blogging gobbledygook and such

Friends will always have something in common, whether it’s personal interests, or relation by proximity. What I mean by friends is the generic meaning, not necessarily people whom you really consider your true friends.

Friends will also always have something not in common too. Like in my case, MusEditions dislikes shopping but I love it; Juan doesn’t like girly songs but I love them; I’m sure there’s something I’ve mentioned here that I love and when you read it you wrinkled your nose and go bleh. Which is perfectly natural, since we can’t like all the same stuff. What you like I could possibly detest very much.

In such moments, we may not agree with our friends’ likes or dislikes, but we might understand them. For example, I’ve been asking my friends this question: If you have to choose between eating only chocolate-flavoured ice-creams for the rest of your life, or any ice-cream flavour but chocolate the rest of your life, which would you choose? I chose chocolate, because I really love chocolate and I can’t imagine not being able to eat any chocolate-flavoured ice-cream for the rest of my life that I’m willing to forgo all the other amazing flavours. And I think if this is a decision I have to make in real life, I would choose the same thing; even right now, each time I have a treat at Baskin Robbins (Maui Brownie Madness, mmm!!) or want to buy ice-cream of any sort, my instinct is to go for the chocolate ones. None of my friends have chosen chocolate when I posed this question to them – they all rather forgo chocolate so they won’t miss out on all the other great variety of flavours. And that’s understandable to me; I know not everybody likes chocolate the way I do, and if you look at it, to be able to have practically any ice-cream flavour more than makes up for having to forgo in my humble opinion the best ice-cream flavour of any time!!!

My point is that, in these moments, we can disagree and yet understand why our friends do not feel the same way as us. We don’t judge each other negatively for having differing opinions.

But it’s just ice-cream in that situation. What about differing political opinions, religious outlooks, sexual preferences, et cetera? When the topic is more complicated, it’s harder to put ourselves in our friend’s shoes, it’s harder to see the rationale of their inclinations… so we judge. We wonder, how on earth could they possibly feel / think / do / act / say that way, when it’s clearly not right? And we try to justify with reasons we feel explain their choices. She’s a pessimist, that’s why she’s suicidal… He’s deluded, that’s why he thinks he will strike it rich one day playing the lottery… He’s lazy, that’s why he’s so fat… She’s fussy, that’s why she isn’t married until now…

It’s easier to judge because it’s harder to empathise.

Comments on: "An Observation Of People Which I’m Guilty Of Doing Too" (12)

  1. You’re right. We do tend to judge people a lot. That’s only natural. And it depends from situation to situation and from person to person. You can find people that might take the chocolate ice-cream question rather seriously too. This is particularly noticeable in music tastes. They do tend to differ a lot from person to person and somebody who listens to the Backstreet Boys has to listen to a lot of flak because everybody thinks they’re gay and lame. It’s just that we can’t always understand the way the other persons’ brain works. And when we can’t comprehend it at all, we judge them. I think we only need to realize that it’s a personal decision and that they must be having their reasons for it.

    sulz: exactly, we can’t get the way people’s brains work! and since it is so hard to empathise, and so easy to rationalise by judging, why not, right? but we must be careful of the implications of judging. and hey, i listen to backstreet boys too (they’re the pioneers of boy bands after nkotb)… so what if any one of them is gay? gay music rocks, like mika! ๐Ÿ˜€ (haha, geddit?)

  2. I may not enjoy clothes shopping, but I’ll go ice cream shopping with you anytime! I’m with you on the chocolate. Although I don’t have ice cream all that often, the thought of never being able to have chocolate again is just too horrible to contemplate, even though I occasionally have other flavors. Besides, there’s enough variety within chocolate, as you point out: chocolate chip, chocolate drizzle, and ooooh that Maui Brownie—bring it on, baby! ๐Ÿ˜‰ I’m surprised that most of your friends would choose the variety of ice cream instead. I thought there were lots of chocoholics around. I actually had a relative who thought anyone who didn’t like vanilla ice cream best was an idiot! He’d get in arguments about that if anyone was willing. As they say, wars have been started over less.

    And that brings me to the last part of your post. I realize I’ve been guilty of some of the rationalizations you proposed. I think we all judge each other to some extent, and that’s part of being human. What I didn’t fully realize until reading your post is how often I’ve tried to combat that by making up my own excuses for what I perceive is “wrong” about them. You’ve caused me to remember that their life path, or condition, or status is not about ME, so who am I to make excuses for it? I’ve just taken another step towards acceptance, thanks to you! ๐Ÿ˜€ Very thoughtful, sensitive post.

    sulz: haha, what’s there to shop about ice-cream? unless it’s an ice-cream with nothing but chocolate flavours… that would be the most pleasurable dilemma to have! ๐Ÿ˜€ ooh, i never pegged you as a chocoholic. i mean, practically everybody loves chocolate, but there are those out there who strangely does not think the world of chocolate the way we do! ๐Ÿ˜‰ haha, yeah, kinda silly to fight over ice-cream flavours, but at least there’s passion (although negatively expressed)! ๐Ÿ˜†

    aren’t we all guilty of that? i think it’s okay to be guilty of that, but we should be aware of it as well, so at least if we continue to judge, we’re making an informed decision. i love that – informed decision; makes me feel like it’s okay to do bad things sometimes ‘cos i know the badness of it! ๐Ÿ˜› hah, i couldn’t even glean what you have from my post! but i’m glad to help, haha. it’s been a long time since i have a sensitive post, isn’t it? for some reason these days i get more comments in posts about myself! (not that my narcissistic side objects.) :mrgreen:

  3. so true, I try my hardest not to judge… but it’s part of human nature to reject that which we do not understand. I had this sort of problem when the state was trying to make it illegal for teenage girls to get an abortion with out telling their parents. My best friend thought it was a good idea, but I would of voted against it if I could vote at the time.

    She couldn’t understand my point of view, I don’t support abortion, I definitely don’t agree with it… but i do believe that women of all ages should have a choice. And i know she’s all religious and stuff and believes that it is a sin to have an abortion, but being religious, i had hoped that she would remember that God gave humans free will, and for a reason. And that the state was now trying to take away that free will from these young girls.

    any way, we agreed to disagree, but for a while me friend thought I was some horrible monster that supported the killing of babies. it took a while for her to understand where i was coming from.

    sulz: but at least she did in the end. ๐Ÿ™‚ it’s those who refuse to see or try to see the other side of the coin that’s difficult, because they think their side is the right side. ๐Ÿ™„ i can’t stand these people… or am i judging here? ๐Ÿ˜›

  4. Sometimes I think you are peering into my soul, Sulz! ๐Ÿ™‚

    To answer the original question – I’d go with banana ice cream. Homemade if possible. That’s always been my weakness.

    Ah yes, but differences of opinion can lead to nasty disputes. I recently left an online community that I loved deeply and met numerous good friends on over nastiness arising from differences of opinion. I had always tried to be tolerant and respectful of folks who felt even polar opposite to myself, which made me all the more irate when not being a Barrack Obama supporter brought out roundabout claims of naziism.

    I just don’t think people appreciate how nasty some of the name calling is. I also may be a bit ill equiped for it, as from my stature/build, I’ve never really had to deal with anyone calling me any names unless it was from a safe distance far, far away.

    The kind of discussion that occurrs on the internet, where folks think they are defending idealogies, religions, etc., from attack just lends itself to unfriendlybehavior. People who are in disagreement don’t talk to each other over the internet in a way they would if face to face.

    I’ve always praised the whole “walk a mile in someone’s shoes” mantra and have discussed things heart to heart (in person) with enough folks passionately embracing other opinions than my own to have an understanding of where they are coming from. I find it patronizing to think “how could anyone feel that way?” and always try to see from their angle. I just wish others would do the same.

    In fact, that was a large part of my recent spat as well. The madness that it was somehow impossible to understand how someone could have a difference of opinion. I guess a lot of people are just “smuug” these days and don’t think they can ever be wrong.

    Man, I pray for those people. They’re doomed to suffer some pretty big surprises before their days are through if they believe they are infallible.

    Excellent post, Sulz. One might say life is
    like a box of chocolates? ๐Ÿ™‚

    sulz: haha, blogging unleashes powers in me i never knew i had! ๐Ÿ˜‰ banana ice-cream, forever?? how could you feel that way?! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    totally agree about how people talk on the internet the way they wouldn’t in real life, in both the positive and negative sense. i mean, lots of blog posts, like this one for instance ๐Ÿ˜‰ , talks about stuff we normally won’t in real life, would we, unless it’s with our significant other or a really close friend. then there’s the negative bit, like what happened to you in that online community (it’s so scary i hardly dare to join in the forum, haha), where people throw insults or names they would probably be too chicken to do in real life.

    thank you for the compliment! ๐Ÿ˜€ hmm, now who is that wise person who said that…

  5. Itโ€™s easier to judge because itโ€™s harder to empathise.

    I think that’s so true. And some people have closed minds to any other way of seeing things. I suppose they just can’t imagine their way of thinking is not correct. It’s not in their realm of possible.

    As for ice cream, as much as I enjoy chocolate on its own I’ve never been fond of chocolate ice cream. Go figure.

    sulz: haha you’ve phrased it well – not in their realm of possible, exactly, it just seems like they can’t see it! i don’t understand such people… oh wait, that makes me sound like them. ๐Ÿ˜›

    omg, i love chocolate ice-cream, especially those with chocolate chunks in them! between chocolate and chocolate ice-cream, i have to say the latter, though only just. ๐Ÿ˜€

  6. lovelyloey said:

    I’d choose the other flavours.
    Not big on chocolate ice cream somehow. ๐Ÿ˜›

    sulz: see?? my point proven! ๐Ÿ˜€ (muse’s answer notwithstanding, heh)

  7. thebeadden said:

    Great post sulz. I try my best not to judge. It really is easy to do so. It’s easy for me to understand the why’s but hard for me to accept what some people do and not judge that action. It’s a fine line.

    I hate clothes shopping too! ugh. I can’t eat ice cream but I love it.

    sulz: thank you very much! ๐Ÿ™‚ yes, what a fine line it is! i definitely have experienced that, where i know why but i just can’t buy it for some reason, which is not fair to the other person.

    oh, you just haven’t found the right place to shop, like in kuala lumpur. ๐Ÿ˜‰ even if you hate shopping you’d buy in bulk because it’s so cheap due to the exchange rate! can’t eat ice-cream?? ๐Ÿ˜ฎ oh well, there’s cake. i love cake too. ๐Ÿ˜€

  8. “Itโ€™s easier to judge because itโ€™s harder to empathise.”
    that’s quite a quote, you know! ๐Ÿ˜€

    i try my best not to judge my friends, cos that’s how i expect them to treat me. and i am naturally good at empathising.

    but ahem, when friends aren’t concerned, i can be quite judgmental!

    sulz: haha, that could be 15 seconds of fame by appearing in some quotes website or something! ๐Ÿ˜› i think i can empathise, but it’s accepting that i have trouble with sometimes.

    and yes, that’s where the fun is in gossiping! :mrgreen:

  9. Ms.Johnny said:

    I always tell myself not to judge others, but funny thing is that would be the first thing that cross my mind, EVERYTIME! Then I will tell myself again that it is not good to judge coz everyone is different and unique. Well, usually this only happens when I see people on the street or new classmates in class.

    Though I like chocolate, but I rather go with every-other-flavours coz I don’t want to be enjoying only one thing forever ๐Ÿ™‚

    sulz: haha, same lah. especially people you don’t know! ๐Ÿ˜€

    hehe, just as long you don’t adopt the same approach when it comes to men. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  10. I like this post, I feel as if it’s describing what I’ve been feeling for quite some time now. Definitely can’t say that I’ve never judged someone before since I am only human, but I do try my very best to understand because hey, to each of his own, right? Sometimes I do think the reason some people judge is because in a warped sense, they care about the person and they judge that person’s actions, especially if it goes against norms of society and all things we know to be safe. Sure, you can call it blind faith but sometimes, that’s just what it is…”blind” and sometimes you need people who well, aren’t “blind” to help you to not get yourself in trouble.

    My opinion is that, despite all the underlining judging either one may be doing, you give it all you got in a friendship and keep trying…until you can’t anymore because your efforts are seemingly rejected and in the end, the friendship should really just die so that you don’t have to waste your time putting in endless futile attempts and the other person can stop thinking you’re wasting her time.

    Hmm…I guess I got off topic! XD

    sulz: but i know what you’re talking about. ๐Ÿ˜‰ i sort of am facing a similar situation with a friend – i tell her something’s off, but she doesn’t see it, and does it still… how to convince her if she doesn’t see it? so yeah, there’s only so much you can try to do, the rest is up to the person to take your words seriously or at least try to see where you’re coming from. the ball is in her court, not yours, but you can walk away if she’s not hitting it back to you.

    in situations like these, it’s partly judgemental, but at least you’re being honest with your judgements. it’s when we judge without confronting the person, without giving the person a chance to respond, that we judge with our own feelings and without the feelings of the other party, and that can be destructive to ourselves sometimes.

  11. Ice cream is a metaphor for life, isn’t it? It takes all the flavors to make up the world. If we all liked chocolate, that would be such a sad situation. Plus, we’d run out of chocolate! But for me, I’d choose the eating chocolate only option, I think. And I like B-R’s Fudge Brownie–but haven’t seen it at Baskin-Robbins for years. So sad.

    sulz: well, i was only thinking as far as ice-cream when i asked the question. ๐Ÿ˜› but yeah, it could well be a metaphor for life, but we sometimes forget that we need all sorts of people to make a colourful community! ๐Ÿ™‚ i’ve never heard of fudge brownie, but it does sound good, damn. ๐Ÿ˜€

  12. This is so true. I try to be open-minded, but I know that I do sometimes judge people, and it worries me that people sometimes judge too much. That’s what leads to rivalries and labelling and name calling and ghettoisation.

    Who would have thought that a post talking about ice cream would be so profound?

    sulz: haha, as the previous commenter said, ice-cream could be a metaphor for life. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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