blogging gobbledygook and such

Morbid Thought

I watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy recently. Part of the story that day was about a patient of Dr Grey and Dr Shepard who had a brain tumour that could cause hallucination, among other symptoms. The patient wanted to wait for her boyfriend to come to the hospital to hear what the doctors had to say about her tumour and what they were going to do with it. The problem was that her sister, who was there with her, told the doctors that nobody had ever met this boyfriend before. (The patient met him on a cruise trip.) No pictures, no physical evidence to actually prove this guy existed.

So of course the doctors deduced that it could be a hallucination caused by the tumour. The patient insisted that he was very real. She asked for more time before she goes for surgery – her boyfriend would be at the hospital by 3 p.m. But ‘he’ didn’t show up when 3 p.m. came. The patient wept as she was finally convinced by the doctors that he was a hallucination, a figment of her imagination caused by the tumour.

The sick and ironic part was that, her boyfriend was real! He showed up at the hospital late. It was too late, because the surgery was not successful. The patient would not wake up to find that she did not hallucinate her boyfriend. She died thinking that he never existed…

I cried at that. Imagine someone you are in love with turns out to be a figment of your imagination. That you long so much to be in love that your subconscious makes you believe in the existence of something unreal. Even worse, imagine that the person you love died thinking you didn’t love him or her because s/he thought you never existed.

This is not directly related, but it makes me think that if I should die now, I would like to have only certain people to attend my funeral. I would have a list of people I’m sure love me. Those not in the list cannot come to my funeral because I’d have died thinking that they didn’t care about me. I don’t want people I consider as practically strangers to come to my funeral…

Of course, the real joke would be if some of the people in that list didn’t come… I’d have died thinking they cared.

Though I do realise the ability to make it to my funeral does not necessarily prove their love for me…

You know what? I’d love it if I could tell when my time is coming, so I can have a pre-death party in which people talk about me as if I died. Because that’s when they wax lyrical about you, isn’t it? They don’t say they love you when you’re alive, but only after you died. They don’t say that they were proud of you, or that your presence made a difference in their lives, or that you mattered in their lives.

So I’d like a pre-death party so that I know what would happen in my post-death party…

Okay, silly morbid thought over.

Comments on: "Morbid Thought" (10)

  1. Folks, this is why you don’t watch awful TV shows like Grey’s Anatomy. It corrupts your brain.

    sulz: hahaha! but it’s so fun to watch!

  2. I wrote a post like this over the summer. I am a wife to a funeral director. Death is a part of our every day lives. It’s interesting seeing how people act after their love ones die. Especially when it is sudden.

    Here’s my post. It’s healthy to think about death. I love Grey’s Anatomy. Some of their stuff is cheesy but I love it!

    sulz: i read your post and i love your idea of a funeral! so if your life like the show six feet under? hehe… yeap, i always could never resist medical dramas. 😛

  3. I think I have seen that episode. It was sad. Just to let you know (am in a disagreeing streak here I suppose! 🙂 Bear with me….) those attending your funeral (whenever it might be…) come there more to be supportive of those you leave behind – those who would be grief-stricken. Yeah, it might also be out of love/respect/ duty …but the concept is to be there for the others. Or so my mum used to tell me. She says it is not important if you attend happy events but is necessary to be there when something sad happens to show that the other can depend on you.
    Me personally I just hope I don’t die alone and have my corpse stink to high heavens before some one finds it and cremates it! I don’t really care who comes to the funeral – well I am not there anyways! 🙂
    Ok…my bit of morbidity is over 😀

    sulz: i respect your opinion and i can see that you definitely have a valid point! as it is, already i don’t think i’ll be at my own funeral in spirit, which is why i’d like a pre-death party. 😆

    oh, that’s simple – just don’t live alone. 😛

  4. Sheeshh! A pre death party! Get back to work lady!

    sulz: it’s precisely that that’s causing me to get all weird like this! i’m facing serious stress here…

  5. Geez, sulz, that really is morbid! What a depressing sounding episode.

    I’d hate to know when I was going to die. I don’t think I could stand it!

    sulz: i think the new job is driving me crazy with stress. 🙂 me too probably, but i guess if you’re old you’re sort of expecting it! 😉

  6. gentledove said:

    Bloody ‘ell Sulz I hope you soon get over this one, me mum is on her way, you,d better practice ducking 😮

    sulz: it’s over now that i’ve posted it! 🙂 why, does your mom have a thing against dying?

  7. In answer to the next post – I’d comment, but whenever people get serious I get scared to comment, because I deal in inanity… so when you’re talking about death I don’t feel like there’s anything I can say of value on the topic. That’s not to devalue your posts! – they’re still wonderful – I just read in awed silence rather than awed talk-a-lot-mode. I’m still here, still reading, though! 🙂

    Suzy x

    sulz: i know what you mean (likewise i with your blog), 🙂 but it’s hard of think of my writing as being awe-some!

  8. That episode of Grey’s was sad. Cruel people who wrote it. 🙂 I was pretty sure he wasn’t real… and when he showed up… Crap!

    I think there’s no way to think about death stuff when you’re dead, so you gotta do it while you live! I think what you were thinking here is perfectly understandable.

    I’m sorry I haven’t been commenting. I have read all your posts, I just don’t know what to say – to anyone lately. Don’t give yourself such a hard time. First of all, like you said: There’s no time to do it all at the same time. With all the new things you’re doing now it’s normal that you feel anxious over it. Just give yourself time to adjust. I don’t think your readers will go anywhere.

    sulz: you watched that one too? that was one of the saddest things i’ve seen on tv. 😥

    haha, good point!

    likewise – i have you on my blog surfer. 🙂 i know you’re having a rough time yourself! what to say… chin up? 🙂

    that’s the thing, i’m not sure if i’m given time to adjust. they keep warning me that i have to do things quick because deadlines are short and that’s the nature of this job. but i can’t do something quick without being careless. 😦 hence all the stupid mistakes!

    as for the readers… i hope so. i’ve lost too many friends this year already.

  9. Commenting here because you blocked comments on the other post!

    Just want to say don’t give up, don’t be alone, be with some friends after work time, keep yourself occupied with other stuff outside of office and don’t give yourself more than 30 mins of idle time! Things will get better, you are a woman of steel (dont ask me how I know, I know!).

    Btw, number of comments doesn’t mean anything, there are lots of readers out there that don’t comment after reading a post, people are getting lazier by the day! Your blog is as good as ever, keep updating, for now though, you can take a break, guess thinking of positive stuff to write on your blog itself is giving you some unneeded pressure!

    sulz: thanks for the kind words… 🙂

  10. well i got to do this.
    this comment if for the post “burn out”
    sulz why are you looking so depressed and lost? i know that it might be difficult to handle everything simultaneously but my advice to you is to do those things which you feel you can do most proficiently. also blogging is just another way to release your stress and express yourself . we all are here to help you and give suggestions . and as far as the dropped rate of your comments are concerned i think you had better keep it up by posting refreshing post (anything fun and casual) ….so get out of this depression phrase… and look ahead there is a better and brighter world awaiting for you 😀

    PS – as a reader i had request you to turn on the comments on the post(need not reply if you are not willing to) .
    thanks 🙂

    sulz: thank you for the advice… 🙂

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