blogging gobbledygook and such

What Makes You Happy?

In the previous post have realised the need to be self’s own source of happiness. A question in the comments got self wondering: what makes self happy?

It would be nice to give the generic, true-to-a-certain-extent kind of answers, like sleeping in on a rainy morning, or curling up on the couch with a good book, eating a slice of decadent chocolate cake…

Yes, little things like that make sulz happy, but what really makes self truly happy? The kind of happiness where even after the thing that made you happy has long gone, it still puts a smile of your face? The kind of happiness where things that usually bother you, like traffic jams, make you not bothered at all but instead makes you start singing in the car, even though you don’t like how your voice sounds? The kind of happiness where you drift off to sleep with a smile, feeling safe and loved and knowing that that will still be there for you in the morning?

Am really happy when feel loved by the people self care most about. When get to share a private joke that makes us laugh till our stomachs and cheeks hurt and we cry. When get to spend the day with them at the mall, watching a movie or having lunch with a great conversation, the kind that makes you laugh every few minutes and annoy the other diners in the restaurant because they aren’t having what you’re having. When get to hear their secrets and they open up to self, and make self feel honoured to be shown this private side of them. When they tell self that they appreciate self’s friendship and that self mean a lot to them. When they don’t tell self that they appreciate self’s friendship, but know that they do by their actions.

That’s what makes self really happy.

*

And because I don’t really have that (I do sometimes, very fleetingly, never enough) at the moment, my college work is suffering very, very badly. I’m the sort of person who can’t separate personal matters from business. I”m also the sort of person who reads too much into things and take things way too personally. 👿 I think that’s a problem and I’m not sure how to solve that. If my personal life is suffering, my work will too. (I won’t make a good employee, that’s for sure, sigh.) Right now, I have

1. a research paper draft to complete and hand in by today, of which I am very, very far from finishing.
2. a group assignment about intercultural communication.
3. a group assignment comprising a report and a presentation.
4. a group assignment about Australian English.
5. to write a travel brochure in a foreign language.
6. to write a script in a foreign language (we’re doing a news report – I’m doing the weather report section, heh)

Except for no. 1, which was due last Friday and which I am not even close to completing (?!!!), the rest are due within the next 4 weeks. Including no. 1 too since the deadline for the draft was last week and I have to hand in the complete work by the end of the semester.

What the bleeding hell am I doing blogging this??? Start doing your fucking homework, sulz!!!

Comments on: "What Makes You Happy?" (4)

  1. I’m confused. Is the 1st part of your post reverting back to sulz self-speak? Or is it a quote from an older post?
    In any event, I think you are brave for exploring your own source of happiness. I would agree that it can only come from you, and you engaging in activities that make you happy. Magically, people tend to show up at those places that make you happy too!
    How’s the homework? Particularly the research paper? Are you suffering from end-of-semester blahs? Classes are usually more exciting during the first few meetings. And I think you are nervous about the rest of your life! We’ll be here to support you whatever happens. 🙂

    sulz: yeah, that was the self-speak. haha, the way you put it is funny. 🙂 i passed up a very unfinished draft to my supervisor yesterday but at least i have a better idea what to do after his feedback. hopefully i can come up with something presentable by the end of the month. 😕 and yes, i am apprehensive about life after college, but i just have to stick my chin up and go through it just like others who did too!

  2. Sulz I did not respond to this until I had spoken to CJ because I was concerned and not sure of your intent…with reverting to the self speak etc.
    I will say something that may sound harsh, but while you are happiest when feeling loved and needed and appreciated by the people you love you are also at your most vulnerable, because that is where your happiness lies.

    I do not think other people apart from possibly your own children and hopefully your parents can ever love you with that selfless love that you need. Their needs will aways be uppermost,it is human nature. I do not know what the answer is except perhaps to love yourself more…..your happiness can not come from others as life changes things and the people we rely on are not always going to be there.

    I say this to you as am concerned when you say it has affected your work….please do not be afraid to tell me should you totally disagree with what I have said, although I am saying it because you once said to me that the one thing older people have is experience and I think that is true….they say wisdom is wasted on the young but I disagree…imagine if you had the wisdom of age as well as the good health and opportunities. Hope this helps not hinders.

    sulz: you are right. i do realise my problem of depending on people’s approval of me to make myself feel happy. i’m not sure how to not do so much of this; as it is, my blog is fuelling me of this need, when readers respond to me. that said, i thought the blog has helped me to accept myself more, but at the moment i feel like i’ve gone back to before, like an addict relapsing.

    i think it’s a phase i will get over soon.

  3. Ah but Sulz it is the other way round on the blog….WE LOVE YOU so it is different…you are not trying to get our approval are you? You certainly do not need to ..the shoe is on the other foot WE NEED YOU…sorry cannot think how to make italics except on blog posts and emails.
    I think are being your true self here the one you do not show to your friends when having a good time…cause these days everyone wants everything to be happy and fun…here you can be the you who is not afraid to show that other thoughtful reflective side.
    Having said that I take your point about approval and blogging but I think you have an honest community around you and you can stay pals even while disagreeing with each other.

    sulz: i love you all too. 🙂 i don’t think i seek for approval outrightly, but i do write with readers in mind most of the time, which is in a way seeking approval to a small extent.

    yes, i definitely feel the blogging ‘me’ is one of the most real side of me, the side which might surface if i were in a good conversation with someone close.

    and i definitely need readers who are willing to tell me if i’m wrong. in other places, i would probably be offended or refuse to accept different perspectives for various reasons (for instance, i would probably not accept a view of someone i dislike, even if i know deep down the person has a valid point), but here i think people focus on the issue more than me if they were to disagree with me.

    thank you for your comments. the part about you not knowing how to italicise made me lol! 😀

  4. what people thought of me used to bother me a lot. if i felt ignored or not liked enough i used to feel there’s something wrong with me. now i have let go – cos i know i’m an incorrigible me. so i better be happy with that.

    apart from that, what truly makes me happy is serendipity. i love it when i find compositions, or themes, right before my very eyes. and hopefully, these things keep on happening to me. so potential happiness awaits me at every nook and corner.

    when i am truly down nothing seems interesting and that worries me. the day i find out (ohmigosh, nooooooooooo) that my creative juice has dried up is the day i will be truly unhappy – maybe even insane. cos i won’t know what to do with myself and how to spend the day!

    sulz: i’m learning to not let what people think of me rule the way i feel and see myself, but it’s hard, especially when i do it unconsciously.

    i don’t think we will ever stop being inspired. we may suffer a block, but we will always have something that inspires us in the end, because life is ever changing, and something somewhere somehow will find a way to us and make us want to do something in honour of it! that’s how i get to keep blogging all this while. 🙂

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