blogging gobbledygook and such

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Sheila has today’s handwritten valentine. It’s a bit hard to read it but I hope you can manage! That is one of my favourite bookmarks on my hardcover copy of Illustrated Shakespeare works, abridged version.

*

A relative wanted me to do her a favour. I don’t mind helping anyone out, but what gets to me is when she assumed that I would say yes, and that I’d do it at the time she wanted and the way she wanted.

If you take out the assumption in that statement, it would have been true. I’d have done it, even if I may not want to do it. But put the assumption back, and I’d get cranky as hell and kick up a big fuss before sourly doing it.

Because I really, really dislike it when people make decisions on my behalf based on my past behaviour or their own perspective. I do admit, I am a very predictable person, but please don’t assume that I am free to help you out. And even if I am free, why do you feel that it’s not a problem to take away my free time, time that I wanted to be for myself, to do something for you, just because I have nothing planned? Nothing planned is still a plan to me. I plan to do nothing. Not do something for you.

And just because you said it to someone else within my hearing distance that you wanted to do this and the only person who can help out happens to be me, does not equate me agreeing to do that thing for you. Because you don’t even have the bloody courtesy to ask me directly for my help but assume I have heard it and would know your intentions. And what if I didn’t hear? What if I don’t want to assume that the person you plan to get help from would be me?

Don’t take it for granted that just because you know me inside and out that you can predict my actions or answers. Once you do that is when I’d do the total opposite just to spite you, because it feels like you don’t respect me as a person. Would you have done the same thing with a friend?

At the very least, give me the illusion that I have the ability, the choice to say yes or no, even though we very well know that I couldn’t say no.

*

For the record, I have been guilty of doing this before. I know now that I shouldn’t, and I would try not to in the future.

Comments on: "Don’t Make An Ass Out of You & Me" (9)

  1. I think we are all guilty of doing very similar things and being on both sides of the equation. It seems that it is human nature for us all to forget that maybe the other person is not comfortable being counted on to be so predictable and to be expected to drop everything to help out. Sometime we all need a little “me” time away from those who depend on us and they just do not understand. “Been there done that” on both sides of the issue.

    sulz: yup. moral of the story: don’t ass u me! πŸ˜›

  2. There can only be two solutions to that solution. Either you say no and flatly refuse to do it so that they don’t assume you would do it next time or else you tell them that you know..they can’t assume that you would do it. First way would work better because humans learn only when their work is not done. If you tell the relative, he/she would conveniently forget that and assume that you would still do their work but that you might crib. Don’t be so predictable, that’s the only solution. This happens with me too. Whenever I’m going out with my friends, they simply assume that I will pay for the food. Nobody bothers asking me if I’m comfortable spending the money or not. People simply don’t bother till the time you force them to bother.

    Nice bookmark btw, where did you get it?

    sulz: yeah, you’re right. man, don’t let your friends take advantage of you! my friends and i always go dutch; we never assume someone is treating until she says so. better still, next time ask for the bill and go to the bathroom after that for 10 minutes. πŸ˜›

    thanks! i love it too, matches my chick lit books very well. got it from a souvenir shop; i have several different designs of the same brand ‘cos they’re really nice!

  3. I am guilty of doing it as well, but not as often as my family members. We had to come to the agreement of always asking before hand. It bothered me because the wouldn’t just want favors for them, they’d lend me out to their friends, promising them that I’d help. That’s what annoyed me the most.

    The valentine is really cute.

    sulz: oh yeah, that’s the worst kind of assuming! and you can’t back out of those because your family would ‘lose face’ if they promised you but you won’t do it in the end.

    thanks, i hope you’ll think the same for yours. πŸ™‚

  4. < Nightwriter. My family does that to me aswell!!! It deeply irritates me!

    “You don’t have shift on saturday, so I told your uncle you could go check on his knee”.

    It is not even a question. It is an assumption. I usually rebel and become “The one who doesn’t help her family” “The one who think’s she’s the last coke at the dessert”.

    sulz: haha, like you spend your free time away from the hospital to do more medical-related work! πŸ˜›

  5. Ah yes, give ’em an inch and they take a mile. Folks always take people they can depend on for granted. You’ve got a right to be pissed.

    I love it…angry Sulz has always been my favorite. I’m just like you though, if I feel folks are hemming me in, I rebel against their actions and act unpredictably. A good “force multiplier” for this is when they also think you are slightly off your rocker.

    sulz: oh well, i was pretty pissed, but they’re still family in the end! hah, you’re the only one who likes me angry then, ‘cos i know nobody else does! i can be pretty awful when i’m pissed.

  6. i like what you said in your previous comment. but i can’t be as awful as i want to be when i am pissed. so i spend time crying on my own and burning inside.

    i wish i could get a fake doctor’s certificate that i am clinically mad. mad ones get a lot of privileges. i envy them.

    sorry for this off-topic comment. i am pissed about stuff, please excuse me.

    sulz: i know, i do that sometimes. especially when i just cannot muster the strength to start a verbal war.

    bad day, huh? 😦 i hope it works out for you soon. otherwise, blog it. πŸ˜›

    no sweat. it’s good to hear from you. πŸ™‚ *hugs*

  7. I am trying to remember if I offered CJs help with my friend Ester….I do not think so but he is printing up over 100 wedding photos for her!!!
    The problem with us oldies is that we think you under 30s are so flipping brilliant what with the internet etc so some of us automatically assume that our children will do it for us or for our friends etc etc

    I also say automatically that CJ is a genius at these things..which he is [and that is not just maternal pride] and that I will ask him if he has time etc ..no obligation…but that is more for the internet..does not involve him going anywhere …just an extension of what he is doing anyway.

    Maybe the people involved were rude in how they handled it but also maybe now that you have had some time….can you not turn it around and see it as a compliment that people rely on you to help others?

    Or maybe it was really a terrible imposition and I am way off base here, I have been before!!! I guess what I am saying or trying to is that you can feel annoyed by people assuming you are always the reliable one who will help or alternately you could choose to feel delighted that people do just that. I choose to think that is why they ask you… because you are such a kind, caring and interesting young woman. Who would not want you to do stuff for them?

    sulz: haha, i would really like to see it the positive way, but i know they asked me because i’m always the dependable one. i guess i was also in a lousy mood; if i were in a better mood, i don’t think i’d be kicking up a fuss like that. we do take things easier when we’re in a good mood, don’t we? πŸ™‚ that means i must find things that makes me feel good more often!

  8. Dave, I meant to write earlier but I absolutely love my valentines note . It made me feel very special and warm inside. Thank you very much. You are beautiful.

    sulz: dave??

  9. Soory Sulz, I have a severe crush on someone and guess what his name is…I apologize. Thank you again for the note.

    sulz: haha… you’re welcome. πŸ™‚

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