i want to write down what happened in my life since i last updated you. why i am leaving this job. what is my next job. when will i begin my new job. in may – that i can tell you, so that if i hardly update in that month, you’d know why. i want to write it not just to let you know, but because i want to record it too.
i just don’t feel like writing it all down. i don’t really feel like explaining my decisions and having them judged by the reader. that sounds rather scaredy-cat, doesn’t it? it’s probably still too new to me that i feel personal about it.
i will tell you in time, i’m sure. i just don’t want to force myself to tell the whole long story now. but let me tell you what’s going on in my life right now.
it is my last week at work. i can’t wait to leave yet at the same time reluctant to do it. can’t wait to leave because i don’t want to do the things that frustrate me. reluctant to leave because i finally feel like i fit in among my colleagues and i enjoy working with them. even though i’ve worked less than a year, i’m considered a senior among the colleagues due to the high rate of staff turnover and a lot of part-timers coming and going. which means i get to bully them. hanging around with younger people is enjoyable to me because i feel young (not that i’m that old but i feel old but not wiser, okay this is another post altogether), i don’t worry about being judged and i can teach or offer advice.
the other day, two part-timers asked me for advice about pursuing writing as a career. even though i haven’t been hired as a writer as such, writing is a big aspect of two jobs i’ve worked at so i felt flattered that they asked me about something like that. i also love to talk to these school-leaving part-timers, asking about their plans for tertiary education, advising them the best route to take, reminiscing about my college days.
also reluctant to leave the staff discount we get and being staff, we get the first pick of the books – some titles can arrive in hundreds or just one copy. we could get the best stuff if we wanted to. i like the working hours and the cheap parking.
i could go on about what i like and don’t like about my job. long story short, i leave behind some good and some bad. but i’m leaving for a better career prospect. this time, i must commit. as jelly bean (or should i call you jambalaya? hahahaha) said to me while we were in the car on the way home after a girls’ night out, (paraphrased) it’s not about how sure you are about something, it’s about whether you choose to commit yourself to it. so i’m telling myself that now.
i’m looking forward to my two-week break before i begin my new job.
ps. i want to add that i no longer feel wistful about not being in college. i’m over that phase and i feel good about that! that’s one step closer to being adjusted to a working life.