blogging gobbledygook and such

Archive for the ‘Friends’ Category

thank you

the other day, i was thinking about how this place is so useful for me to rant and vent. but then, doesn’t it give a one-sided perspective of my life? it makes it seem as if my life has nothing good in it of late. there are good things in my life, one of them being the readers of this blog who take the time to leave me comments.

i don’t expect responses to my posts because i’ve not reciprocated in that sense. so when i see old friends commenting here, it’s a nice thing to have. so, thank you. 🙂 thank you for saying something about whatever i’ve said. thank you for caring enough to want to leave a comment. thank you for visiting my blog even though i don’t visit yours. thank you for touching my life in the smallest of ways but in the biggest of intentions.

i’ll write more soon, because there might be something going on that could change my life. it’s not a terribly big change if it happened, but it’s a change nonetheless. and you know how bad i am with changes. i may have gone through 4 jobs in 3 years but trust me, those were for many reasons but not because i embrace change. i hate change but like shit, it happens.

anyway, wish me luck. whether the change happens or not, i hope the ending of this story will be the best kind for me.

i’ve been bad with my blog.

and i’m sorry. well, i know i’m not obliged write anything if i don’t feel like it but if there’s anyone who is still checking bloggerdygook occasionally then i’d feel bad there’s nothing new for the past few weeks. don’t worry, i haven’t been kidnapped by the older friends haha. somehow don’t feel the need to share things in my life.

but i should. not so much for your curious eyes but for me to read this in the future, so that i remember what i was going through at this point in time. nothing bad has happened, though nothing particularly good has happened either. still enjoying my job, though there are some things i dislike about it but i just grit my teeth and get them over with. still enjoying hanging out with my colleagues – i feel comfortable enough to be my zany self but not to the point i would open up with really personal stuff. i think that kind of stuff is best told to people who aren’t working with you.

like ex-college mates. i keep in touch with the usual three. i also still hang out with two ex-school mates every now and then. and there’s the ex-colleagues from the bookshop, with whom i can have lunch anytime cos all i have to do is pop by the place. and every now and then i meet up with a friend who’s a book lover like i am, and i borrow books from this person. there’s also my former language teacher who i meet up every month or so because she lives near my former workplace.

so all in all, i am loving my social life. i have many small circle of friends and i hope it will stay like this for a long time more.

i don’t go out all that often though, that said. i need to save up because i’m going on a vacation to bali at the end of the year! if i’m not out, i’ll be at home devouring more books. i try to read half a dozen books every month.

what else, what else… i feel quite empty in my head. i loved that i use to write my innermost thoughts here. why did that have to change? these days i feel as if i have no opinion. and if i do i don’t feel like sharing them here. and even if i wanted to i’d have forgotten by the time i start typing and talk about drivel like the above. but hey, it’s my drivel so…

i guess i would like to be a better blogger but i just don’t have the passion anymore. usually, when i’m feeling like this in the past, i would announce a break in blogging or a ‘i quit’ kind of post. but i won’t do that now, not because i think i will get my mojo back some day but because i don’t have to be the blogger i used to be. i just need to figure out how to fit this blog into my life now in such a way that it fulfills a certain aspect of me and not just there because it has been there for so long. if you get what i mean. i’m not sure what nonsense i write about sometimes!

old friends

(before i start, isn’t it a coincidence that this month’s posts all fall on the 8th? 8th, 18th, 28th…)

my new job (well, it will be my third month in august) teaches me many things every day. i’m also getting to know new people, mostly from my department which has about 20 of us perhaps? but we work in shifts so it’s not all 20 of us each day.

i think a part of us changes when we go through a new experience. it feels like this new job is slowly changing me. i know new people and i’m doing new things at this new place.

one thing i did that stuck out the most to me was that i had a drink after work at the bar near my office. on the surface, it seemed like i was having drinks with two old men (who are my colleagues from the same department).

let me explain that picture. i’m no prude, i do have drinks on an occasion, but so far it’s only with close girlfriends. so the fact i’m having a drink is not unusual. it’s the two old men that may make the picture seem a little wrong, if you knew me in person.

if you knew me in person, you’d know my circle of friends is largely made up of the same sex as i am. i’m not uncomfortable with the opposite sex. it just so happens that in all my previous jobs, there were more women than men. and i didn’t exactly stay long enough to keep in touch with any of them, save the bookshop ex-colleagues.

if you knew me in person, the sight of me laughing and drinking with two old men (old enough to be my father) might seem strange to you and might warrant some questions like:

– why is she hanging out with old men?
– do they have any hidden motives for wanting to drink with her?

before i answer those questions, i must admit i do feel a twinge of awkwardness for hanging out with these two colleagues. not because i don’t want to hang out with them but because of what people might think when they see me with them. (yes, yes, i know i should give a flying fuck about what people think of me just as long as my conscience is clear. let me get to the point first.) i don’t want people thinking that i’m one of those girls – the kind that dates or hangs out with old men because they’re loaded.

now, to answer the questions:

– i hang out with them because one, they’re my colleagues and two, they’re people whose company i enjoy.
– i don’t know if they have hidden motives but they have been nothing but gentlemen towards me and my other female colleagues (though one of them has a reputation for hanging out with other girls my age). i think that deserves the benefit of the doubt if anything.

but really, does it matter that i enjoy the company of two men who are old enough to be my father? perhaps if you don’t know me that well you might question our relationship. but i know me and i like to be around people that i can talk to and tease and gossip and enjoy a bit of fun. they may be old on the outside, but on the inside they are about as young as i am in some ways.

i know about wolves in sheeps’ clothing, and i know my limit when it comes to drinking (two and i get tipsy, haha) and the dangers of spiked drinks. perhaps time might prove my naivete of this friendship. or maybe they are genuine people. my naivete likes to think the latter is the case.

roll call

nessa’s comment prompted me to write this. (i’m not writing to just you though, nessa! 🙂 )

before, my blogroll acted like a list of friends. my blogroll used to say, “here are my list of friends. visit their blogs, please!”

now that i’m starting over, i’m not really sure what it says anymore. i’ve weeded out inactive blogs, even though some i still call friends and do keep in touch with. some are inactive and have not been in touch with them since my hiatus. some are active in their corners of the world but i don’t know if they remember me. on the list are mostly blog friends i am in touch with and are still actively blogging. there are a couple of links there of people that i used to be friends with but we haven’t kept in touch for quite a while but they’re active on the blogging scene. i don’t know why i don’t remove them since i’m not sure what the status of our friendship.

that’s a dilemma for me when it comes to my friends list on facebook. i want my facebook friends list to be made up of people i am in close contact with, because if i am keeping in touch with these people, then i am interested to know more about them. their activities on facebook to some extent helps me do so.

my friends list is made up of old friends, friends made in passing (such as the time i went to macau), friends made through blogging, networking contacts (customers i got to know from the bookshop), ex-schoolmates and college mates, and some random people i got to know while playing the apps on facebook.

the list i find questionable is the ex-schoolmates/college mates list. i stay in touch with very few of them; the ones that i don’t actually need facebook to know what’s going on in their lives. then there are those whose only thread of connection to me now is that we’re friends on facebook.

do i keep these group of people? i’ve been tempted many times to delete them. i like to believe there’s a reason why we don’t keep in touch – there’s nothing in common anymore. then i’m afraid if i might offend them by doing that. if we do not share the same circle of friends, i would not feel that way. and there’s also the point that i might run into them some day in some way, or need their help. (clearly, i’m not much into networking.)

there are people who i am certain i can call friends. but these are the ones i don’t know what to call them.

as for my blogroll, it is still in transition. you don’t have to be in my blogroll for me to call you friend, though. 🙂

i’m not the only one

i’m cleaning up my blogroll list and the blog surfer feature in my dashboard. seems like i’m not the only one who’s quit blogging. about half of my blog friends have not updated their blogs for some time. the other half are either still going on blogging as frequently as before or less frequently but regularly enough. a few like me have moved on to twitter instead.

there’s this phrase about how some friends come and go, some stay for a season and go for a reason, or how some will be in your life forever blablabla. it is true. one day, you might feel so close to somebody that you know almost every aspect of that person’s everyday routine. the next, you’re like strangers.

but on the other side of the coin, there are always new friends to be made. and sometimes some old ones will stay with you, even if you don’t keep in touch.

yes, yes, i’m supposed to share with you what’s currently going on in my life but i still don’t quite know where to start. today i’m just observing that the blogging world is quite ephemeral. then again, so is life!

Dinner with my girls

The beginning of a new month is something I look forward to not just because of my paycheck. As the end of the present month approaches, I would send a message on Facebook to my ex-college classmates to arrange for our monthly dinner.

When we do meet up, it’s not really something special every time. It’s not always stomach-bursting, cheek-hurting laughter. It’s not always value-for-money good food. Yet I always look forward to meeting up with them because I just can’t find anybody else who are on the same wavelength as me as well as these friends. We don’t necessarily have the same interests, but we come from similar backgrounds and have the same values. So I find it easy to relate to the topics we converse about during these dinners.

I also love to reminisce about our class days. We all thoroughly agree that college days were miles better than working life. We would talk about what other ex-classmates are doing now, from what we read on Facebook and stuff.

And then there are two other girls I try to meet up every month. Sometimes we go for a movie, sometimes it’s dinner or breakfast. I’m closer to one girl than the other, but we’ve been hanging out for so long as a trio. I like hanging out with them because of the familiarity.

The older I get, the more I realise the importance of old friends. Old in both senses of the word – friends who are wise in their years, and friends who have kept in touch with all through the years. Friendships like these have shown they pass the test of time. I hope to be friends with them for a long time more.

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