blogging gobbledygook and such

Job Jots

1. I’m going through the same cycle as I did with my previous job. I’m beginning to fall in love with the job, but not the colleagues. Despite several incidents, these colleagues are still friendlier than the previous workmates, and the fact that they mostly converse in Cantonese makes a difference to me because even though I don’t join in the conversation, I can learn more about them by listening to what they talk about. I just don’t see them as people who make me look forward to come to work…

2. Therefore, I’m resigned to the fact that I’m not going to find a friend at work. I’m becoming more settled at the job, but I have figuratively one foot in and one foot out… still scouring the classifieds but nothing seems better than what I have at the moment, which itself is far from my dream job! I’m willing myself to be patient; either I will learn to love my job better or something better will indeed come up, and I will decide when I cross that bridge.

3. Today my boss returned some write-ups I did for a corporate newsletter and gave some encouraging comments, despite the pages being given back with a considerable amount of red ink on it!πŸ™‚ To be fair, there were some he didn’t touch at all, which either means he thinks it is up to mark, or he rushed through reading them and didn’t scrutinise what mistakes I might have committed.πŸ˜† Anyhow, I’m starting to think writing is probably my best asset… which means when I quit for my next job, it should be for a writing job. No more editor jobs, and no teaching jobs at the moment. I’ll leave that dream for another day.

4. I’m trying to improve my social situation, since I’m clearly not going to get any from work. I wanted to sign up for a class at the British Council, but they only have one weekend class and I can only attend it if my entrance test indicates that is my level. The test costs RM100. Which means if I belong in some other level that doesn’t have a class on weekends, I’d be wasting that money because I don’t want to go on weeknights. After work, I’m ready to crash into bed at 9pm! (Not that I do… I manage to last until 9.15pm sometimes!) I want to attend a language class again (French or Italian, no Spanish… bad associations which I shan’t elaborate) but again, class on weeknights. They promised to call me when they have a weekend class though. So far, no luck in my attempts…

5. I used to go through what I call blogging blocks, in which I do want to blog but I cannot find inspiration. The desire is there, but not the idea. I used to fret when that happened; I get anxious when I don’t update within 3 days. Now… I actually don’t give a shit when 4 days has passed and nothing is coming to me. I find what’s happening to my love for blogging scary. I love to write, and I love to talk about myself, but I feel like I’ve been navel-gazing too much and I don’t want to do that. But I seem to have lost the spark, where something heard in passing on the radio, or a random conversation with a friend would inspire me to ponder more on something universal and in turn it into a post, where I ask what you think about it and learn from all the different perspectives you might have to offer. And I have a nagging feeling that work has a lot to do with my growing indifference towards bloggerdygook

6. I still get flashes of what the fuck am I doing with my life? moments, but nothing like my breakdown one Monday ago. I guess it’s stemmed from my dissatisfaction of my work relationships. I want to have friendships like I had back in college. I want to go to work with friends. I want to be surrounded by people I trust and whose company I enjoy and whose talents I admire. But that’s very idealistic of me, isn’t it? It’s not going to happen.

Instead of trying to fight for that feeling, I’m resigned to my circumstances now. (Which may not necessarily be a bad thing; sometimes when you stop struggling, other things happen more easily that way.)

Comments on: "Job Jots" (8)

  1. Ditto !

    sulz: which part?

  2. Glad to here u have started liking your job. Dont worry about blogging blovcks. Blogging should be a passion, a hobby not like a job. so blog when u feel like it.

    sulz: yeah, but it seems like i’m not liking blogging very much lately, that’s what i’m worried about!πŸ™‚

  3. This is very true (last paragraph). Letting go of those fears and anxieties can help give you more room to function better.

    I don’t have any significant connections with anyone at my work with the exception of one person who I knew way before the both of us got the job, and who helped me get the job. For the most part, I’m just happy I have the job and use whatever I can to make it easier and more fun for me.

    #5 actually clears up some things in my head about finding inspration for my own writing. Anyway, I think that all good things need a little breather every now and then to get the fire rekindled. Remember, energy cannot be destroyed…πŸ˜‰

    Echo

    sulz: i hope so!πŸ™‚ so are you enjoying work better than me? hah, energy is not the word to describe me or my love for blogging. it’s more like how a human needs to eat, and so sulz needs to blog.πŸ˜†

  4. “…and no teaching jobs at the moment. I’ll leave that dream for another day.”

    OK OK. Sushi gets the hint : No more suggesting Sulz come to work with yours truly!πŸ˜‰

    sulz: well, i would never say never. who knows if things change for the worse at the office and i need to get out asap? your offer may seem quite tempting then.πŸ˜‰ till then… i want to see if i can make it, writing for a living!

  5. thebeadden said:

    I have been reading your blog on my surfer and am happy to hear you are making strides at work.

    I really do enjoy following your life, Sulz. πŸ™‚

    sulz: i didn’t know that! thanks for telling me. *hugs*πŸ˜€ hope life is treating you well over there!

  6. 1. Smaller amount of people means lesser chance for friendship, but, it’s good they are friendlier.
    2. Patience! Good for you!
    3. Very interesting, as you thought you’d be a teacher, and that you might like editing. It’s a great opportunity to learn what suits you!
    4. I’ve made most of my friends through classes and workshops (and blogging, hehe). I think it’s a wonderful way because you start out by sharing interests, like your love for languages.
    5. Oh, I hope work isn’t negatively affecting your blogging, as I know how much you love it here. I’m going through an emotional readjustment regarding blogging, lately. I think we change and our blogging changes with us. I also think you will adapt your blog to the ways you are changing. It’s really OK not to post every day, too!
    6. I do think it’s great to stop struggling, but I don’t agree that what you want is unrealistic. I think it will come, as long as you know what you want—but it might arrive in unexpected ways.
    Hmmm—bloggers block? You did a great job with this, very insightful. *Hugs* and all goodness to you!

    sulz: friendlier, but there’s still a palpable barrier.πŸ™‚ hah, i’m not counting on it to last very long – my impatience is legendary! i do want to be a teacher, but since i chose this path, i want to go on it some more first… yeah, but i need to attend classes first! not that i have the money if there’s one, haha… i’ll scrounge up the pennies when the times comes though, of course.πŸ˜† i’m sure you can tell how resistant i am to change! how unexpected they come, it’s fine – just as long as i can recognise it for what it is! meh, i wished it were a bit… cheerier! (ahem, toucheπŸ˜€ )

  7. I think you’re getting into your stride now as far as work goes, and it will only get better.

    I went through phases of #5 in my first year of blogging, when I had lots of schoolwork, and I would go weeks without posting, although I guess that’s not really the same thing, since you’ve been blogging for much longer. I hope you can still enjoy blogging, because as far as I can tell, your blog is still very much on form.

    Good luck with everything! I’m sure everything will fall into place soon.

    sulz: i just had a tough, busy period at work just now and man, do i feel exhausted. i shouldn’t have skipped lunch break to finish the work.πŸ˜• anyway, i’m not so positive now – that work that drained me was from a client i dislike! really gives me a headache, the work he does… anyway, that reassures me somewhat that my blog doesn’t seem too different to you and a few others! i do notice that it’s taken a twist for the gloomier, actually… i used to be very cheery and at one point almost high!πŸ˜† now…

    yeah, i suppose i’m still adjusting to working life, hence the dissatisfaction!

  8. I prefer to keep the colleague-relationship at work (at bay) or on a more professional level. I guess it keeps me grounded and I tend to focus better on my job and not mingle into any problems or office politics. I know, it is difficult for a chatter-box like me. But I find it beneficial not to mix friends in professional and social life. It can make or break ones concentration or career. Been there, done that before.

    You are blogging strong dear. It’s common to go through the blogging block or freeze some times. Especially during career change or other important commitments or transitions. It’s also a busy month for me, and a few months ahead. I have made peace with myself that I would at least try to blog bi-weekly, that’s the least. Keep up with the good job. Am happy to know you are doing great at workplace!

    sulz: you have a point, for sure. i’m not necessarily looking for a shopping buddy at work, but it would be nice for me if i could find someone to rant to about work. right now, i don’t dare do that in fear they’re going to pass what i said around, sigh… anyway, thanks for the word of encouragement!πŸ™‚ not doing great at work yet, but i like some parts of it, at least!

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