Wondering what I should write for today’s post, I looked through past posts of what I’ve written for inspiration. It would have been really nice if I could muster some philosophical musing like I used to, but alas it is not that today.
Today, it was a virtual walk down memory lane as I read those posts. Here is a quick link. These posts mean a lot to me because they recorded my thoughts during some of the best moments in my life. I am also proud of some of them because they reflected the way I thought and wrote, some of which were very heartfelt. I admired the way my personality was revealed with the words I had subconsciously chosen. Reading them now again, I can see how some people would disagree with my views, but I think what is more important is that I felt so strongly about my opinions that I was confident enough to voice them, even though they could be flawed in argument.
And in speaking of what my heart felt or wondered, I made many friends who related to my thoughts, some of which I am thankful to be friends still till today. They were a big part of the reasons I enjoy the experience of blogging because I didn’t feel alone with my thoughts.
Reading the archives is a bittersweet experience. Sweet because I recall the moments that brought me joy that is albeit temporary. Bitter because I contrast it with my current state of blogging and back then seems much more satisfactory than what is going on here now.
Am I always going to look back in sadness? I keep thinking about the past and go, “I wish I were back in college…” When will I move on? When will I stop wishing I were back in college? Because for all the wishing I can do, time cannot go back. And even I know that if I did go back to college for a Master (is it Master, Master’s or Masters?? I am very confused about this) degree it will not be the same. So why am I longing for something I cannot have again?
Even I have gotten over my last romantic relationship. Why can I not get over my college years? Why is it so difficult to be happy about my present life?
Because I miss the belly-aching laughter I used to have almost every day in class. Because I miss writing posts like the ones I linked in the above link. Because I miss learning about things that people don’t think it’s important but makes a difference to me. Because I miss having a carefree life, having time to read voraciously.
Sigh, here I go again.