now. πŸ˜›

    sulz: it’s not that i’m the only fat person in the world… it just seems like all brides are not fat on their wedding day. i have honestly never attended a wedding with a fat bride. but i agree, when i was ‘slimmer’ than i am now, i still thought i was fat! haha.

    yeah, and help you practise polygamy? you wish! πŸ˜‰

  12. Women spend a lot of money and time looking good on their wedding day cause well, it’s the wedding day! So they wear all these tight clothes and jog and work out so that they can look fantabolous on that one day. You can do that too, it’s all relative.

    And gee, that was meant as a nice thing. You totally destroyed my intent by bringing the polygamy angle in. Now I’m not gonna marry you even if you beg me! 😐

    sulz: i don’t know… i feel like it’s not right to make myself do that just ‘cos it’s my wedding day.

    hahaha, just joking lah dear. don’t be mad! πŸ˜€ how nice to get a marriage proposal 38 years before time, hah!

  13. who cares if you can’t cook? I used to cook for myself all the time and would have no problem doing so if Amy didn’t pride herself in cooking, but if she didn’t that wouldn’t matter one bit.

    As far as being presentable, who cares about that either?

    When looking for a wife, you need to find a “person” (as opposed to a “look”) that you enjoy, a soulmate, and a friend, not some trophy that you show off at work galas or force to cook and clean for you.

    I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s fun to role play a bit with the trophy thing, but…..ooops, there I go speaking out loud again. πŸ™‚

    sulz: i don’t know, i just have this impression that my lacking in the domestic department may crop up some issues. maybe he won’t like the way i leave the house in quite a mess because i doesn’t bother me yet; maybe he wishes he could enjoy homecooked meals after a long, hard day at work; maybe he wants someone he could be admired for by his friends, to have someone people can see why he’s proud of.

    okay lah, if i ever find that one guy, i’ll direct him to this post and all the comments. :mrgreen:

  14. To many people think “What’s love got to do with it?”

    They should be thinking “Love has everything to do with it!”

    Happy blogging!

    sulz: i guess in a way, if you really cherish the love, you can go through whatever obstacles you face together. that’s true… πŸ™‚

  15. Sulz-
    to be honest with ya?
    It has nothing to do with the above questions.
    It has to do with love. period.
    Either you do, or you don’t.
    Family and outside opinions mean nothing.
    If I listened to the outside chatter, I never would have gotten married.
    (and if I hadn’t got married, I wouldn’t be here . . . for many reasons)
    It’s simple. It’s about love.
    ~m

    sulz: okay. i hope i’m as lucky as you are to find a love like that. πŸ™‚

  16. You need to marry into a less superficial family. Any group of people who wouldn’t welcome sulz is a group that doesn’t deserve to have her.

    sulz: awww… this is like seriously the first time i’ve seen you say something super nice with no sarcasm detected. i must be that good! πŸ˜›

    got it: marry into less superficial family… how many percent of the population left, then?

  17. You want to see my cousins? We could work something out.

    Downside: you’d end up in Canada.

    sulz: haha… raincoaster, matchmaker. doesn’t quite have a nice ring as raincoaster, world dominator.

    hey, i think canada is better than malaysia. why do you think my uncle and family moved there?

    though yeah, i’d definitely miss home horribly.

  18. we chatted in meebo.and who said ur commn skills are bad outside the blog…

    sulz: well, technically the meebo is on my blog! πŸ˜›

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