ever since i’ve started working full-time, i’ve never really settled anywhere. every few months i changed jobs for various reasons. professionally, most would think that i have not acquired enough working experience in all the jobs i’ve worked. i wouldn’t blame them – how much can you learn if you’ve worked at a place for less than a year?
yet, i personally feel i’ve learnt a lot. there are things i’ve yet to master, but there are also things i’ve accomplished. this job that i’m about to leave is the most fulfilling occupation to me up to this point. sushi said to me in an im conversation recently that in this 10 months working at the bookshop, i did quite a fair bit of things.
in a way, that’s true. i’ve never worked harder in my previous jobs, never been so stressed, never really fit in before until this job. i (along with my colleagues too) was given a workload of more than one person because we’re always understaffed. i’ve never taken an annual leave with this job. not because i didn’t want to, but because the work culture was such that taking unnecessary holidays is frowned upon by the management and i don’t have anyone who could help take over my duties if i go on a holiday.
i’ve changed. i am aware that i’m no longer that college girl. coming back here feels a little strange because of who i used to be. yet, i still feel the same. i’m still horribly insecure. i still feel like i don’t know so much for someone my age. my favourite baskin-robbins ice cream flavour is still maui brownie madness.
i guess the essence of who i am is like a lego tower that you keep adding blocks on. the foundation is made up of the same blocks, but as it grows more new ones are added.
now i’m going through yet another period of change. i have a two-week break before i begin the new job. the new job is going to be scary, but for now my focus is to make my break meaningful in such a way that i feel refreshed and motivated to contribute with my new job.
change. i still don’t like it because i fear the unknown. but if i didn’t let change happen to me, i could still be that girl who pines for her college days. i’m glad i no longer feel that way and to some extent, i’m looking forward to this new phase in my life.