Finished the article! Relief.
Enjoying the rest of the day off with an unputdownable book! Bliss.
Have another day off tomorrow to enjoy! Fantastic.
Twitter-like statements aside, I have been wrestling with some emotions which I feel as if I shouldn’t be feeling. Now that I’ve worked at my dream job for over a month, the rose-tinted glasses have fallen off. It’s only natural that I am beginning to have gripes about certain people and the way some things work at the bookshop. They make up a part of the emotions I feel every day at the shop.
I am confused, however, at the emotions that I feel about my job itself. The things I do at the bookshop… don’t feel like work. And I feel strange about that.
This is the part where you might want to slap me on the head a bit. I’ve been moaning about how my previous jobs felt like such a chore, and now that I’m doing work at the bookshop that doesn’t feel like work, I feel strange about it???
Maybe strange is not the right adjective. Perhaps I feel… uneasy? Yes, but I have no good reason to feel that. I feel… underworked? Yes, but I shouldn’t feel guilty about that!
Don’t get me wrong, I quite enjoy my job. It’s experimental, fun and exciting. The success of which has yet to be proven, but that is where part of the excitement comes from.
It just doesn’t feel like work. I mean, it is work, I enjoy doing it most of the time but the tasks that I do, I feel it does not justify my pay. I feel… overpaid.
Yes, isn’t that the most ridiculous thing to think? This is in no way suggesting that I should be paid less, but it doesn’t stop me from thinking this way. One reason could be that I see most of my colleagues working their butts off for the bookshop but are being paid significantly less than me simply because they do not have a degree. While I get to enjoy sitting on my butt the whole day, should I choose not to help attend to the retail duties.
I’m also finding it hard to accept that my proper title should be marketing executive. When people ask me what I do at the bookshop, the term ‘marketing executive’ comes to mind but I can feel the reluctance in my mouth as I utter them. I don’t feel like a marketing executive. Yes, I have all these ideas on how to improve the bookshop and why we should do it, but that doesn’t make me a marketing executive. That makes me a person who is just saying what she would do if this bookshop were her own.