I notice that I’ve been viewing my job and jobs I’m interested in the same way I view guys I like and their potential in a relationship with me.
My current job came to me by chance. I wasn’t looking for a job, but I chanced upon the classified. I thought, “There’s no harm in trying for an interview. You don’t get a job that you are interested in, which is near your house, every day!” And when I got the job, I was only given a day to decide because I was leaving for Macau that weekend. I took it, because again, you don’t get a job offer you are interested in, with a workplace that’s near your home every day!
Just like my previous involvement with a guy, which happened by chance too. I mean, nobody goes around looking to have an Internet relationship… but it happened to me. And I was interested. (Maybe still am. Maybe.) And it would be stupid to turn something you’re interested in down just because of your conception of an Internet relationship and the society’s misconception about it, right? And it’s not like guys are lining up around my block waiting to catch a glimpse of me. So, I took that chance.
The longer I work at this job, the more things I discover I don’t like. Like the condition of the restroom. Or the stifling silence at the office. Or being around people who speaks a language I don’t speak, which makes it hard for me – a natural conversationalist to begin with – to socialise. And then I wonder if I’m cut out for the job. Wonder if this is the right job for me. I was interested, but I’m not so sure if I am anymore. Do I break up with this job?
Just like the previous guys I liked, the longer I got to know them, the more I saw another side of them I was less than thrilled about. My first boyfriend’s fervent faith of his religion, which became the reason he dumped me. This guy’s two-timing streak – he liked me, I didn’t want to be in a relationship, he found another girl he liked, he ended up with her even though he liked me. And she knew it too. (Yeah, we even spoke and were friends for a bit after he left the picture.) And the previous guy’s many many priorities which led to his unavailability. Of course I wondered if I was right to continue my involvement with them then, and contemplated ending all ties (I did at some point and changed my mind later. Can’t help my treacherous heart.).
But then, I think about what I like about the job. I have a great supervisor. I’m making good use of my degree and using my best assets for work (my natural tendency for grammar… but I’m not grammatically perfect, you can find plenty of mistakes in my blog). I have a 5-day week work, with hardly any overtime. Just a few days ago, I even got to read my book because I completed all my work early. (I helped my colleagues until there wasn’t anything I could do. I even rearranged the recycled paper stack and refilled the copier with paper, that’s how free I was. Then I harassed colleagues for more work but since they could find none, I was allowed to read so I could get off their backs. 😀 ) My job is very predictable – nothing unexpected (and unwelcomed) dumped on me last minute. It’s something I know I can do better the more I do it. If I ever consider leaving, this part of the job would make me very reluctant to, because there are no guarantees I will get the same luxury in the next job.
And of course there were reasons I liked the guys I liked. The first boyfriend was charismatic and willing to talk to me on the phone every day (hey, I was 14, and he was self-absorbed.. most of the time he was talking, honestly). This guy was sensitive, intuitive and spoke good English – we were on the same wavelength. And the previous guy was sweet, generous, forgiving and idealistic. Remembering these parts of them is the reason why I’ve always found it hard to get over them and let go. I don’t like guys easily, and I don’t fall out it easily too.
The difference between my job and I, and my relationship and I, is that I pursue my job with my head, and I pursue my relationships with my heart. So far, neither has any proven results. Perhaps I need to pursue my job with my heart, and relationships with my head.