Sheila has today’s handwritten valentine. It’s a bit hard to read it but I hope you can manage! That is one of my favourite bookmarks on my hardcover copy of Illustrated Shakespeare works, abridged version.
A relative wanted me to do her a favour. I don’t mind helping anyone out, but what gets to me is when she assumed that I would say yes, and that I’d do it at the time she wanted and the way she wanted.
If you take out the assumption in that statement, it would have been true. I’d have done it, even if I may not want to do it. But put the assumption back, and I’d get cranky as hell and kick up a big fuss before sourly doing it.
Because I really, really dislike it when people make decisions on my behalf based on my past behaviour or their own perspective. I do admit, I am a very predictable person, but please don’t assume that I am free to help you out. And even if I am free, why do you feel that it’s not a problem to take away my free time, time that I wanted to be for myself, to do something for you, just because I have nothing planned? Nothing planned is still a plan to me. I plan to do nothing. Not do something for you.
And just because you said it to someone else within my hearing distance that you wanted to do this and the only person who can help out happens to be me, does not equate me agreeing to do that thing for you. Because you don’t even have the bloody courtesy to ask me directly for my help but assume I have heard it and would know your intentions. And what if I didn’t hear? What if I don’t want to assume that the person you plan to get help from would be me?
Don’t take it for granted that just because you know me inside and out that you can predict my actions or answers. Once you do that is when I’d do the total opposite just to spite you, because it feels like you don’t respect me as a person. Would you have done the same thing with a friend?
At the very least, give me the illusion that I have the ability, the choice to say yes or no, even though we very well know that I couldn’t say no.
For the record, I have been guilty of doing this before. I know now that I shouldn’t, and I would try not to in the future.