this month, money is tight for me. so tight that i did not pay my student loan and only paid part of my flight ticket to bali to my friend while i will pay the rest next month. i find that i spend a lot on food, so i’ve started writing down what i spend for dinner at work so that i would ‘guilt’ myself into choosing a cheaper option the next time. it’s not really working so far ‘cos food is expensive where i work. i miss my former workplace (not the bookshop) where i could get a cheap and delicious vegetarian meal for less than rm5.
the other day, i thought to myself, sure, it’s not fun taking a pay cut but i was glad that i was not earning too much that the pay cut was too drastic. theoretically, the pay cut is not that much, but at the bookshop i was doing a lot of overtime so in the end i brought home an ‘inflated’ paycheck back then. here, i have not started doing overtime yet so i’m taking home the minimal paycheck.
(actually, i am more glad that i did not let money issues get in the way of me accepting this job, because i enjoy doing the jigsaw puzzle these days, if you know what i mean. and that it means i don’t hold money so highly that it gets in the way of what i think could make me happy. but money makes me happy too. sometimes.)
yesterday, a family member was rueing our financial issues and now i feel bad about my smaller paycheck. i went out with a friend for a book spree and lunch but what that person said ruined the day for me and i did not truly enjoy the trip. i felt guilty for indulging myself (though in reality i spent less than rm10 for the 3 books i bought because i had some book vouchers) when i keep telling my family that i’m broke this month. i had some car troubles yet again and they’ve footed the bill, which might explain their money grouses.
i like this job. i’m learning good things from good people who have so far been nothing but good to me. i like that i’m not too ‘in love’ with this job that i can really enjoy my days off without worrying and have more free time at the moment to catch up on my reading. but with more free time comes the itch to do activities which requires more money. and sadly i’m in that zone where i have to think twice before i take out money from my purse. and the feeling sucks. not funny at all.