blogging gobbledygook and such

i had to leave.

i didn’t want to leave.

well, okay, i did want to, that’s how the job hunt began. at the end of last year, i was dissatisfied with a lot of things at work. i felt the management had unrealistic expectations of me, i felt unfairly treated, i felt my colleagues were unfairly treated as well… there was just so many things going wrong at the time. i felt angry and i hated to go to work. i felt life totally, totally sucked at that point.

when i decided to begin another job hunt, i started to feel more positive. going to work still sucks but knowing that i’m doing something about my situation – even if what i was doing may not be the right thing for myself – made me feel better. it’s like, sure, treat me like shit… let’s see how long will i be here!

i applied for jobs, got a few calls, got my hopes up… only to have them dashed. at one interview, i found that the pay was too low. at another, the interviewer felt to hire me was a risk as i had been changing jobs too frequently in too short a time. and for others, i just wasn’t convincing enough.

soon, the interviews were something i dread rather than being something hopeful. i expected to be rejected again. but i kept going, even if it wasn’t something i was crazy about because it meant that i was actively doing something about a situation i was unhappy about. (as i said above, it may not necessarily be the right thing for me to do from a professional standpoint, but it did the trick for me.)

i was job hunting for about three months when i chance upon a classified by another bookshop. it’s a larger organisation than the one i was working for. if i got a job offer from this place, it wouldn’t just be a way out of this place but also a blow to the management. i would be using my experience here to benefit a rival company.

after two interviews, i did get a job offer. i attended the first interview for the same position i held at my former workplace. then they asked me to attend a second interview for the position of a book buyer.

before i got the offer, i thought i would jump at the chance to work in this organisation. when i did get it, i felt underwhelmed. maybe because the pay was lower than what i was currently getting. but it wasn’t that. i just didn’t have a good feeling about the job for many reasons i will not elaborate here.

against the advice of the few people i confided in, i declined the offer to work in a rival bookshop. i also decided then that i would stop my job hunt because of all the tumultuous feelings i was going through while contemplating this offer. my previous feelings of dissatisfaction and anger was replaced by guilt.

the day i turned them down, i attended yet another interview. and after that interview, i got a phone call telling me that i got the job of an interview i attended a few weeks ago that i was so certain i wouldn’t get.

this time, i got that feeling i was looking for. i was excited, honoured, quite in disbelief. and no, the money is not more than what i was getting. i have to take a pay cut if i accepted this job.

and i did. went through all the red tape, pre-medical health check, signed on the dotted line for this job.

i don’t want to say what job is it exactly except that i’m working in the media. it is not my dream job (i think i’ve given up on the idea of a dream job now) but in many ways it has its perks. when i am confirmed at this position, i will enjoy the working hours and the organisation’s benefits. most of all, it is an organisation that will teach me so much and all the experience i will gain here will be very relevant in many other places, should i leave the job some day.

so yes, in the end i took this job offer not because i wanted to leave the bookshop. i took this job because i couldn’t say no. i couldn’t say no because i’d be wondering what if i’ve accepted the offer. if this organisation had rejected my application, i would’ve stayed at the bookshop, at least for another few months to see if things will get better.

it wasn’t my time to leave (from a professional point of view) but i had to leave because i can’t decline the opportunity to work with one of the country’s most influential organisations. and i don’t regret it at all.

Comments on: "i had to leave." (11)

  1. Wow!
    God luck and I hope this time, it treats you so well that you’ll never feel it was a mistake taking it up!

    Finding a job you love is one of the toughest things; been there, still doing that! 😀

    • i’m pretty sure i will question my decision time and again when i start this job. but i believe it’s the best one i can make at this point in my life.

      thanks! just looking for a change. like the woody feel.

      may i ask what’s your current occupation now? the post about your last day seems like you work in hr?

  2. And hey! Totally l.o.v.e. this theme! 🙂

  3. I like this theme! New theme for new changes (although, new and change is sort of redundant but meh… )!

    I envy you in a way because I often think about whether turning down the assistant editor job over at Atria had been a good or bad move. I would have loved the experience, but I wanted to stay in my current job for the money. As you know money is a priority right now so that was the obvious choice but I always think… what if. Sigh, I suppose my time will come for better opportunities.

    • i don’t like the pink font but overall it looks pretty good. reminds me of chocolate!

      sue, you made the right call. that job wasn’t worth satisfying your curiosity. you heard my stories enough to know that, surely! it’s not good to switch industries, as you know from my experience.

  4. Sulz, exactly how quickly do you expect to enter the work force and have your dream job? What IS your dream job? Are you qualified for it? Have you got the resume to get you that job? If not, that’s what you should be working on, not looking for more money.

    • actually, i’m taking a pay cut for the new job. i’m not sure about the concept of dream jobs now. i think this bookshop stint was as close as i could get to a dream job. and the reality is that it is very far from what i dream it would be.

  5. Good luck… I have also started on a new job..and keeping my fingers crossed 🙂

  6. Hello little one and welcome back to blogging. 🙂

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