I just finished this book called 13 reasons why by jay asher. In a nutshell, it’s about a girl who killed herself. Before that, she recorded herself on cassette tapes, giving 13 reasons why she killed herself and posted the tapes to certain people who drove her to suicide.
I didn’t really like the book. I didn’t think the 13 reasons were good enough for suicide. But what moved me was the way the suicide girl described how she wanted to be helped so much yet she pushed away the smallest show of it.
I do that. Push away help when it is offered, because i don’t trust that it’s sincere, or that it’s just temporary, or that it would actually help me. If you are my friend, and if i ever push you away, that’s the reason why.
I don’t think i’ll ever have the balls to take my own life. And probably whatever crisis of the moment i’ll go through in future will put me in a state of despair that feels very real.
that doesn’t mean i don’t want you to try. Try harder. Don’t give up on me. The harder you try to pull down the barrier, the harder i’ll try, too, to break down the wall from my side.
I hope when i should do this with a friend who’s worth my trying harder, i won’t let my friend down.