It’s 3am and i’ve just got home from another bad day at work. I’ve been having days like these far too often for my liking. It’s not anybody now, it’s just me and how i always seem to screw up at work.
I don’t know how to be perfect at my job because i’m practically a walking mistake most of the time. I bump into table ends, i suck my stomach in to unsuccessfully give the illusion i have curves instead of lumps, i quietly and secretly fart in public. In short, i could never be anywhere near perfect.
It’s not like my bosses are giving me shit about my work, not me in particular at least. But it’s my guilt that’s killing me. I feel like i’m disappointing them. The more they don’t scold or punish me, the more my guilt does those things for me.
It’s 3am and i’m crying in my bed, wishing that i have more esteem than i do now that i won’t beat myself up like this because in the end i’m only killing myself softly this way.
(maybe the next time i read this post i’d think how ridiculously melodramatic i was. But right now, these fleeting feelings are so real.)
Sent from my Nokia 6760 slide