blogging gobbledygook and such

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while now, you’d know I’m quite an open person here. I wouldn’t even say in person more than half the things I’d say or have said here, but I’m ever ready to share here. Actually, there are some things which I’ve said here that I’m not proud to say, especially personal posts which I disallow comments. However, I felt that:

1. this is my space and so I have the right to say what I want to here (come what consequences may);
2. I need to get the negative emotions out of my chest;
3. it feels as if I’ve let it out to someone by writing, even if it’s only for myself – but I have indeed let them out to people who read my blog and those who felt compelled enough to respond wrote to me about it, an effort I really appreciate; and
4. I’ve never felt there was someone I could go to about issues of the heart.

Why don’t I have someone like that to go to?

In person, it takes me a long time to open up. To me, my personal issues are extremely private (hence the reason I don’t share my blog with most people in my life) and if I choose to divulge such information with you, it’s because:

1. I trust you; and
2. you’ve shown interest in knowing me better.

The blog is obviously an exception, since I can’t determine who exactly reads my blog. I always kid myself that only the people who comment regularly here are the only ones who are actually interested in the goings-on of my life. The truth is that my family could be reading it and I’d have no idea. Not Dee or M, who are not computer savvy, but other family members. Or even friends who know me in real life and somehow stumbled upon my blog. I don’t know.

Now, I can’t say trust issues are the reason for being so private in person. I generally trust people to the point of naivete. Of course I have a sceptic bone, but most of the time I give people the benefit of the doubt because I’d like to be treated the same way by others. It’s the interest shown by people, or rather the lack thereof, that makes me clam up.

It’s easy to bare all in my blog because this is my space. It’s like being naked in your room. Well, not quite like that, but you get what I mean. In my blog, I do what I want and it’s only for me. I derive pleasure and happiness in comments, but only because I allow them. Ultimately, I blog for myself.

Opening up to people is a different ballgame altogether. When I reveal my personal side, I don’t do it just for emotional release. I do it for bonding purposes. I expect curiosity, concern, reaction, sympathy, empathy, advice, encouragement, the whole nine yards. I don’t expect my problem to be solved, but I like knowing that the person I choose to confide to is thinking about me and hoping for the best for me.

I like it even better when the person asks about an update of that issue in my life. My rule of thumb when it comes to revealing personal information is that if you don’t show interest, it’s simply because you are not interested. So, I have no personal information for people who are not interested in me. I’m not saying I expect strangers to ask me personal questions from the get go; I suppose you’d know if it’s an appropriate question to ask if you feel a connection with me.

That’s why I’m so open here in my blog. Not everybody who reads about my life shows interest, but the ones that do encourage me. They make me want to be better, happier. They help me find the path I stray from. They show me a different perspective in a kind and supportive manner.

So, what do I think of readers who read about my innermost thoughts, my deepest secrets, my random navel-gazing twitter without so much of a peep? Do they care about me? Do they not care about me?

I don’t know. I can’t say they don’t on the basis that I don’t know, and yet I can’t say they do ‘cos I really don’t know. All I know is, I only realise that you care when you show it.

Comments on: "If you don’t show it, I won’t know it" (18)

  1. I completely adore that you can talk about anything here and not be bothered about any kind of family reading your blog issues. I have friends and family who read my blog, and I do at times think before I mention a lot many things which I would have else loved to share with someone anonymous.

    I think I like the anonymous factor of a blog so much. In fact when I hear that bloggers are meeting up and so on, I am not sure whether I would want to do that. I think I will still like to be more of a pen friend of sorts! (Well, maybe if I move to where a good blogger friend is there, then I shall meet up and then be real friends too)

    sulz: that’s because i don’t know exactly who is reading.πŸ˜‰ if i did i think i’d have to move my blog elsewhere! and for that i think i rather not know.

    yeah, i like that about blogging too! but having met two blog buddies in person, i liked that experience and i would love to meet the ones i’m close to online. the not-so-close ones, i’d feel awkward meeting up so soon!

  2. lovelyloey said:

    Ay why so emo!
    Maybe I shouldn’t take it for granted that you know I care.πŸ˜› You know I care right? But I sometimes keep quiet cos I have nothing to say leh. Or maybe I’m too busy – download your RSS feed, read it, no time to comment, by the time I get around to doing it, the moment is lost. HAHA.

    sulz: haha, i wrote this some time ago but never got around to publishing it. okay, now you said it then i know lor.πŸ˜‰ *hugs* i know what you mean about having nothing to say or the moment to say something is lost.

    i think how much care one should show is in accordance to how close a person feels with the other. you’d show more care to someone you feel closer to, and a person who wants to feel close to you would want to know that you care.

  3. I can understand totally what you are saying here about baring it all. Yes, you have no control over who reads your blog but I am sure that you have by now understood who care about you here on blogosphereπŸ™‚
    This is your space, write what you want to. I can’t talk about others, but please put me down among those who care listπŸ™‚ I might not comment on all your posts, does not mean I have not read them.

    sulz: of course you are! i always enjoy the times when we chat on facebook.πŸ™‚ and likewise with me and your blog posts too. *hugs*

  4. I’m really inspired-
    You guys have taken the game of love to another level, I should have been more expressive with my other half before the whole thing crumbled😦

    A lesson learned.

    sulz: thanks for commenting.πŸ™‚ i’ve had regrets in past relationships so i kinda have an idea what you’re going through. when the next one comes along, i’m sure you wouldn’t be lacking in that department.πŸ™‚

  5. Very true that this is your space and you have all the rights and lefts reserved over your life.πŸ™‚
    After all, life is all about the choices we make…isn’t it??

    sulz: haha, yes dev.πŸ™‚

  6. it is really easy to talk about yourself when you know the one who is reading it is actaually interested, otherwise they might not return. and i am happy that you are able to vent out in this positive way.

    it is the same with me i can’t talk but can write anything. i sometimes tell my friend that when i write a mail to her i tend to write more than i wish to but when we sit together to talk i am quiet as a mouse.

    i think many bloggers keep their blogs private from the people they actually know in person. it gives us a sense of freedom to write whatever we feel.

    sulz: yes exactly! totally agree.πŸ™‚

  7. lovelyloey said:

    i think how much care one should show is in accordance to how close a person feels with the other. you’d show more care to someone you feel closer to, and a person who wants to feel close to you would want to know that you care.

    I guess it’s our generation that only started to show care and concern overtly. Now we shout out across the cyberspace to show that we care with hugs and kisses . Our parents at best yell across room to tell us to stop lying down to read because it kills our eyesight apparently. Different ways of showing, and it takes reciprocal love from us to see that it’s care and not nagging. Hmm.

    sulz: that’s true but i think people can tell nagging is a form of showing care, probably more so when one is older, though. like my family aren’t physically affectionate but i know my parents care about me from the things that they do for me. it’s the people who claim they care about me but i don’t see them doing anything to show that (whether by scolding me for eating too much junk food or giving me a hug when i’m upset) are the ones i feel aren’t walking the talk.

  8. lovelyloey said:

    Ay how come I put tag then it never appear. Now it looks like I repeated everything you said in your reply. HAHAHA.

    sulz: plagiariser!πŸ˜›

  9. hey… pretty deep there…
    Personally, I read ur blog cuz I like to!
    as simple as thatπŸ˜€

    sulz: oh, thank you! i’m happy that you enjoy reading what i write.πŸ™‚

  10. thebeadden said:

    Oh, Sulz. What a post! It’s a loaded question.

    I think when I make a comment on a blog it is either that I want to say something in response to the topic or that I care enough about the person and want to support them or even just say “hey, sorry for (fill in the blank)” Reach out, I guess.

    But caring over the internet is different than IRL(In real life). Because you really don’t know the person. Maybe it is more that I connect with certain people. I don’t know.

    I’m not one for chit chat or commenting just because. If I had to leave a comment on every site I visited, I would never be off my computer. I’d never get anything IRL done.

    On the other hand, you don’t know how people would react to you getting personal or asking them how things went. Maybe they would find it pushy or intrusive. Or maybe, like you said, they wonder why you don’t ask and then they are hurt by it. Like you said: you won’t know unless you ask.

    I am nosy and ask things about people from time to time. But I try not to because I feel if they wanted to share that info, they just would. I’d rather leave it up to them than put them off with my nosiness.πŸ˜‰

    Just my point of view. I read every post you write via surfer. Even if I don’t always have the time to comment, it doesn’t mean I don’t care about what you wrote or what is going on in your life.

    Another great post.πŸ™‚

    sulz: like a gun, huh?πŸ˜› this post is definitely not intended for readers who comment regularly here, cos i know they’re reading and am grateful for that! of course i understand people can’t comment on every single post, even i don’t do that.

    i wouldn’t be surprised if there are people in my life who read my blog as a way of catching up with my life without actually being in actual touch with me. that’s the sort of reader i feel uneasy about because here i am, baring it all and i have no idea they are reading that. i’m not sure they are people i would want to reveal my life if i could choose, but it’s a small sacrifice, i guess, in exchange for reaching out with people around the world.πŸ™‚

  11. This is a very wonderful and thoughtful post. I don’t think there are any RL peeps who read my blog, but I don’t write anything there I wouldn’t want them to know. I just don’t want RLs to comment, because they might give away too much—kinda paranoid, I know. But I agree, it is different to have this forum where you can be totally YOU. You OWN this; you don’t have to answer to anyone about it; it’s all for you to express yourself. Also there is the time factor. When someone talks to me, they generally expect an answer sooner than 16 hours.πŸ˜‰ But here, we can think about what you said, and then comment in our own time. My kind of relationship!πŸ˜›

    sulz: thanks, muse.πŸ™‚ i think i write a lot of things there i rather real life people don’t know about, but if they do oh well! yeah, the thinking part here is great. i’m far too impulsive for my own good and commenting has taught me a lot about thinking twice before saying anything!

  12. A blog is a strange thing. I’m still not fully comfortable with the idea of opening up to everyone on a blog. It feels like reading your diary out to the world, you know? Somehow, I think that even silent readers care in some way. People want to know how you are. I have no idea what I’m getting at here. I’m rambling. But you’ve given me a lot to think about with this one, so thank you.

    sulz: i know what you mean. it’s not easy to open up parts you take pains to keep to yourself. the way i’ve been blogging i feel has helped me not just open up to people but also confront myself, especially when i don’t want to face the truth about something. it’s also made me responsible for my words and that’s good – to be aware of how much power your words can have. and you might be right about silent readers. i do that sometimes for that reason. and you’re welcome.πŸ™‚

  13. I used to read your blog a long time ago, two years ago, I think (or maybe less; somewhere in ’07). That was a time when your posts always had a question as their title. However, things in my life went a bit haywire, and I was disconnected from the blogging world. Now when I’m back, the second URL I typed from within WP was yours. And it was quite a pleasant surprise to find good ol’ Sulz. This blog hasn’t changed much; it’s still about life. Yes, your life, but also about life.

    Perhaps life is the one subject that always strums a chord with us. You can have millions of entertainment blogs, news blogs, sports blogs, food blogs, but I’ve never found a more beautiful subject than life itself. Because life is beautiful. And so is your portrayal of it.

    I’m not sure if I answered any of your questions, though.😐

    sulz: i know, i remember you.πŸ™‚ thank you for remembering me and the awesome compliment! that’s me – ever-present in bloggerdygook.πŸ˜€ even when i was away from the country for a month!

    ah well, you were so kind about my blog i’d let you off scott-free for this one.πŸ˜‰ anyway, it’s just food for thought for me when i was thinking about this.

    • You remember me? Now that is something I did not expect. I’m flattered you love your readers so much.

      Good ol’ Sulz is still full of surpises, I see.πŸ™‚

      sulz: well, i read your blog back then too and if i’m not mistaken, you found someone and had a blog with her?πŸ™‚ and besides, december is an unusual username!

    • Yes, and we’re still together. Though not on the same blog, but in real life.πŸ™‚

      And you have an unusually sharp memory.πŸ˜›

      sulz: oh, that’s awesome!πŸ™‚ and you met her online, didn’t you (if i recall correctly)? ah well, only personal details about people.:mrgreen:

  14. 😯 omg!
    πŸ˜€

    sulz: haha, so better don’t reveal what you won’t want someone like me to remember.πŸ˜›

    • Nay, it was a pleasant surprise. Am glad that you do remember.πŸ™‚

      sulz: i didn’t even realise i remember all that about the topic came about!

    • Then coming back to the post, this shows that you do care, and hence you’re all the more justified if you expect the same from your readers.

      “In this blog there are no strangers. Only friends who haven’t met.”

      Wonder how many others can feel the same, let alone put it in writing.

      sulz: thank you for the heartfelt compliment.πŸ™‚

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