A sign that you’re getting older – or growing up, if that sounds more appropriate – is that you meet the other halves of your loved ones in an ‘official’ manner. As in, your loved ones’ love lives are becoming a part of your life too.
Recently, a friend has suggested that one day I meet up with her and her boyfriend. Another friend, who is in a long-distance relationship, also suggested that when her boyfriend comes down I should hang out with them sometime.
I have gone out with a friend and her boyfriend several times. Her boyfriend is a friendly person, but he mostly keeps his focus on his food. Which was understandable, since my friend and I mostly talk about things that he is not involved in.
See, that’s the awkward part. When I meet up with friends, it is usually in a small group and everybody knows each other and have some sort of common thread. When the boyfriend comes into the picture, the common thread is somewhat skewed.
I feel a little bad for keeping up topics of conversation that does not include everybody at the table. It is not nice to exclude someone like that. When I had dinner with that friend and her boyfriend, I tried to include him in the conversation, even though it’s my friend I’m more interested in, conversation-wise.
I haven’t a boyfriend to ‘officially’ introduce to my friends, so I don’t have expectations of my significant other and close friends getting along and ‘approving’ each other. I mean, in the event that neither likes each other, that shouldn’t jeopardise my relationship with either but I guess it’s perfectly natural that you want the people you love to like each other too.
(If I ever have a boyfriend, what would I do then?? I’m not sure if I want do this whole ‘official’ introduction… I keep my social circles (to borrow my friend’s term) ‘compartmentalised’; that is, when I hang out with my ex-classmates/schoolmates, we don’t bring other friends along during our meetings. I don’t know if I want to bring my boyfriend home ever or have him hang out when I’m with my friends.)
Right now, I’m on the other side of the fence, where I’m meeting my friends’ boyfriends and getting to know them. While I’m very interested in my friends’ love lives – “How did you guys meet?” “Why do you like him?” “Are you guys serious??” – it’s another matter to meet these men and know them better for myself, rather than through second-hand accounts. I mean, I guess on one level I do want to know them because they are my friends’ boyfriends. On another level, my social anxieties make me feel, well, anxious about these meetings. What do we talk about? What if he doesn’t like me? What if I don’t like him??
How do people fit in their significant others’ social circles? Do you have personal stories or opinions about your love life and mixing them with other parts of your life?