blogging gobbledygook and such

Of Being Stood Up

As well-aware you are of my terribly fun and fulfilling life at present (I apologise for whining lately, but this is the only space I can do so), there was this one tiny spark in it. I was supposed to have dinner with a few ex-classmates after work last Friday.

Yes, I’m sure you know it didn’t happen by the use of the word ‘supposed’. And the reason for that just made my blood boil. When I got the news, I immediately and furiously texted 9 because I was that upset. I was cursing, and 9 knows (and I’m sure you too) I don’t curse unless I’m pretty mad. I think I was more ugly mad than pretty mad, but anyway…

The dinner didn’t happen because what was supposed to be a gathering of 5 friends whittled down to just 2, then nothing. The first one backed out a couple of days before the dinner – very typical as this person is known for being unreliable like that. Okay, 4 friends left, we can still do this.

On the day of dinner itself, another friend said couldn’t go because… no transport. Yes, that was the reason. That person can’t drive, and the available family members who can drive couldn’t drive this friend that night. We last met during convocation, but we haven’t really sat down and talk and catch up with what’s going on between us. I’d have thought there might be more transport alternatives for a dinner that took over 3 months since college last ended to happen…

And then there were three. Okay, fine. Three’s a crowd, right? But I like crowds. I need a crowd, given my current circumstance. I need mayhem and raucousness and craziness only 3 people are capable of achieving. And with these two friends, I know we can. Between the three of us, we’d have so many stories to tell we’d be fighting to talk!

So I texted the other two to make sure the plan was still on. We arranged this dinner, like, 2 or 3 weeks before last Friday through Facebook. I started the message discussion because nobody would do it. I’ve been saying we should go out for dinner some time, and each person I’ve said that to said yes, but nobody actually arranges for one. Okay, fine, I’ll make the first move. And I made sure it’s planned in advance so that people will be able to mark it in their calendars, make space for this since it’s been, I don’t know, 3 months since we last really hung out?

The two confirmed it was still on. Every Friday at my workplace is Casual Friday, but last Friday I dressed up because I’d be going straight to the mall where we were supposed to have dinner. I even wore this bra that makes my boobs look slightly bigger than my other bras (because it had a space to put in chicken fillets – padding inserts, not literally chicken) but is a little too tight for me. Imagine this, me having to bear a pretty uncomfortable bra at work all day long…

Only to get a text message from one of them – who, having confirmed just hours before that dinner is still on, was now saying that no can do – this friend has just realised there was only enough money left in the purse for petrol.

I was hopping mad. I looked forward to this dinner for weeks, because I’d be able to hang out the bunch of people I was closest to in college. And they all very nicely agreed to earlier, but now bailed out at the very last minute. And they don’t say something like, I’ll arrange a dinner date with you soon. You know, like to make up for cancelling last minute. They say something like, I hope to see you some day... or When I have money I’ll join you guys

‘Scuse me?? I was really looking forward to this dinner, I anticipated a night of fun for myself after enduring days at a job I haven’t exactly fallen in love yet and having to experience fatigue from sitting down 9 hours a day… I need endorphins, DAMMIT.

I’m sorry, I’m probably overreacting over this. It’s not like they’re doing this for the third time or deliberately. They are good people. They’ve helped me out in college during difficult times. I enjoy their company. (Should I say enjoyed? Doesn’t seem like I’ll get to meet them again.) But I’m mad.

So it was just me and this friend, who was still up for dinner if I was. And guess what I did? I ended up bailing on her too. I feel bad about that, but I knew I couldn’t go to dinner with her with the way I was feeling. I was angry, I wanted to bitch, I wanted to be negative. And my friend doesn’t deserve such a bad company for dinner. So I told her that I didn’t want to go, and that I will arrange dinner with her another time.

This was the night that would feel like as if college didn’t end, that we aren’t apart like we are now. We should be laughing and cracking jokes only we can get because we’ve known each other for 3 years. When I planned this dinner, I even told them no last-minute cancelling unless it was pure emergency. You know, like having your car hijacked. Or giving birth. Or having your car hijacked while you’re on the way to the hospital to give birth.

I’m disappointed in these friends because I don’t think their excuses justify their last-minute cancelling. I mean, I had to endure a sufferable bra (okay, nobody made me vain but myself, but still!) and the other friend I bailed on even put make-up on for the occasion. We might have had to cancel or postpone other appointments for this dinner. And for what? Looks like we’re just a case of only if I have the right transport or only if I have enough money, which is no guarantee no matter how long you’ve planned this.

But I haven’t been in real touch with the ‘bailers’ to know if they were just being careless and ignorant or if those reasons were very valid. Maybe that one friend who didn’t have transport quarrelled with some family member and couldn’t ask for a ride and is afraid of taking a cab home late at night. Maybe the friend who was broke had to fork out money for something more important than a dinner. I don’t know.

Should I even bother to?

ps. How do you handle being stood up? I’ve never handled it well.

Comments on: "Of Being Stood Up" (13)

  1. “So it was just me and this friend, who was still up for dinner if I was. And guess what I did? I ended up bailing on her too.”

    o.O?? omg… evilz…

    if i were you, i would probably let it slide… and play a rubic cube! nah! *handing over a rubic cube* 😛

    sulz: well, if i did go to dinner with her, i think she wished she didn’t because i was really in a terrible mood. and i’m sure she knows when i’m in a bad mood, nobody should really be near me unless they’re are my boyfriend or best girlfriend. 😀

    not all life’s troubles can be solved by a rubic cube, you know. 🙂

  2. lovelyloey said:

    When I get stood up, I make darn sure the other party(s) know I’m pissed off and that they have to appease me. There are two things I hate about friends – those who are late, and those who stands up on me. I make a fuss usually.

    sulz: my case count as being stood up or not leh? i think being stood up literally means i’d be at the restaurant already, but still, so late minute… i was really upset last friday. 😦

    oh, i guess your friends are always punctual when they go out with you lor, hor? 🙂

  3. And then there were none! Yeah being stood up makes me mad! Canceling any plans that were laid out without real valid reasons – hopping mad as u say. Then, this is part of life. Cannot help it, we have to learn to deal with it. You should have gone with the last friend of yours. Had major fun the 2 of you and made the others regret for having bailed out!

    sulz: so how do you deal with yours? you’d have gone out with your friend if you were in my shoes, huh? i know i should, but at that point i was really down, not to mention tired from the day’s work. when i’m tired and upset, i have the tendency of putting my foot in my mouth, so didn’t want to risk that really.

  4. I don’t have any experience of being literally stood-up, but every time my friends and I decide to get organised and go somewhere, the cinema for example, a bunch of people end up dropping out because it’s not convenient or they’re taking a surprise holiday in Greece or they’ve decided to watch the movie on their own already or some other lame excuse and we never end up going anywhere. It’s really dissappointing and annoying, but I think it’s just one of those things that you have to put up with. Maybe next time someone suggests something like this, people will be more organised.

    sulz: exactly! oh, i’d be really annoyed if i were you. i’m not suggesting anymore, i don’t want to be disappointed. 😦

  5. This happened when I organized a high school reunion. Nobody showed up. The only good thing is that I didn’t care as much for this. I was kind of relieved when it didn’t happen.

    What did your friend say about you bailing on her? Did you explain why? or is she somewhere making a blog herself about this?

    sulz: why did you organise it then? well, she didn’t mention anything on her blog… yet. 😉 and i did promise to make it up to her by arranging another dinner. which i will!

  6. I don’t know! I talked about it with someone, and we were like “cool! lets do it”, then she stopped talking about it but I had already made the facebook event and people seemed to be interested…. I guess they really weren’t!

    sulz: that’s the thing about facebook – it gets people closer but only more superficially. i can’t decide if that’s good or bad. or good and bad. haha.

  7. As a professional stander-upper, I know how the other parties feel in this situation, as well as how you feel. The obvious conclusion is that they didn’t want to hang out with you in the first place, or were worried about how things were going to go. Take heart and just invite them to another gathering if they really mean that much to you. If not — move on and make new friends (easier said than done!).

    sulz: how much are your rates? 😉 wow, am i that bad a company? they should’ve just said no in the first place and spare me the heartache! 🙂 nah, i’m scarred from inviting. if people were to invite i wouldn’t say no…

  8. thebeadden said:

    I feel for you, sulz. A few of us were going to start getting together to do crafts, and I was so excited. But we haven’t done it yet. Life is so chaotic and busy, just managing to get a group together anymore is a feat in itself. I’m over it now.
    Sorry that it didn’t work out for you.

    sulz: thanks; i’m sure i’ll be over it myself too. 🙂 hope you manage to arrange your craft meeting one day! (soon, preferably, right?)

  9. I would have went out with the friend that could have made it. You cannot be responsible for the actions of others but you are responsible for the actions of yourself. And because you were mad at the others was no good reason to bail on your other friend. She was probably as upset about them all bailing as you were. At least as a twosome you could have bolstered each others mood and confidence.

    sulz: it was not the best reason to bail her, but if i did go i have a feeling i wouldn’t be the best company. i wouldn’t want to impose that kind of attitude i had on her. i guess i have to learn not to expect too much, then i wouldn’t be affected like this. or better still, not arrange such dates, then i won’t even have to expect! i wouldn’t have minded as much if i didn’t do all the arranging, i think.

  10. 😉 If you only hang around your friends when you are flying high then you are depriving them of being your friend during the bad times as well as the good. A friend has a right to see your good side as well as your bad. They may scold you for you attitude. On the other hand good-friends, like family, are there to help each other over the low spots of life.

    sulz: that is an interesting perspective… i always thought that it’s not good to show the other side of you. i think many malaysians think that way too. that’s why we (in the malaysian context) get uncomfortable with negative bursts of emotions, whether intended at us or otherwise. it’s also seen as a little embarrassing when you lose your temper.

  11. Well, personally I would have gone out with that friend as I wrote and had the time of my life with a vengeance 🙂 but I also understand why you did not go! Lousy moods can play havoc! Been there! Thank God for my friends who are really understanding and who stand every bit of my mood swings 😀

    sulz: i think you are not as moody as i am, so you would probably have had the time of your life to prove your point. 😉

  12. 🙂 Wow! I wish my closest friends heard that! 😀 😀 No, I can get into those moods that they cannot even respond to in any way! Especially off late with too many things happening in life!

    sulz: well, i reckon your closest friends would have a better idea of you than me, so perhaps my perception may not be so accurate. 😆 i know what you mean; i’m not that sort of person who is perpetually happy despite the odds. but i can be happy in the right company. 🙂

  13. […] happen, what with the terrible traffic jam and the previous appointment cancelled because people stood us up and I in turn got so upset I stood her up as well. Sorry about that, Sushi, and thanks for being […]

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