i didn’t want to leave.
well, okay, i did want to, that’s how the job hunt began. at the end of last year, i was dissatisfied with a lot of things at work. i felt the management had unrealistic expectations of me, i felt unfairly treated, i felt my colleagues were unfairly treated as well… there was just so many things going wrong at the time. i felt angry and i hated to go to work. i felt life totally, totally sucked at that point.
when i decided to begin another job hunt, i started to feel more positive. going to work still sucks but knowing that i’m doing something about my situation – even if what i was doing may not be the right thing for myself – made me feel better. it’s like, sure, treat me like shit… let’s see how long will i be here!
i applied for jobs, got a few calls, got my hopes up… only to have them dashed. at one interview, i found that the pay was too low. at another, the interviewer felt to hire me was a risk as i had been changing jobs too frequently in too short a time. and for others, i just wasn’t convincing enough.
soon, the interviews were something i dread rather than being something hopeful. i expected to be rejected again. but i kept going, even if it wasn’t something i was crazy about because it meant that i was actively doing something about a situation i was unhappy about. (as i said above, it may not necessarily be the right thing for me to do from a professional standpoint, but it did the trick for me.)
i was job hunting for about three months when i chance upon a classified by another bookshop. it’s a larger organisation than the one i was working for. if i got a job offer from this place, it wouldn’t just be a way out of this place but also a blow to the management. i would be using my experience here to benefit a rival company.
after two interviews, i did get a job offer. i attended the first interview for the same position i held at my former workplace. then they asked me to attend a second interview for the position of a book buyer.
before i got the offer, i thought i would jump at the chance to work in this organisation. when i did get it, i felt underwhelmed. maybe because the pay was lower than what i was currently getting. but it wasn’t that. i just didn’t have a good feeling about the job for many reasons i will not elaborate here.
against the advice of the few people i confided in, i declined the offer to work in a rival bookshop. i also decided then that i would stop my job hunt because of all the tumultuous feelings i was going through while contemplating this offer. my previous feelings of dissatisfaction and anger was replaced by guilt.
the day i turned them down, i attended yet another interview. and after that interview, i got a phone call telling me that i got the job of an interview i attended a few weeks ago that i was so certain i wouldn’t get.
this time, i got that feeling i was looking for. i was excited, honoured, quite in disbelief. and no, the money is not more than what i was getting. i have to take a pay cut if i accepted this job.
and i did. went through all the red tape, pre-medical health check, signed on the dotted line for this job.
i don’t want to say what job is it exactly except that i’m working in the media. it is not my dream job (i think i’ve given up on the idea of a dream job now) but in many ways it has its perks. when i am confirmed at this position, i will enjoy the working hours and the organisation’s benefits. most of all, it is an organisation that will teach me so much and all the experience i will gain here will be very relevant in many other places, should i leave the job some day.
so yes, in the end i took this job offer not because i wanted to leave the bookshop. i took this job because i couldn’t say no. i couldn’t say no because i’d be wondering what if i’ve accepted the offer. if this organisation had rejected my application, i would’ve stayed at the bookshop, at least for another few months to see if things will get better.
it wasn’t my time to leave (from a professional point of view) but i had to leave because i can’t decline the opportunity to work with one of the country’s most influential organisations. and i don’t regret it at all.