blogging gobbledygook and such

Is it a problem when people tell you it is?

What if you don’t think it’s a problem?

But if many people tell you the same thing over a period of time, isn’t that saying something?

Do you have to feel it’s a problem for it to be a problem?

What if only one person tells you it is a problem?

Does that make the problem exist?

Do you really have a problem when one person says you do?

What if that person is the one with the problem but is accusing you for having one?

*

Obviously I’m very muddled.

Comments on: "When is a problem a problem?" (14)

  1. Why, what’s the problem?

    sulz: well, there isn’t a problem in mind when i’m asking the questions. just something i sometimes wonder in times of problems. πŸ™‚

  2. I think it’s only a problem if you feel it is.

    Everybody has very different points of view. Can’t rely on them to determine if you have a problem or not.

    sulz: that’s what’s most practical to believe, for reasons you’ve provided. i kind of agree. and then, sometimes i think, if we don’t dismiss what others say, maybe we can improve ourselves? that is, if you’ve finally agreed that there’s a problem!

    haha, i think i thought too much. πŸ˜›

  3. I would have to agree with Nessa that it’s only a problem if you think it is. I like to view them as “learning opprortunities”.
    Conversely, I don’t decree that someone else has a problem, either, as they would have to see it that way themselves.
    We may choose to take on other people’s stuff, or not. Sounds like someone’s trying to put their stuff on you, sulz, but it’s your job to try it on and see if it fits. I hope you are able to get un-muddled soon! ?)

    sulz: i don’t know. i mean, if your loved ones tell you that you have a problem, when you don’t see it as one, maybe you have to reevaluate your perspective? and at the same time, if you have no problems with yourself, why should you change to please people?

    yeah, i get influenced by what people say to me quite easily, which can be a problem, or not, because it means i am more accepting of other alternatives.

  4. If someone is telling you that you have a problem, but you suspect they are the ones with the same problem, it’s a major red flag. What that person is doing is employing projection – a complicated concept which boiled down amounts to their trying to throw their issues onto you. They say it’s a defence mechanism where one “projects” one’s own undesirable thoughts, motivations, desires, and feelings onto someone else.

    I say major red flag because it’s employed by psychopaths and sociopaths all the time.

    sulz: haha, i don’t think i know any sociopaths… yet. πŸ˜‰ i don’t think i can do anything about such people since they insist it’s you who’s having such a problem when they don’t realise it could be applied to them too…

  5. lovelyloey said:

    For me, a problem is only a problem when I think it is. And only because I want to get myself into the right frame of thinking to handle it like a problem. Others cannot decide for me what constitutes a problem (only it’s something that concerns them too) because perhaps whatever situation it is, it might just be an everyday affair for me.

    sulz: that’s definitely true in some cases! πŸ™‚

  6. I tend to disagree with most everyone. Sometimes there is no problem but sometimes there is a problem. We just do not allow ourselves to see it. And that is when a problem really reaches out and bites you. The difficult task is trying to decide if you are just paranoid or if you really need to address a situation. It is really difficult to look at a situation objectively and decide correctly. We all have blind spots.

    sulz: exactly what i think! sometimes i wish i have my own daemon who knows me inside out and tells me what to do. but in that case, i wouldn’t be able to think for myself then if i’m constantly relying on my other self?

  7. Well, if somebody tells you there is a problem and that somebody is important enough, you should sit and think if there actually is one and what made the person say that. If your mind tells you there’s something wrong, then their might be a problem but if you feel there’s nothing wrong, then just ignore it. As everybody said, a problem is a problem only when you think it is.

    sulz: yeah, that’s pretty much the only way to go about it, is there? πŸ˜‰ i think what i need is a little more self-faith so i don’t get easily influenced by negative judgments.

  8. I agree with Ish. Many times we think it’s not a problem. Obviously everyone thinks that he/she is perfect, but it’s not the case. Sometimes it’s good to stop and think and listen to what others have got to say.

    sulz: yes, and i hope that if anyone feels that way about me, they would not hesitate to give their two cents. πŸ™‚ (i don’t guarantee i will understand it, but i can accept constructive criticism.)

  9. Sorry- my grammar is all muddled up. Let me re type the comment. Please delete my earlier comment:

    Many times we think there’s no a problem. Obviously everyone thinks that he/she is perfect, but this is not always the case. Sometimes it’s good to stop and think and listen to what others have got to say and then take it from there.

    sulz: yes, and i hope that if anyone feels that way about me, they would not hesitate to give their two cents. πŸ™‚ (i don’t guarantee i will understand it, but i can accept constructive criticism.)

  10. Honestly, I’ve stopped listening to “feedback” from people about “problems.” The reason? Most of the time they are just full of shit. Even worse, they don’t even realize some of the bullshit they spew.

    I suppose there is genuine concern, and you just have to have your bull-shit detector on to sort out the truth from the unwanted/unwarranted criticisims.

    People love to judge, and love to talk down to others from a position of strength.

    Usually my tactic is to point out something horrifically wrong with them when they identify a “problem” they have with me. It’s actually quite rewarding/satisfying.

    sulz: tell me about it! when i can’t stand it, i do as you do. sometimes it shuts them up, or get them into full-blown defensive mode in which nothing you say will make sense to them and they are right in the end. πŸ˜•

  11. A problem is a problem for someone. When you are told you have a problem, ask them if it bothers them and if so, why. Listen to the answer as the other person reveals more about him/ her self than he/ she realises.

    sulz: you’re right, what you say about something shows your character in some aspect. if only i have enough savoir-faire to give an appropriate response, regardless of what i feel about their issues of me, that i can avoid arguments!

  12. @ Sulz: There is a simple tool I use to deal with nuisance. If I am in no mood to answer a question or deal with something, I either smile and ask “why do you want to know?” or smile and ask “why does it bother you?”.

    Simple, really. Try it. πŸ™‚ The results will astonish you.

    sulz: i have the perfect opportunity to try your method out! in my blog no less. πŸ˜‰ (see the top post comments section if you don’t already know, heh)

  13. Sulz: Can’t say I missed it πŸ™‚

    sulz: haha, just in case. πŸ˜›

  14. To my surprise, what people consider to be my problem seldom seems to be significant to me…And what I consider a problem almost always seems silly and unimportant to others!!
    Surely, I would take a pause to think about what they say, but it must convince me if it has to influence me.

    thescoundrel’s words here grab my attention. ‘looking at things objectively’ sounds fine though I am not sure if I can really do it πŸ™‚

    sulz: hey, long time no see! πŸ™‚ i guess the reason why the problems we see in others are insignificant to them but significant to us is because of our personal experiences and perspectives. i think it’s good to take note of such things even if we don’t see as a real problem as such, because who knows, maybe others feel the same way as they do about ourselves?

    anyway, yes, i too have your problem of looking at myself objectively! well, let’s try. πŸ˜‰

    thanks for dropping by! πŸ˜€

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