blogging gobbledygook and such

Regrets

I know some people don’t subscribe to this idea of regret. I can understand that. I wish I could look at it that way too, that it was just another experience. It was, but one I think I rather not have experienced if I had the choice.

My regrets are mostly to do with myself, and my relationships. I’m quite lucky that decisions about my education have so far been good ones, if not the best. (I hope I will make good decisions for my career, but most importantly my love life!) I thought going to Form Six was risky, but the risk paid off because I got to do a degree that I enjoyed very much because of it. I don’t know if I wanted it, because I had no clue what linguistics was about until I studied for it, and when I did find out, it wasn’t all that bad… I don’t get phonetics and syntax, but I like morphology and grammar and English civilization and translation. (Despite moaning about doing work – I’m lazy, remember!) I had bad work experience, but nothing traumatic. You need bad experience sometimes because it builds character.

So, right, back to myself and my relationships. I regret the way I behave sometimes when I react at the height of my emotions. I can be pretty melodramatic, and I blow things out of proportion. When I calm down, I feel so ashamed because it would be a small conflict, but I made it so big that it became big. Actually, sometimes it can be a big thing and I am not being melodramatic, but the way I react makes me embarrassed, because even if it was a big thing, I could have approach it in a more dignified manner, couldn’t I? Then the other person would look like a total ass and I would look even better because of that! πŸ˜€

As for my relationships, I have some I regret. I regret being close to Ms Ick at one point in college, because I find out that the reason she was being buddy buddy with me was so she could find out more about me and then go badmouth me to her other friends. The keep your friends close and your enemies closer approach. I feel stupid, because I actually liked her. She was witty, confident, friendly, everything that I am not and admire. When I found out, I felt betrayed and foolish, because I couldn’t see through her fakeness. She never had any intention to be my good friend, but demonstrated all the social conventions of seeming to want to be mine. I’ve never been treated like that before. I’ve had friends with whom I grew close to and then we drifted apart, and I kinda regret those friendships too, but not the bitter way I do with Miss Ick. Even till the last day of our class together at the party, I refused to take a photo with her. I refused whatever she asked to do with me.

And then there are other relationships I did not regret having, but regretted the way it ended. These are all my romantic relationships. Of course I wish it didn’t end if I could choose, but I regret how I didn’t keep in touch with them. But I think it is probably a good thing because I have a hard time letting go of the past, and I think if I am in touch with them now old feelings would resurface… I also regret how and why it ended, because I have contributed to those reasons. Maybe if I am more mature, less demanding, more secure in myself, things would have been different. We could break up later anyway, but at least it wouldn’t be my fault as much? I would’ve tried my best?

Sigh, regrets. I do wish some things didn’t happen in my life. That said, I do not deny these events. I may be ashamed of them, but I admit them. To pretend they didn’t happen is to deny a part of me in that moment of time, because had the circumstances been different, I would not have regret it. That would be a bit contradicting, to deny things simply because I do not like it.

Regrets are like mistakes. They are mistakes, the kind you wish you had known better. And like mistakes, they are lessons of their own kind. They are better lessons than ordinary mistakes, because you can make the same mistake over and over again, not really learning it, but with regret, the lesson sticks better in your head and you would make a conscious effort not to repeat it. Which doesn’t mean you won’t make that mistake, but if anything, regret does teach you something about yourself. What you choose to do about it is up to you.

Comments on: "Regrets" (11)

  1. Sulz, as you said the lesson sticks better if you regret. I didn’t think of it like that…but 10 years later you will feel differently when you look back. You will never really “reget” in it’s true meaning because of this very reason!

    sulz: hmm, that’s true. i guess that’s why history always repeat itself with other people. different people, same mistakes, because it’s a lesson you have to learn yourself in order to realise it! πŸ™‚

  2. The first thing is that, it’s fine if you’re melodramatic Sulz. You’re just emotional and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. The person who accepts you the way you are is your true friend, not the one who expects you to change. There’s actually a dialogue from a popular Indian movie that’d explain. It says that the one should love you like the way you are. If someone asks you to change and then loves you, that’s not love. You are your own self Sulz, you’re your own person. You can’t become someone else. You lose yourself somewhere that way. Everyone has something good about them, everyone has something bad, and that’s the way it’s supposed to be. You’re emotional and melodramatic because you’re very sincere and warm in your relationships.

    And about identifying people, it’s not your fault again. I doubt if there’s been somebody who’s judged everybody correctly in their life. Everyone makes mistakes with other people during their lifetime.

    sulz: i guess i wasn’t in love with the guys i had romantic relationships with then, because i was pretty critical of some of their traits and hinted for them to lose those. πŸ˜›

    but thank you for your sweet words. *hugs* what a lovely son i have! πŸ˜‰

  3. What may look like a regret at one point of your life may turn out to be a blessing later on. It might turn out to be something completely different. So chill.

    sulz: you think? i hope so, then. nah, i’m not cool enough to chill, heh.

  4. You can expect to just feel good about your mistakes when they are still fresh and you’re feeling the consequences. I think I don’t subscribe to the idea of regret, but that doesn’t mean I get repeated d’oh s! everytime I remember something dumb I’ve done that has caused me to suffer in the present time.

    Had I worn my retainers when I was 7, I wouldn’t have braces right now. Then I look back, and, really, as a 7 year old I didn’t have the experience, conciousness that I have now… If I were 7 all over again, I’d also figure that the retainers were extremelly unconfortable and it was something I was being forced upon. That’s all that would matter, and I would have taken them off aswell. All leads to me having braces right now.

    You’re attempting to change things in the past by using tools you only have in the present, AFTER learning them because of those bad things that happened and a bunch of other experiences. You have to forgive youself, see the Sulz in the past who didn’t have these tools and realized she couldn’t have known.

    sulz: well, at least you have braces now. my teeth are beyond saving now. 😦 (you’ll be glad you wore braces now 10 years down the road!)

    ooh, touchΓ©. i guess i would repeat my mistakes again if i were to turn back time, wouldn’t i? i think i need a daemon (like lyra in his dark materialsthe golden compass movie).

  5. (You can’t expect to just feel good*)

  6. Yes, it’s good to learn from your regrets. If you learn from them, then you have nothing left to regret – problem solved!

    I think everyone probably has some regrets. It’s only human. I know I’ve done plenty of things that, looking back, were rather stupid.

    sulz: haha, what a way to put it! πŸ˜€ yeah, i forgot to touch on the inane and embarrassing stuff i did in this post that i utterly regret!

  7. So, what do you regret in the post, sulz? It’s a good post! We all have stuff we wish we didn’t do, and as you & others have said the good thing about that is to learn from it. I like what crazyasuka had to say. It’s much easier to forgive yourself if you realize you did the best you could with the information and understanding you had at the time. Of course you’d do it differently now, but you’re the now-you, not the then-you. Also, I have two friends in their 30s who have braces, so it’s not too late. However, your teeth are lovely, from what I’ve seen, anyway! AND, I think I’m too young to read this blog anymore. First, ish was your boyfriend, now he’s your son! Very shocking! We don’t approve of that sort of thing where I come from. πŸ˜‰ (I know, I’ve read all the threads about why that is…)

    sulz: thank you. πŸ™‚ she definitely had a point, but sometimes i wonder if i just refused to listen to common sense, like mistakes i did with my romantic relationships, not because i didn’t know what i know. (it’s almost the same anyway, since if i refuse to see something it’s like i don’t realise it).

    maybe it’s not too late, but i don’t have money for it, not right now at least with macau! meh, if you like dracula, sure they’re lovely. πŸ˜† oh no, ish was never my boyfriend! he tried to coax me, but he gave up, hahaha.

  8. well i don’t agree with you on some points. i think your reactions to certain situations are quite acceptable . after all we all are humans . but i feel life does not comes to a halt just because of a mistake . rather you should learn from that mistake and keep on moving . and never give a glance to the past because what it brings is only the regret for committing such mistake.
    so whether be it in your relationships(though i am too young to give my advice on such issues ) or your professional life ,never regret for anything because you never know that your past action may be aimed towards attaining a brighter tomorrow πŸ˜€

    sulz: i don’t think life comes to a halt from my mistakes either. i do admit that i dwell a little too much in the past though; perhaps that is me looking over my mistakes to make sure the lesson really sticks in my head? i see that i can’t blame myself then for my mistakes, because i still make then even when i should know better! but at the same time i still feel sad for something i wish had happened differently.

  9. thats the main point. you wish that things should have happened differently but you are forgetting that nothing is perfect in life . its just the human desire to make it perfect.

    sulz: i do not forget that nothing is perfect, but as you said, it’s the desire in me that wants it.

  10. gentledove said:

    Dear Sulz I’ve never believed that life was about deserving, but if it were you deserve success and happiness and I wish it for you.I think I am first on your guest blog.Have a lovely holiday.

    sulz: thank you, i would wish the same for you and all my friends. πŸ™‚ happy holidays to you too.

  11. Regret is a good thing it displays the person has a conscious. Just never let it take over your life. Change what needs to be changed that you are capable of changing. Learn to live with the rest ans always use the experience to increase your knowledge of self, the world around you and how the two interact. Life goes on.

    sulz: hmm, that’s quite true! good perspective. πŸ™‚

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