blogging gobbledygook and such

Yes, I’m that person who, when attending a party or social gathering of which she does not know anybody except the host, would not talk with anybody except the host unless spoken to. I would be that person who wanders about the house, pretending to be very interested in the details of the cracks on the wall and the contents of the refrigerator, if I can get away opening it without seeming too much of a social misfit. Though being caught opening said fridge would label me as such already in most cases.

Why do I get myself into such things? Because I would never say no to an invitation if it was given by someone I love and respect very much. Otherwise, sod off. I’d name any disease that comes to mind or come up with a very creative and convincing excuse if it warrants that – and believe me, I can lie very convincingly when I put my mind to it – to get me off coming to your party. I would never do that if I like you, even if I have to come to the party alone, even if I would spend the day dreading your party because I’d be going alone. Unlike many of my friends, I do not have the luxury of a human accessory to bring to parties like this – as in, a boyfriend.

So please, don’t ask me to mingle around when you catch me playing Tetris on my cell phone. Don’t tell me that your other guest who does not know anyone else besides you, the host, mingles around too and so I should be like this person.

I am not your other guest. I am not as attractive, or as skinny or confident or poised. I do not know how to strike up a conversation with a total stranger, what more total strangers who all seem to know each other and are talking among themselves with the kind of comfort and ease of people who have known each other for a very, very long time and would not appreciate some stranger, such as myself, to butt in the conversation in a pathetic attempt to fit in.

I know I am socially retarded, which is why I neatly avoid most occasions which require me to perform social acts like talking to strangers. So forgive me if I’m horribly rusty from that act because I avoid said social situations and therefore revealing myself as a social retard. Forgive me for not making small talk with your relatives who are all talking among themselves, even though I’m so clearly alone in the next armchair. I only thought of not declining your invitation by accepting it. I did not know I need to boost your hosting ego by pretending that I fit in with the people in your party to make you feel like a successful host who doesn’t need to babysit any social misfits for guests.

And please, don’t tell me to be less socially retarded. It’s so easy to tell me to smile and open my mouth and ask general, inane things to people I won’t ever see again (until next year perhaps, if I get invited again, which I doubt after my pathetic social performance). It’s so easy to say that if I try, people are more likely to respond in return.

It’s not so easy for me, because I know my social ineptness isn’t just a cause, it’s a symptom of something much more problematic. It’s an obvious sign of a lack of self-esteem and all that shit that comes along with it when you were constantly told as a child that you’re hopeless, fat, dumb, lazy, ugly, disgusting and a lot of other unsavoury things that do nothing to build your self-confidence. It’s not so easy for me because the very rare moments when I did try, it just failed and it made me feel worse than if I were to keep my damn trap shut or stuffed with food. It’s not so easy for me when everybody around me did not come to the party alone and therefore they look like they’ve graduated magna cum laude in mingling. It’s not so easy for me when I clearly need help in the socialising department and you are telling me to deal with it on my own.

Merry fucking Christmas, everybody. Don’t invite me to your parties.

Comments on: "I’m Socially Retarded, Sue Me" (22)

  1. tell me about social retardation
    i am invited to Christmas parties even by unknown people, the curse of being a doc in a small town, so i have to show up looking good, pretend to enjoy the crappy songs and the food, hum and haw when total strangers introduce themselves to me in languages i don’t understand.

    only good bit is the food , i must admit

    sulz: hey, at least people come up to you, you don’t have to look like a total prat like i did. and you’re respected! even though your situation is quite awkward too, i’ll concede. 😀 frankly, i rather skip the food if i don’t enjoy myself…

  2. I forced myself. I drank really fast on purpose. You know the outcome.

    You don’t have to be a social butterfly. I used to feel absolutely awful, thinking something was wrong with me for not being social. Hey, I’m not social ok? Nothing is wrong. We need our own party Sulz. We’ll have meaningful conversations and good food. Or we can kiss strangers or flash them on webcam… random. Shh.

    sulz: how meaningful is that with strangers to kiss and flash?? 😆 unless they’re strippers in costumes, invited by us. :mrgreen:

  3. how can you think of striking a conversation without knowing somebody?
    i would regard such person a pest ( in indian slang its called “chipku” )
    so i think its better to be socially retarded than being a “chipku” ! 😆
    what say? and better search the fridge…….might be you discover some good chunks of chocolate 😛 had love to invite y
    and i had love to invite this retard to my party! the more the retards the merrier 😛

    sulz: okay, note to self – do not strike up conversations with strangers in india or else be labelled a chipku! 😀

    ah, no, don’t invite me. i’m what in english they label as a party pooper. 😥 oh well!

  4. Thats what causes holiday stress I guess. Too much pretences and formalities.
    I can understand your feeling. Thankfully I never had to go any party till now where I didnt anyone except the host.

    sulz: and if you are ever in such a similar situation, remember my story and be warned! 😛 i don’t recommend being a social retard like me, it makes life difficult for myself, sigh.

  5. I hate those types of parties. I can do the talking to random people thing though. But I don’t particularly enjoy it. Unless I’ve had a few drinks, in which case I’ll talk endlessly to anyone, even if they don’t respond!
    That sounds to me like a very poor host. They invited you, it is the hosts duty to make sure that you are introduced to some people who you have a chance of striking up a conversation with. And, ideally the host should check back on you at intervals throughout the evening.
    You are not at fault here Sulz! They are, they should have helped you to feel at ease, not abandoned you in a room full of total strangers! Bunch of bastards…

    Hope you have more fun over the rest of the holidays.

    sulz: i didn’t see any drinks yesterday. 😦 but i drove, so… i haven’t been to many parties, thanks to my reticent nature, but the very few that i’ve been to where i only know the host, they’ve always expected me to entertain myself. i haven’t really had a host who introduced me to people. i think the hosts think it’s weird to have me talk to total strangers too! 😆

  6. This is so me. I’m hopeless at those kinds of parties. I can’t mingle, and I hate introducing myself to strangers. I’m fine if somebody else starts talking to me, because I’m good at listening, but otherwise, I’m useless.

    I generally grab a plate of food, sit down near the most familiar people and wait to be spoken to. If that fails, I tend to sit on my own in the hope that someone will introduce him- or herself. This seldom works.

    It sounds like you had a really depressing experience at a party, and I’m really sad to hear that. It doesn’t sound like very good hosting to just tell people to mingle and expect them to get on with it.

    On the other hand, even though you obviously have no obligation to be more socially adept, you might enjoy yourself more if you were. It hurts when people put you down, but you know that you’re none of those unsavoury things, so you should maybe try to remember that you are a strong person and that if you are polite and friendly to other people, they’ll hopefully respond the same way. If they don’t, they’re not the sort of people you want to mingle with.

    If all else fails, my (perhaps not very sensible) strategy would be to get as drunk as possible as quickly as possible. If you’re not likely to see any of the people present again, they’re never going to be able to remind you of the time you were ragdolling all over the place and blurting out innapropriate non sequiturs. You’ve got nothing to lose at that point!

    Sorry, rambling. Anyway, I hope you’re OK, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the festive season. Best wishes. *hugs*

    sulz: but you’re so darn cute you needn’t worry, i can see girls coming up to you with glee. :mrgreen: anyway, this is exactly how i felt. i’d have sat with familiar people except nobody was. 😦 so i sat alone in a large, empty table. and yeap, didn’t work.

    oh well, it was only an hour of my pathetic life. 😆 i just don’t know how to be friendly with strangers. i don’t know what to ask, i feel embarrassed with forced conversation. i just don’t believe in the concept in itself, and it’s hard to fake something you don’t believe in…

    there weren’t any drinks to be seen! it was filled with kids of all ages, that was probably why. 🙂

    *hugs back!*

  7. Give me names & numbers and I’ll make all those hosts go away 😛 Thanks for the holiday greeting on Buddy Press (which I find to be very socially retarded, BTW. I mean, Buddy Press is socially retarded; not the message ya left. O Gawd, now I sound like a social retard).

    sulz: rotfl, you’re not by chance related to the godfather, are you? 😉 you’re welcome and to think that we were waxing lyrical of buddypress just a few days before that. :mrgreen: social retards unite! or at least be friendly to one another in parties. 😀

  8. Ah…this is why people get stressed during the holidays. The formalities, the fake smiles & conversations with people as you say you probably would never meet till the next awkward party!!

    I probably cannot relate much cos I have not been to such parties, though I don’t know what I would do when I am!

    Hope your Christmas went well and wish you a very happy new year. Did you get your shopping done or is it reserved for the Chinese new year?

    sulz: apart from the hair-tearing frustration of christmas shopping. 😉 well, tell me when you finally get to experience that! it’s impossible you won’t go through this at least once in your life. 😛 it was alright. 😐 i’m quite broke from book shopping, so am waiting for the paycheck to splurge for the rest of my new room’s furniture. 😀

  9. ah nah! its actually not safe …thats what i feel ….you cant easily trust anyone 😛
    no, i had still invite you ….and you dont look like a party pooper 😛

    sulz: hmm? true, i’m learning the hard way how untrustable people can be… including online buddies! hehe. 😛 well, if i ever have the opportunity to visit india you shall see! 😆

  10. oh yes…..always play it safe…….moreover internet is such a vulnerable domain !
    you know ………i too realized it soon….i told you about that plagiarizer..he actually hurled abuses on being approached so politely …i was shocked.

    surely 😛

    sulz: people do that on the road all the time. when you honk them because they’re at fault, they would most likely glare at you because you had the audacity to honk them! just ignore him or better still, try reporting him!

  11. Ms. Johnny said:

    i wonder who’s party was it….

    sulz: i’ll let you guess. 🙂

  12. Sweetie, I don’t know who you are most mad at: your host(s)? the other guests?—You?
    I won’t lecture you :mrgreen: but I will tell you two stories from my holiday gatherings this year:
    On party I was invited to, and I went. These were people I see a lot in my life, and I knew I would know people there. I talked to a woman who said her husband didn’t feel well, so he didn’t come, but if he was there he’d probably stay in a corner and not talk to many people other than her! I told her I could relate! I’m usually OK for about a half-hour at these things; then I want to eat, and then I want to go home! I don’t mind talking to people for a little while; then, unless I know them well, I start to get tongue-tied and run out of things to say. But at least there were people I knew.
    The other gathering was an annual holiday party, and I got invited for the third year in a row. This is a married couple I used to see quite a lot, but we have gone in different directions the last couple of years. She is very social and makes great lasagna! 🙂 She invites me because her daughter is home for the holidays and I’m closer to her daughter’s age than some of her other friends. (I know you think I’m old, but there are people even older!) 😉 I like the daughter, but I only see her this once a year. She is fine talking to other people, and is mostly there to see her parents. I wouldn’t know many other people there at this point. So, I decided not to go this time. I didn’t feel comfortable accepting hospitality from someone I don’t see or would reciprocate the rest of the year.
    I think (as you know) that each of us has to decide what would make us feel best in each situation. If we’re not at least that selfish, we’re not much good to others, either.
    Anyway, (and here I’m being old again) 😛 I hope you can forgive yourself and everyone else involved. It is an emotional time of year. It WILL get better, I promise!!!
    ***Holiday Hugs***

    sulz: i guess i’m mad at all of us, myself included. me because i suck at anything social and my host for forcing me to be social when i am not. the other guests, well… i can’t be mad, can i? they’re not obligated to talk to me.

    i am mad at the host because i only went to the party because i was invited. i hadn’t spent time with this friend since last year, so i thought this would be a good opportunity to catch up. i wasn’t expecting my friend to entertain me the whole night, but i thought we could have at least talked. i suppose my friend was too busy with other guests to sit with me a little while. we didn’t really talk. not about my job, not about my friend’s life… i was only asked to eat and mingle.

    i suppose it was naive of me to expect that when my friend was much too busy handling the party. come to think of it, i don’t remember us ever talking that much in those parties – the previous years that i was invited to there were other friends who were going. this year i was alone.

    i feel bad after my outburst here. this is a friend i still care for and is a good-hearted person. i wrote this in the heat of the moment, as you might be able to tell. i like to go to parties, really! (err, when i know more than just the host, that is!) it gives me an excuse to dress up. 🙂 and pig out!

  13. I am so much like this. I know what you mean, I play snake and make myself drinks whenever I am in a party where I do not know anyone except the host.

    I at times sit and watch what people are doing and in a way ‘acting’

    sulz: make drinks? surely the drinks are made by the time you’ve reached the party? or are you playing the ‘help the host’ game? 😛

    i’d do that people watching bit, except nobody else was doing it so it’d be a bit obvious!

  14. *Holiday hugs* and cheer for Sulz 🙂 Life isn’t all that bad. Try to have fun with good memories. I won’t lecture you, I am not good at it 🙂 I just try to mingle with guests and form a conversation. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn’t. If latter, I always try not to let it bother me. Life’s too short, have fun! Happy 2009 and many more parties in future!

    sulz: well, it felt quite bad at the time! i’m much to easily bothered, as you can tell, sigh. happy new year to you too. i hope i know people other than the host at these parties! 😛

  15. You must learn to make small talks. Even I am not very good at those but now I am starting to learn. It helps sometimes because you stay in people’s memories and you never know when someone may be able to help you or might become your good friend. 🙂
    Anyways, Happy New Year and have fun!

    sulz: i know i do, but at the same time i needed some help. i didn’t feel i was getting any of that from my host, which really frustrated me because i came there as a friend, not merely a guest. i suppose i went for the wrong reasons really, sigh. 😦

  16. Robert Craig said:

    Hi guys, please excuse me for butting in, but I have a few thoughts on the situation..Now see, I would never say that if I were around a bunch of people, but it was easy for me to say on here..why is that? Just because I am talking on the computer instead of face to face?… I don’t know..I guess I may be thinking that if I said something and someone thought it was stupid and made a smart elick remark to me or a comment and everyone started laughing or something like that at least there is no one here but me to see how embarrassed it made me feel……but I do know a few things from reading everyones comments… that each and every one of you are very intelligent, It sounds like everyone has alot of compassion, and empathy towards other people and I would even say that you all are very Cool…anyway I enjoyed reading your thoughts…I hope all of you are out partying tonight it’s still early so get on out there and let people see how cool you are…I guess that I will stay home…

    sulz: thanks for commenting. why will you stay home?

  17. Wow, this is exactly how I feel about myself. I’ve been introverted my whole life and when I’m put into a situation that requires me to be social to fit in I don’t perform well at all. Its not like I’m afraid to talk to strangers, its just that I simply don’t know what to say or talk about. My inability to be social has hindered me in many ways. I lost many opportunities like making new friends, hook-ups etc and I always kick myself later for it. I’ve been told by people that I’m really quiet and even weird, but I can’t help it or want to be for that matter! I don’t want to come off as arrogant, but there are people a lot who seem interested in getting to know me. We make eye contact, and I can kinda read their body language and stuff, but when they see I’m quiet and reserved they are completely turned off by that. This has ruined many opportunities and its made me depressed at times. I know that there’s no one except myself who can ultimately fix the problem and I’m try very hard to fix the problem. Like you said, you don’t want to talk so that you can make a fool out of yourself that’s exactly how I feel. It’s kinda late but happy 09′

  18. This is exactly me also. I don’t ever know what to talk about or how to start conversations or small talk. Even when out with my mates I can never start a conversation that lasts for more than a few seconds. If I have something that really interests me like a machine or something off the news that I know about I can talk for ages, but who really talks about these things in a bar or club. I also am always told by people that I am quite, I wish I wasn’t though. I think it is partly that I am afraid of peoples reactions or comments to what I say, I am too worried about what other people think of me. I just wish I could be more sociable or learn how to be…..

  19. Ashouraita said:

    I know how you feel.

  20. For the socially retarded there is a gift from god we call “alcohol” that saves us in these situations. at least is saves me. but yeah, social retardation sucks, and nobody cares to understand.

  21. just smoke some cannabis, it makes everything interesting. when everything is interesting, there is much to talk about. 😀

  22. Ashouraita said:

    I still know how you feel…

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