Life is one big social network. Six degrees of separation and all that. That means you would make friends with friends of your friends. Friends of your friends become your friends directly after that. Most of the time, people have no problems with that. They love it when their friends are friends with their other friends. It doesn’t have to be two different circles of friends anymore ‘cos it’s merged and moulded into one big circle of friends. Of course, who wouldn’t like it, if all your friends got along with each other, right?
What happens if they got along a little too well than you expected? Consider these situations:
1. Your friend dating your ex
2. Your two best friends liking each other’s company more than they with you
3. Your friend making friends with someone you dislike
When I was a kid, I had this friend who lived near my home. I would mostly go to her house to play because she wasn’t allowed to go out. The rare occasions that she could, she’d come to my house and play (where the toys are better, in my opinion, haha). I loved it when she came over, but I hated it if she started talking to my mother. For some reason, she got along with my mother better than I did. I didn’t like it because their conversation was eating in my playing time with her. Usually she didn’t have long to play with me, so my mother chatting with her made me annoyed. You might say I was jealous, but only because I wanted to play with her and not talk with my mother…
Throughout my many broken friendships in life later on, I would feel this many times over. As I grew up, I learnt to see the situation more rationally and not let my emotions get (too much) in the way of friendship. I mean, they have every right to make friends with whoever they want to, right, since I have that same right myself? Yet I still have this what Sushi calls feeling territorial thing.
In my blogging life, I’ve made friends with many of Ish’s (my son, lol) friends, who I suppose stumbled over after seeing my comments in his blog. Well, I wouldn’t give entire credit to him for the many Indian blog buddies I have, but I would say that he was a big factor of that happening. 🙂 And I notice some of my blog buddies are friends with each other. I won’t name names, because it is just my assumption, and I’d like to think that I had something to do with it. 😛 In this case, I don’t feel territorial whatsoever.
But there are some friendships in my life at the moment that I feel territorial about… again, not naming names. I think I feel like this because I either like this friend very much and feel threatened by the other party, or because I thought we were close and that I have her loyalty. I’m not saying that liking another friend better than me is being disloyal; I believe that there are ways to show a friend that you appreciate her friendship, even if you do like the company of another friend better.
Is it really petty to feel this way? I know I don’t feel like that with all my friends who are friends through my introduction (or I like to think so, haha). But some friends bring about this territorial feeling. I do know why, I think, and I have reasons that seem to justify it… But is feeling territorial ever justified??
If yes, does that mean there are relationship boundaries? I mean, of course you can’t go around sleeping with people’s spouses or significant others, that’s basic. What about the three situations I’ve named above? Or do you have a situation in mind that requires subtle boundaries?
If no, why not?