recently i lost my temper a few times. one incident happened on my penultimate day at my previous job. another happened yesterday.
i was angry about a financial situation that i tried to work my way around but couldn’t. it was frustrating for me because i’ve been waiting for my paycheck since i quit my job. because of the financial situation i am only able to withdraw my salary on the day i’m due to begin my new job. i much rather solve my money issues before then as i am planning to make an expensive purchase.
when things don’t go my way, i get upset. i guess we all do, the only difference being the way we react to the situation. i get angry when the chain of events do not make sense to me. i get angry when i feel unfairly treated. you could say i get worked up easily.
i know i have a bad temper and that it could be a downfall, a flaw in my character. when you get mad quickly, you get stressed easily and you may react irrationally due to the anger. i am aware of that and i do try to the best of my ability to control my temper in situations where i realise losing it will not help the situation.
i guess being angry doesn’t help much. for instance, if i’m stuck in a traffic jam, i might get worked up. but what’s the point? my anger does not make the traffic go away. yet, i find that as pointless as it may seem to be angry about a situation i may not be able to change at the moment in time, expressing that anger helps me in a therapeutic sense.
it’s like crying. i try not to cry, but if i can’t help it i just have to let the tears fall. i cry until i can’t anymore and then i try to move on. so like the tears, i release my anger so that i can get over my rage and move on.
people with well-meaning intentions have advised me to stay cool and try not to lose my temper. maybe i lose it more often than the average, even-tempered person. to me, i feel like anger is passion viewed negatively. anger is mostly not a nice emotion. but without anger, i don’t believe there is passion. that’s not to say people who do not get angry are not passionate people. i believe that if you have passion, you have anger too.
anger and passion, they are like two sides of a coin. they are both fueled by a motivation, except that anger has a negative motivation and passion a positive motivation.
so, even though it’s not good that i get angry over things that seem trivial after the anger is gone, i appreciate that i could feel and express anger. because if i could do that, i could feel and express its alter ego – passion.
maybe i should not just express my anger but also learn how to channel it positively. then my anger will be a good thing to possess!