blogging gobbledygook and such

Friendships are Fragile

This year has been a tumultuous one when it comes to my friendships. I feel like I’ve lost more friends than I have gained new ones.

First, there are my former classmates who I have not been keeping in touch with. Among my 20-odd classmates, I am only keeping in active touch with 3: 9, JellyBean and Sushi. The others, well… I have not been in contact with them, and neither have they with me. You might say why don’t I make the first move? Simple; I don’t want to be disappointed, I don’t want to be rejected. The very fact that they aren’t keeping in touch with me makes me want to not keep in touch with them, do you get my drift?

Besides that, it’s not easy to keep in touch with people when the common thread that connects us has now broken. Most of my classmates, we are friends simply because we are classmates. We do not have anything in common other than that fact. Very understandable that we lose touch once class is over. But it’s sad, because I’ve gotten to know them over 3 years, and as a class, we were such amazing people… so much life, so vibrant, so loud. They made me look forward to class, even though class could be horribly dull or taught by a horrible lecturer. I was not close with most of them to begin with, but I’m glad I knew them. Sad that people I once laughed with, laughed at, talked with, gossiped with, bitched with, fought with, are now out of my life as easily as they came into it by being my classmate. It’s as if what we shared had not much meaning at all…

Also, there’s that guy I used to be involved with. I care about him very much but it hurts to be friends with him. Other than the fact that I still have feelings for him, I also feel he doesn’t quite care about me. It’s perfectly understandable, though, because he is having some personal problems and so is going through an emotionally difficult time. I understand that, but the part of me that still likes him doesn’t. All that said, I still miss his friendship. We used to have really absurd conversations online.

Then, there’s the rather recent falling out between me and two good people, regular readers here, as most of you would know. Do I regret what happened? One part of me misses their friendship – the part of me that remembers the part of them that was nice and kind to me. Another part of me does not regret what happened because I felt I wasn’t fairly treated, not the way one would expect from people who were friends. (I’m not saying that I was faultless in what happened between us.) That said, it still saddens me a lot. Not specifically the loss of their friendships; I’m referring to the fact that how we found a lot of things in common, and how the friendship was built upon those common threads, but it crumbled because of one thing we disagreed.

Friendships are so fragile. Just like a thread, the similarities will connect you with the other person. Just like a thread, once it snaps, once what you have in common is gone, the friendship is most likely to drift away too… One disagreement can be like a pair of scissors which cuts the thin thread, the cord of friendship broken.

Comments on: "Friendships are Fragile" (16)

  1. lovelyloey said:

    Yes, I agree, most friendships arise out of being in the same situation/context, e.g. school. Once school is over, we realize each of us have different lifegoals and pursuits that we have to part, and in doing that, if we don’t make an effort to update each other about our lives, these friendships are lost. 😦

    sulz: makes me appreciate family now! and also the friendships i still have. 🙂 in that sense, online friendships doesn’t require an outside factor thread to bind two people – it is purely the initiative of two parties to keep the friendship going. but that can be easily broken too if one party doesn’t value the friendship or has real life commitments that keep him or her away from the net for too long…

  2. Sorry to hear you so down – but I personally wouldn’t confuse online friendship with real friendship, it’s too distant and monosylabic to be anything ”real”, and there’s a distinct lack of problems which plague any real relationship, be it friend or otherwise.

    Frienships are fragile, but it sounds a little as if the fragileness is actually in you… would this be a fair comment?

    Good blog though. It seems authentic and is really well written.

    sulz: hmm, actually these days many people think that online friendships can be as genuine as the ones you cultivate in real life. and i tend to agree with that. but your point does stand too, i have made and lost many friends online, so i’m not sure if they thought of me as one to begin with. 🙂

    it would be fair if you could elaborate on it? i think i have an idea what you’re getting at, and i won’t disagree. 🙂

    that seems like a compliment, so i’ll say thank you. 😉

  3. nah! *handing over a rubic cube* 😛

    but yeah… keep the ones that last longer than the rest. quality, as they say, is often better than quantity.

    sulz: haha, you really believe in the powers of the rubic cube huh? i don’t even know how to play it! 😆

    true, true. quality will reveal itself in time!

  4. Thanks for the comment on my blog! Thats a lot of reading you just did…

    My idea/contention/whatever you want to call it is this: Online friendships are basically a construct of the mind. The person on the other end of the IM, blog, email, whatever, has, even if you have a picture, no face in reality.

    The point is about editing. Essentially, a person can be who they want to be online. I could write this comment over a course of hours using dictionarys and thesaurus’ and make myself sound like Albert Einstein if I wanted. In person, you get to know what REALLY makes a person who they are – their ticks, their flaws, how they look at you – there just is no online substitute for that.

    And it most certainly was a compliment. I really felt what you were saying.

    sulz: no problem – the title ‘free sex’ got to me. 😆

    you have a point about editing. and of course the online persona is going to be different than the real person, not because of editing per se. i’ve just recently met a blog buddy i have known for 2 years. was she as i expected? to some extent yes and to another no. it’s natural – you cannot possibly portray your entire self online, but your personality can come through, if anything. as for knowing people in person, sometimes there are sides to them i didn’t discover in the usual circumstance that i see them until i saw them in a different environment. would that mean these people are ‘editing’ or putting up a front? maybe, maybe not. it depends.

    haha, i was just teasing you ‘cos you used the word seem! 😛

  5. Yeah, you’re so right. I miss my school-friends too. We used to talk and talk all the time but now that all of them have gone to college in different cities, we hardly care. I haven’t talked to any of them, neither have they really contacted me. Funny how we make new friends in new places and forget the old ones. It’s just..I don’t know. It’s weird. And bad.

    It’s funny how you can be great friends and the slightest of misunderstandings can make you drift apart. One moment you’re inseparable. Next moment, you can’t face each other. Friendships are so fragile.

    sulz: oh, you are truly your mother’s son! i mean, we are kinda experiencing the same things, aren’t we? 🙂 but yes, it’s weird and bad. people who cared about me once, don’t care for me anymore.

    so, moral of the post is that you gotta take care of your friends! but not too much at the expense of yourself, of course. it’s one thing to try to keep a friendship, it’s another when you’re being made use of or unappreciated by people. but yes, i find it so inconceivable that people i was so close to, so close that i would tell them things i never told anyone else, but now they are like absolute strangers to me. inconceivable, but it still happens, sigh.

  6. I can really sympathise about the class bit. I’ve known the people from my Sixth Form for only 2 years, but it’s looking like I won’t see some of them again, and there are others I’m not sure I have anything in common with outside of school. It’s a sad thought.

    You’re right. Friendships can be very fragile.

    sulz: my sixth form was the same, except that i didn’t really make many friends then, so i wasn’t as bummed as i am about these classmates. so you should appreciate what time you have left with them! (that sounds as if they’re gonna die, but you get what i mean, right? 🙂 )

  7. “If a man does not make new acquaintance as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone. A man, Sir, should keep his friendship in constant repair.”
    – Samuel Johnson (1709 – 1784) British lexiographer.

    Still its really to sad to lose touch with old friends..and its heaven when one’s best friend is one’s sibling. No matter what u do, the cord can never break.

    sulz: great quote! and yes, still doesn’t make it any less a pity when the people we meet, we will part just as easily… yeah, or one’s spouse (though spouses can divorce). lucky people!

  8. Friendships don’t have inherent meaning until you give them meaning. That is, if you felt like your friendships were worth something (and it’s clear that you do), why don’t you just phone the people whose companionship you appreciated? Yes, the cord that binds friends together can be cut quickly, but a phone call or email can resurrect that bond just as fast.

    sulz: that’s true – there are people i don’t consider friends but i suspect they consider me theirs. well, as i said, i’m afraid of rejection and disappointment (stupid, but there you go). i’ve made plans to meet up with sushi and jellybean, and these are the ones i’ve kept in touch. let’s see if we do meet up! then maybe i’ll tackle the others. 😉

  9. Don’t worry… friends come and go, true friends remain forever! 🙂

    sulz: that means the true meaning of friends have really deteriorated! 😦 oh well, look at the rate of divorces, no wonder friendships don’t last these days as well!

  10. Hey Nikhil, unfair! I told you that over the phone and you jumped the gun?

    I re-claim ‘Friends come and go, true friends remain forever!’

    Yeah, so… I don’t think real friendships aren’t fragile. They protect your fragiltiy.

    (Bows to the crowd!)

    sulz: haha, okay the credit goes to you. 🙂

    hmm, good perspective, that!

  11. As sad and depressing as this may sound, people grow older, they move on. Like my psychologist said, relationships never last. I’d be very lucky if I stayed in contact with even a handful of mine. Again, c’est la vie 🙂

    sulz: so that means you’ll stop reading my blog soon yeah, as you’re growing older as we speak? 😦 i don’t believe relationships don’t last! family can last what.

  12. Ms.Johnny said:

    L, G, J, S, S [names edited for privacy!]….the only school friends that I still keep in touch with. I’ve known L, G & J since primary school. We’ve been through lots of things together, disagreement is one of them but somehow we still stick to each other after all these years. trust me when i tell you we even stop being good friends during teenage time & thought we found other good friends. But in the end…even after my transfer to Subang we are still close though we dont see each other as often as before. L is getting married end of this year, the main reason i’m going back to Sabah. G will attend the same convo with me, she is doing bachelor in education(english) in unitar sabah. J is completing her diploma in accounts soon, most probably working for oil & gas company in Labuan after graduation. you & S… there is just something bout you guys that i love being around with. Each of you did/say something to me that made me feel more confident with myself & made me as who i am today. I am grateful for all the good friends that i still have now.

    sulz: oh, so that’s the one getting married! wah, graduating with your friend, that’s nice (study hard oh!). haha, you’re the glue in our trio lah, seriously.

  13. There is only one cure for this series of events: A large sausage & bell pepper pizza, a triple scoop of ice cream drenched in hot fudge and slathered with dark cherry toppings, crushed nuts and marshmallow creme. Then finish up with an ice cold diet Mt. Dew.

    sulz: i don’t know if i’ve eaten bell pepper before. 😛 (yeah, i’m the kind who just puts food in her mouth and not know what exactly, as long as it tastes okay!) but pizza sounds nice, and ice cream! hot fudge is like chocolate, right? i’m game, of course. mountain dew is alright for me, but i rather wash the sinful indulgence down with water (seriously, i love water).

    … oh, gosh. i’ve just gained three pounds reading that and writing my reply. i hate you! 😀

  14. All in one go, Scoundrel? Are you trying to kill us all? I thought I had the remote with the Big Red Button, unless you’re proving me wrong 😛

    sulz: he must have had more harrowing experiences than mine to have even know what to suggest in times like this. 😉

  15. Why not all at once? 😉 As the song goes -I ain’t as good as I once was but I’m as good once as I ever was.

    Bell Peppers are tasty. I am not a big fan of them raw but I loved them cooked. They come in green, yellow, orange, red and purple. The red are the sweetest. I prefer them roasted until soft – especially on pizza. Sometimes I just toss them into a pan and fry them. Yum.

    sulz: oh, we call those capsicum! yes, i like them too, but i prefer the green ones. the red ones i might mistake for chilli, so i try to avoid them. 😀 haven’t tasted yellow ones before.

  16. Hi Sulz,

    I will not second you on this ‘Friendships are fragile’. Because I too have some differences with my friends but whenever I think of the times I enjoyed with them I call them and share it….. And also I will not miss their birthdays.. wishing someone on their b’day means a lot.. remembrance, caring,much more…

    So try the above things, then you will not be alone.. trust me.. thats my experience….

    Your blog is a very nice one. Such a straight forward things from you. If at all, I felt like you did, I will not posted the things… brave girl :).

    And one request for you from me…… I am just started blogging… so If you find sometime visit my blog and provide your feedbacks.. that will help me in a great way…

    sulz: i don’t know if it’s as simple as that, especially when females are involved. 🙂 but thank you for your perspective and compliment.

    i checked your blog out, but i’m afraid i don’t have much to say because it is quite indian-centric. i’m afraid i don’t know much about the goings-on in india! 😦

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