blogging gobbledygook and such

Difficult to move on

Wondering what I should write for today’s post, I looked through past posts of what I’ve written for inspiration. It would have been really nice if I could muster some philosophical musing like I used to, but alas it is not that today.

Today, it was a virtual walk down memory lane as I read those posts. Here is a quick link. These posts mean a lot to me because they recorded my thoughts during some of the best moments in my life. I am also proud of some of them because they reflected the way I thought and wrote, some of which were very heartfelt. I admired the way my personality was revealed with the words I had subconsciously chosen. Reading them now again, I can see how some people would disagree with my views, but I think what is more important is that I felt so strongly about my opinions that I was confident enough to voice them, even though they could be flawed in argument.

And in speaking of what my heart felt or wondered, I made many friends who related to my thoughts, some of which I am thankful to be friends still till today. They were a big part of the reasons I enjoy the experience of blogging because I didn’t feel alone with my thoughts.

Reading the archives is a bittersweet experience. Sweet because I recall the moments that brought me joy that is albeit temporary. Bitter because I contrast it with my current state of blogging and back then seems much more satisfactory than what is going on here now.

Am I always going to look back in sadness? I keep thinking about the past and go, “I wish I were back in college…” When will I move on? When will I stop wishing I were back in college? Because for all the wishing I can do, time cannot go back. And even I know that if I did go back to college for a Master (is it Master, Master’s or Masters?? I am very confused about this) degree it will not be the same. So why am I longing for something I cannot have again?

Even I have gotten over my last romantic relationship. Why can I not get over my college years? Why is it so difficult to be happy about my present life?

Because I miss the belly-aching laughter I used to have almost every day in class. Because I miss writing posts like the ones I linked in the above link. Because I miss learning about things that people don’t think it’s important but makes a difference to me. Because I miss having a carefree life, having time to read voraciously.

Sigh, here I go again.

Comments on: "Difficult to move on" (3)

  1. I so agree with everything that you have said why you miss college. College life was the best in my life till now and I miss it so much.

    I think that I need to really think about going back for a Masters myself. I know that it will not be the same as under grad as you have said, but then many things might still be the same.. not all for sure.

    sulz: yeah, you could be right. studying for a masters is not going to be the same but it might be familiar. and i might be more suited to learning than working at this point in life.

    i hope things work out for you that you can continue your studies. i can live through your experiences. 😆

  2. Aw sulz, it’s difficult for me to say I empathise on something like this when I still have university ahead of me, but I can definitely sympathise with that kind of wistful longing feeling when you look back on the past. It’s kind of sad, the way things disappear into the past. I guess one of the nice things about keeping a blog is that it’s all archived there, so that’s at least one part of your past you can hold onto.

    Whatever you decide about that Masters, I’m sure you’ll make the decision that’s best for you. It might not be the same, but every new experience brings its own surprises, so you might well someday find something even better than the past you left behind at college.

    Glad to see you’re back online, btw. 🙂

    sulz: hmm, that’s a really nice way of looking at it! i didn’t see it quite like that before you said that.

    masters is really out of the question now because i know i won’t find another job which i like as much as this (though not as much as my days in college heh). so until the days at the bookshop are well and truly over, i won’t consider it.

    yes it’s good to be back online! without it i felt quite disconnected with the world. funny right?

  3. please continue to write and work on your website

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