I feel like apologising cos i don’t feel like i write here often enough. Some things happened since the last post but nothing too life-changing, so i don’t feel like i have much to tell you.
Yes, that means the change i was hinting about did not happen. I am relieved, because i didn’t want it to happen. If it did, i would have gone on a different adventure, one i would probably come to appreciate in time after the initial difficulties, but truth is i’m not ready to give up the adventure i am on right now.
Life is still the same old. Go to work, hanging out with the family, hanging out with the same friends, reading books, watching dvds. I want to more things than that sometimes but i’m too lazy and too chicken to pursue something new. I am letting life happen, instead of going out to seek life. I don’t think that’s good for me.
For instance, i had my heart set on travelling overseas at the end of the year with my travel buddy, but she decided she didn’t want to because of work and financial commitments. Any other person would not let this be an obstacle – she’d find another friend to travel with.
And someone even offered to go with me on holiday. But i don’t feel comfortable going to another country with someone i don’t know for very long. If it’s with a group i wouldn’t have such hesitations. So it looks like i’ll stuck with my routine for the rest of the year.
I hate that i won’t compromise to get what i want, simply because i’m either too lazy or too scared. I remember the feeling when i decided to go on a job hunt. I felt empowered, i felt like i was taking charge of my destiny, i felt like i could have the dream job i wanted as long as i had the patience and a little bit of luck.
Now why can’t i put the same spirit into making my annual overseas holiday happen? I don’t know. Well, i think i do know yet it baffles me and frustrates me.
(i am also rather sad that i seem to be writing here only when i need to whine or rant. It is good for my emotional health somewhat, but i still remember a time when this blog gave me happiness. When i would be proud of myself when i wrote something meaningful and eloquent and positive.)
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