I just spoke to my boss at the current job. Again, I asked the same question. Again, he gave the same reply. So I’m definitely stuck here in June. Has he found someone to replace me? Yes, pretty much! He’s hiring the person I replaced. The one who made my first two weeks at the job a living hell. Hoho, the irony…
Things at the office are unbelievably slow. The quarterly projects should be coming in by now but are not for some reasons or other. Which means I’m pretty much being paid to do nothing, read (openly as that is allowed by boss), play Facebook (secretly) and blog (not so secretly since you’re reading it, haha). Well, until the projects decide to flood in all at once and toss me into a frenzy.
I hate feeling unproductive. It’s one of the worst feelings to have as an employee, because you feel like a liability and the weakest link. On top of that, it’s hard to keep your eyes open and not fall asleep. I wish I can leave earlier, but they’re keeping me just in case the work piles on next month.
For all the negative emotions I feel thinking about this job, I did learn some things here. I learnt that I can do it, even if people – and myself – think I can’t. (I also feel my experience here built my confidence in dealing with people and believing that I am capable of doing a good job at the bookshop.) But most of my learning, I felt, were done the hard way – that is, through experience. My boss is too busy to help me figure out my job when I first started out. Also, I don’t get feedback on my performance, so I don’t exactly know what I’m good or bad at the job. Personally, I feel I do an okay job but one can tell my heart’s not in it.
Working at the bookshop will be no bed of roses either. Just yesterday I experience what it’s like when a new shipment of books arrive at the shop. Even though I had the easier job of pricing books and stacking them neatly for my colleague to shelve or display, it was tiring and hard work. I carried many piles of heavy books and when I woke up this morning, my arms ache terribly, the way my legs would after a whole day of shopping. It felt like I have arthritis or something!
That said, I enjoy myself far more at the bookshop. It is not without its flaws, its politics, its share of people who dislike me for reasons or other. But at the bookshop, I feel needed. I know my bosses are counting on me. The bosses are the friendliest among the bosses I’ve worked for, despite stories of their infamous tempers (which I have yet to witness). I feel comfortable with most of the colleagues, especially this one colleague and the supervisor. And of course, most of all is that I have passion and confidence for the job I will be doing there.
It’s hard to keep your head focused here when your heart’s already there.