I’m supposed to tell you how my first day at the bookshop went but I feel too tired to recall it. I haven’t had a proper day’s rest ‘cos of the new part-time job and I think I’m feeling the effects of it. Yesterday, I left the office over an hour after going home time because I had to finalise a project with a client who seemed to make every tiny little last-minute changes then. Even though she was the reason I had to leave so late (it was my first time working with her but she was a super nice, friendly lady which made the work slightly easier) I was so glad that I could take off when she approved the project.
Yesterday was the latest I’ve ever left office. Just feel exhausted at the thought of it. And now it’s just started drizzling. That’s going to make the traffic on the way to work very fine and dandy. That is, if you enjoy guzzling petrol at 10 kilometres per hour all the way to work, with moments of accelerating and breaking in between, contributing even more to said guzzling. I don’t even care about arriving on time to work now, since I left an hour later yesterday. Yeah, I know, that’s not an excuse, but I just don’t care.
I hate what work has done to me. I feel like I’m on drugs. I love the money that comes with work because I get to buy things that make me happy, if only just for a moment. But after that I feel dissatisfied and the money’s gone and I need to hold on just a little bit longer until I get my fix of drugs money again. While I wait, I have to endure condescending clients and indifferent colleagues.
I know in life, you’ve gotta do a lot of things you don’t and won’t like doing. That’s what makes the things you like doing more enjoyable sometimes, knowing that not everything you can do is fun and so when you are able to something that is, you’d want to appreciate every single moment of it. But how long can I go on doing something I know I don’t enjoy, when I know the power to do something about that situation is in my hands?
I know I can leave if I choose to. I know if I do choose to leave, it doesn’t necessarily mean whatever I get to do next will be more “enjoyable” than this. But it’s a chance I’m willing to take.
But I also know there are consequences to every decision I make. And therefore I must choose wisely and slowly, because choices made in haste and emotion, as I have bitterly learnt, can be some of the worst choices that could be ever made. But I also remembered the choices I made on a whim turned out to be so much better than I could ever hope it would be. Sometimes it’s just luck, I guess.
Be patient. Be hopeful. Escape into your books. And sulz, remember Thailand!