don’t know where to start. don’t know how to start. never thought i would be as depraved as i am. i’m ashamed of what i let happen because of cravings.
there’s no one to confide in because i fear being judged. even i am judging myself for what i did, what more if people actually knew what had happened.
i just can’t put in writing. it seems more real if i did.
it’s easy to think you’re better than most when you haven’t been placed in a situation that tempts you, enticing you with the things you long to have.
it feels like an addiction. it is in a way.
i need something to distract me.
we’re all on the hunt for something in life. when we wake up, we hope for a good day. at work, we seek more money, more power. at the mall, we search for the best deal.
i need to stop hunting. especially for the things in life that give me temporary pleasure but kills me inside in the long run.
bloggerdygook 
Comments on: "the worst i’ve ever been." (4)
The best thing to do is to write it down, make it as real as it is/was, and then get over it. Make it a private post — or just write in a piece of paper and then tear it off!
I have NO IDEA what is bothering you, but I guess it suffices to say I could easily have writen this post myself. I could not even bring myself to get that done!! So, in some strange way, I guess I can say I know what you mean/are going through.
Hugssssssssss!!!
Everybody does things they regret, especially pleasure seeking thrills. The scope of the transgression can be great, small or purely imagined. I find judgement is rarely as harsh we fantasize among those that care about us – yet eventual discovery by casual acquaintances and outsiders can lead to overreaction. It is usually best to seek private counsel and from those closest to you that you can trust. Never seek out the most dictatorial or the most laissez-faire in their approaches. Seek out one that will listen and advise- not push, coerce or ignore warning signs. You never know they may have been through similar circumstances.
Worst, really? 😦 I know you have been through some difficult things! Hope hugs help! {{{HUGS}}}
sorry for the super late reply everyone but thank you so much for leaving your comments here. it’s really nice to see familiar names around my blog. i feel better now.