I’ve put this off long enough.
My computer has been fixed over a week ago but I couldn’t bring myself this write this.
I just didn’t want to admit I was wrong, in a space where I’m supposed to feel free to be me. Well, wrong isn’t a state I like to be in much.
I tried to go back to blogging for the wrong reasons, perhaps.
Yes, I have no outlet for personal expression except here. Yet, I don’t feel like expressing myself anymore.
Maybe because most of the audience is gone. Maybe I don’t crave attention with what few eyes are left checking this blog for signs of life.
Ironically, my stats remain the same the entire time I left for my blogging break, as if I never stopped. It is simply because of this post.
It’s not as if nothing is going on in my life. There was that incident where I was verbally abused by a customer. Before that, there was my trip to Malacca to visit my friend and her family. I’ve been using Twitter a bit more than before so if you’ve been checking the sidebar you’d see that yes, I am online and social, just elsewhere.
I still don’t know why I don’t feel like blogging anymore, but I no longer blame my work for my lack of interest. Yes, work does consume a lot of me, but as I’ve said before, I do enjoy my job and I wouldn’t think of leaving it anytime soon. It’s growing and I want to be part of that growth, I want to be the one involved in the change of the bookshop. I want to be credited as someone who helped in its success once the plans my bosses are making are fully accomplished.
I still feel like there’s something missing in my life. I feel that void by escaping to books and reruns of Gilmore Girls. When I read or watch GG, I’m glad that I don’t have to deal with my feelings and problems at that moment. After GG finishes (into fifth season now, there are seven seasons in total), I’ll be watching reruns of Ally McBeal.
Sometimes I wonder, what has happened to me? Why have I grown out of love for something that had brought me so much joy? Why did this part of me have to change? I’ve poured my heart and soul into this for 3 years, doesn’t it mean anything?
I’m still maintaining my other non-personal blog, in case you’re wondering.
I am quitting this blog indefinitely.