blogging gobbledygook and such

A sign that you’re getting older – or growing up, if that sounds more appropriate – is that you meet the other halves of your loved ones in an ‘official’ manner. As in, your loved ones’ love lives are becoming a part of your life too.

Recently, a friend has suggested that one day I meet up with her and her boyfriend. Another friend, who is in a long-distance relationship, also suggested that when her boyfriend comes down I should hang out with them sometime.

I have gone out with a friend and her boyfriend several times. Her boyfriend is a friendly person, but he mostly keeps his focus on his food. Which was understandable, since my friend and I mostly talk about things that he is not involved in.

See, that’s the awkward part. When I meet up with friends, it is usually in a small group and everybody knows each other and have some sort of common thread. When the boyfriend comes into the picture, the common thread is somewhat skewed.

I feel a little bad for keeping up topics of conversation that does not include everybody at the table. It is not nice to exclude someone like that. When I had dinner with that friend and her boyfriend, I tried to include him in the conversation, even though it’s my friend I’m more interested in, conversation-wise.

I haven’t a boyfriend to ‘officially’ introduce to my friends, so I don’t have expectations of my significant other and close friends getting along and ‘approving’ each other. I mean, in the event that neither likes each other, that shouldn’t jeopardise my relationship with either but I guess it’s perfectly natural that you want the people you love to like each other too.

(If I ever have a boyfriend, what would I do then?? I’m not sure if I want do this whole ‘official’ introduction… I keep my social circles (to borrow my friend’s term) ‘compartmentalised’; that is, when I hang out with my ex-classmates/schoolmates, we don’t bring other friends along during our meetings. I don’t know if I want to bring my boyfriend home ever or have him hang out when I’m with my friends.)

Right now, I’m on the other side of the fence, where I’m meeting my friends’ boyfriends and getting to know them. While I’m very interested in my friends’ love lives – “How did you guys meet?” “Why do you like him?” “Are you guys serious??” – it’s another matter to meet these men and know them better for myself, rather than through second-hand accounts. I mean, I guess on one level I do want to know them because they are my friends’ boyfriends. On another level, my social anxieties make me feel, well, anxious about these meetings. What do we talk about? What if he doesn’t like me? What if I don’t like him??

How do people fit in their significant others’ social circles? Do you have personal stories or opinions about your love life and mixing them with other parts of your life?

Comments on: "Meeting the Other Half" (7)

  1. i remember when my friend introduced her boyfriend in the group it really became ackward. though he was a nice guy and good to talk to but we always felt he was left out being in the girl’s group. so cant totally relate to you..
    and when i got engaged i made sure we never had any of those situations. πŸ™‚

    sulz: he was the only guy in a group of girlfriends? of course that would be awkward! just like if a guy brought his girlfriend to hang out with his buddies. so you keep your husband at home when you go out, huh? πŸ˜›

  2. I never been in any such situation yet πŸ™‚

    sulz: you will be, i think! πŸ˜› one way or the other, something we are bound to experience.

  3. You know where I stand on this (and thanks for the honorable mention HAHA!)

    However, let me just add on a little here. I realize that at some point or another, a person would want to eventually bring together the people whom you want to keep in your life forever–people whom they feel is important enough for them to want this er, fusion of sorts. Whether it be family, certain friends, even certain colleagues (though, I would preferably draw the line here) … I think the feeling will eventually creep up on them. That’s not to say, of course, they’d probably do this sparingly. Maybe.

    Eh, my thoughts are not flowing in sequence. What I’m saying that I felt this and it was hard trying to break out from the whole, as you said, “compartmentalized” mindset. Well, maybe I wouldn’t call it a mindset but rather a preference. I’ve managed to slowly incorporate my boyfriend into my extra tiny group (well, actually I’d hardly call it a group LOL) of buddies I knew would last a lifetime. It was difficult, I’ll admit that, but now I’m okay with it.

    Since then, I’ve become closer to another person (ask me later) and since then, my boyfriend has become my fiance. At this point in time, I’m quite confident I want this person to remain in my life for a long time–possibly forever if circumstances allow it. Like what I said previously, soon I would like to formally introduce these two people because THEY MEAN SOMETHING TO ME.

    Now I’m not saying that this is a good thing or a bad thing. There’ll still be times when I’ll go back to my compartmentalizing and I think its safe to say that’s natural, but I think what’s important here is the effort taken and enduring all the awkward socializing. From personal experience, I can tell you it pays off in the end. Of course, it doesn’t always work out but let’s not be negative before it even happens.

    I’ll have to cut this short, because I’ve lost track of all that I wanted to say haha! I can NEVER think straight when there’s a tv infront of me. Sigh.

    sulz: i’m not sure if i get what you’re saying here… i’ll just turn up for that dinner we’ll have some day when your darling comes down and see for myself what you mean then. πŸ˜€ you might need a few icebreakers to get us loosened up, i think! or hmm, alcohol can do that trick, right? πŸ˜›

    personally, i guess i haven’t got to that stage yet since i’d need the key ingredient, ie. boyfriend first. haha! maybe it gets easier as we grow up, ‘cos most grown-ups are usually attached in some way or other.

  4. Do you mean like a third wheel? I hate that. That’s why I hang around in groups of four, even numbers rather than odd numbers. Or, hang alone πŸ˜‰

    sulz: well, sometimes the third wheel can’t help being that. like when i met up with my friend with her boyfriend, she couldn’t have met me without him driving her there as she doesn’t have a car. hmm, i prefer hanging alone at home… in front of the computer. πŸ˜€

  5. πŸ™‚ been thru this plenty of times.. infact most cases, am the confidante and meet the boyfriend/girlfriend 1st before others get a peek at them…

    Initially there is a bit of awkwardness, but then it melts away.. and then they begin to blend in, if not, hey they know me in the clan and that puts them at ease … lolz… But bcos its important for me to get along with my friend/cousin’s prospective hubby, i make it a point to spend time with them, get to know them.. there are cases where friendship was lost cos of the hubby too..

    sulz: that’s nice of you. πŸ™‚ yeah, i suppose once the ice is broken it’ll be just like normal. i hope no man will come between me and my girlfriends! that would be so silly and unfortunate.

  6. It is strange to have a long-time friend get hooked up, and then want to spend more time with their boy/girlfriend than you! I always want to say: “Hey, I knew you first!” It’s very hard when you don’t LIKE the new friend. (But, you didn’t say that, here). I once had the opposite experience. I was friends with a couple, and always liked being with the two of them. Then, the husband died young, of cancer, and although I was very supportive and helpful to my female friend, after a couple of years I realized I didn’t relate to her much as an individual, it was better when they were a couple. Isn’t that strange?

    sulz: i’m kinda going through that experience right now, lol! i’m going out for a movie with a friend and her boyfriend this weekend, so we’ll see. πŸ˜‰ hmm, that is strange. but then again, i do have a similar experience with some friends. i would go out with one but not the other; however, if the other joins me and this one friend then it’s fine.

  7. Haha! Enjoy this phase! Off topic, have you had the feeling that you bond in a group much better rather than individually?

    sulz: i’m not sure if this is a fun phase! well, with some friends yes. i like hanging out with a small group of friends, but only if i’m comfortable with them.

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