Problems. Troubles. Everybody in my life is having them, making my own pale in insignificance.
A friend’s decision to get married is opposed by every party involved and not involved. I must admit I stood in the opposition once, I was probably the most skeptical of her decision. The past few weeks, we spoke a lot through IM, and the more I hear about her relationship, the more I know she is steadfast in her decision, and I trust that her soon-to-be husband feels the same way. She isn’t stupid from being in love, and I believe that despite her having chosen a difficult path in life, she can achieve her goals because she’s determined and so is he. I just wish that people could be more supportive of them; I can see why people think it’s a bad decision, but it’s not their decision to make. If they think she’s making a mistake, then it is hers to make, isn’t it? If they do think what she’s doing will end up in failure, then shouldn’t they be there for her all the more, to help her pick up the pieces if it comes true as they predict? Even if she proves their predictions true, they have failed in their roles as people who supposedly care for her, who supposedly love her because they have not given her a chance.
Another friend has lost a loved one. The person departed means a lot to my friend; this is probably his worst fear coming true. I don’t know what he is going through now, and I can’t imagine the grief and longing he must be feeling from losing someone he loves so much. And he probably has to put up a strong front for the rest of his family, him being the head of his family. How can one appear strong when one has lost a person you love more than life itself, a person who inspires and motivates you, I have no idea.
What’s my problem?
Sigh, it’s so stupid in comparison. I am scared of Macau. I am missing someone terribly. People in my life need help, but I cannot help them, I am incapable.
You may think I am very open with my thoughts and feelings in my blog, but you don’t know how much I keep hidden. If I were to reveal what really troubles my heart, I would drive you away from the negativity and hopelessness. When friends come to me, it is for me to listen to their woes. And rightly so, because my troubles are really quite petty in comparison. They need to release their frustrations more than I do, and if my listening helps, I will listen.
I used to have someone who would listen when I need to speak. But I have lost that person for good, and it is not easy to find someone who you want you tell your troubles to. Not just any willing ears, but someone I feel I can trust not to take my little troubles like the little troubles they really are.
I feel so sad for my friends and myself. We all need help, but not just any offer of it. One needs support. One needs to let go. One needs to pick up the pieces and move on. We all need love, patience, understanding, kindness, encouragement, loyalty. I cry when I think of what my friends are going through. Not just because of what I imagine they must be going through, but because I know for all the sadness I feel for them, I cannot truly understand the pain they feel and the burden they carry in their weary hearts. And that is the saddest thing of all – knowing whatever you have to offer, it is ultimately not enough.