blogging gobbledygook and such

Weary

I’m supposed to tell you how my first day at the bookshop went but I feel too tired to recall it. I haven’t had a proper day’s rest ‘cos of the new part-time job and I think I’m feeling the effects of it. Yesterday, I left the office over an hour after going home time because I had to finalise a project with a client who seemed to make every tiny little last-minute changes then. Even though she was the reason I had to leave so late (it was my first time working with her but she was a super nice, friendly lady which made the work slightly easier) I was so glad that I could take off when she approved the project.

Yesterday was the latest I’ve ever left office. Just feel exhausted at the thought of it. And now it’s just started drizzling. That’s going to make the traffic on the way to work very fine and dandy. That is, if you enjoy guzzling petrol at 10 kilometres per hour all the way to work, with moments of accelerating and breaking in between, contributing even more to said guzzling. I don’t even care about arriving on time to work now, since I left an hour later yesterday. Yeah, I know, that’s not an excuse, but I just don’t care.

I hate what work has done to me. I feel like I’m on drugs. I love the money that comes with work because I get to buy things that make me happy, if only just for a moment. But after that I feel dissatisfied and the money’s gone and I need to hold on just a little bit longer until I get my fix of drugs money again. While I wait, I have to endure condescending clients and indifferent colleagues.

I know in life, you’ve gotta do a lot of things you don’t and won’t like doing. That’s what makes the things you like doing more enjoyable sometimes, knowing that not everything you can do is fun and so when you are able to something that is, you’d want to appreciate every single moment of it. But how long can I go on doing something I know I don’t enjoy, when I know the power to do something about that situation is in my hands?

I know I can leave if I choose to. I know if I do choose to leave, it doesn’t necessarily mean whatever I get to do next will be more “enjoyable” than this. But it’s a chance I’m willing to take.

But I also know there are consequences to every decision I make. And therefore I must choose wisely and slowly, because choices made in haste and emotion, as I have bitterly learnt, can be some of the worst choices that could be ever made. But I also remembered the choices I made on a whim turned out to be so much better than I could ever hope it would be. Sometimes it’s just luck, I guess.

Be patient. Be hopeful. Escape into your books. And sulz, remember Thailand!

Comments on: "Weary" (10)

  1. Sorry you are feeling weary.😦
    I will gladly wait to hear about your new job at a later date.
    But hurry K? πŸ˜‰

    Just kidding with ya!

    sulz: i think i’ll wait till the coming weekend when i have to work some more. don’t want to jump to conclusions about how i feel about the job just yet!

  2. Exactly what I feel.

    I just wait month on month for my monthly supply of MONEY ! Its become such a sad life, that all we look forward to is the money.

    I so feel like going and working with animals, thats something I have always wanted to do. I wonder when and if at all ever I shall get this dream job.

    Thailand sounds so wonderful. I also try to keep some event for the weekend which I look forward too all through the week!

    Enjoy with your books at the part- time job tooπŸ™‚ Will wait to hear about it.

    sulz: maybe you can try your luck finding a part-time job at a pet shop? or volunteer at the local spca when you have time? hope you have something planned for the weekend then.πŸ™‚

    i don’t like that i’m working just for the money. i want to find a job where i feel proud of what i’m doing! and hopefully paid well enough too.πŸ˜€

  3. Not the right job for you, ultimately, huh? Do you still plan to stay there several more months until your colleague comes back? That would be good for your CV, but I know it sounds a long time to wait. There is a book called “Do What You Love; The Money Will Follow”. It tells how to work your way from the present job in steps. I think you are already starting to do that with your bookstore job, but there are all kinds of ways to do this.
    I hope you find what makes your heart sing!
    Paragraph 3: Have the happiness first, and the money and things will come. (I know, how do you do that?)
    P. 4: Says who? That you have to do things you don’t like? Is that, like, a rule or something?πŸ˜‰

    sulz: i don’t believe it is. it’s very tempting to leave now but i don’t have any better prospects. i’ll just have to be patient! and yes, i’m trying to find a job where i look forward to go to work to and i think i’ll know it when i have it. kind of like me and my shoes – i instantly know if i like them or not!

    i don’t know… it’s like, part and parcel of life! a probability more than a steadfast rule.

  4. hmm.. everyone has that thought once in their work weekπŸ˜‰

    hang in there.. it’ll turn out fine. initial hardwork will definitely pay off.. not just in terms of money..

    sometimes it is sensible to follow the brain (but don’t get the body too exhausted) take care of your health and if it is not being jeopardized in any way go with what is going till you are ok with it. you always have a choice to leave anything that is not suiting you.

    about the part time job too.. reading books is one thing but sitting with them is another. i too fell it is a great job for a book lover and hope you find the joy in working there.

    think what is your priority right now..?

    sulz: i wouldn’t mind falling sick now so i could have a legit reason to stay home!πŸ˜† i’m the sort who hardly gets sick but when i do, i’m really sick.

    i don’t know what’s my priority now. i do know that my work should be it but it’s not!

  5. This maybe just a temporary feeling, but if it’s not, keep your eyes open for new opportunities. Even if a new job is just as crappy, sometimes it’s just the change that we need to get out of a rut. Good luck, eat right, get some exercise and don’t let the world drag you down!

    sulz: yup, of course i’m looking out. just waiting for the right one to come!

  6. Jelly Bean said:

    I guess we’re on the same boat. LOL! Work becomes unbearable when we meet people who are unappreciative of what we’re doing. You know my situation… I’m the unlucky one to get the ‘bad bunch’. Don’t get me wrong though, not all of the people I work with are bad and I still love this job… However, weariness does creep in when I face the disrespectful lot every day. Anyway… Good luck to you!

    sulz: well, at least you have supportive colleagues to tide you over. likewise to you… maybe you’d come up with something to get the students to cooperate!

  7. hey…. ure just a tired I’m sure

    sulz: i sure am!

  8. Who says you must do things you don’t and won’t like doing?
    Though I am sure it is the fatigue doing the talking here!
    Yeah Thailand to look forward to!!πŸ˜€

    sulz: um, experience? i’m still tired replying now! need a break…

  9. Life can be so tiring and monotonous at times. I hope you feel better after some sleep.

    On the bright side, the one with the power to change things is you. Good luck with choices you make; here’s hoping they’re the best ones. The future doubtless has many wonderful surprises in store, but in the meantime, hang in there until Thailand!

    sulz: tell me about it! i hope i make good choices… in the nearer future, i have a movie night with my two high school mates and am looking forward to it very much!

  10. Its impossible to get everything right in your life but the negatives always balance the positives.πŸ™‚

    sulz: i can dream of positives overbalancing the negatives!πŸ˜†

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