blogging gobbledygook and such

Fighting my demons

An office colleague has lent me her Buffy the Vampire Slayer dvds and i’ve been watching it daily like some teen horror soap opera. Which it is, in a way.

Anyway, as with all protagonists who fight evil, buffy finds it hard to conceal her secret identity. In the show, the friends who know have come to accept it and become part of her scooby gang.

I don’t have any superpowers, but i can relate to Buffy when it comes to fighting demons. Except that my demons are personal. Well, she has her personal ones too, but the ones that really requires her commitment are more of the threat to Sunnydale and ultimately mankind sort of demons.

As i was saying, my personal demons. We all have them and for the most part, we hide it. Sometimes, i really want them hidden, repressed. Other times, i wish i were brave enough to open up and reveal these demons. But almost always, i don’t. Fear of being rejected, not being understood always kept that desire in check.

A few weeks ago, i had a fight with a friend. In the course of the fight, some of my inner demons were revealed. My friend did not understand them. And i was crushed.

I just want to be accepted in spite of my inner demons. But i guess it’s not fair to ask for acceptance from someone who doesn’t understand them, nor wants to.

Buffy may have to save the world over and over again, but she has friends to help her fight those demons, universal and personal. If i were Buffy, i think it’s worth having to go through shit like that with friends like that.

Because not having to go through the bad stuff in life all by yourself, it’s a weight off your shoulders. You know they’ve got your back and you have theirs. I think life is more comforting when you get to share everything with people you care about… And care about you too.

Meanwhile, i fight most of my inner demons myself. Until i can find someone who understands them.

Sent from my Nokia 6760 slide

Comments on: "Fighting my demons" (6)

  1. If they don’t understand it, maybe they’re not the real friends. True friends accept you the way you are: the most they might do is advice…but they’ll ALWAYS understand.

    • i’d like to think myself a true friend to some people but even i sometimes don’t understand their preference over things non-chocolate! 😛 but i do try though.

      you have a point there… i didn’t feel i was being understood or that the person was trying to.

  2. I understand this, sulz! I am going through a similar thing with someone. We all have times when our inner demons surface. The best kind of friend allows you the space to let them out, without being overly frightened or critical. It can be hard to be that friend, and hard to be the one that needs that kind of friend.
    It it’s any consolation, I have always appreciated your quirks as part of the total wonderfulness package that is you. 🙂

    • “It can be hard to be that friend, and hard to be the one that needs that kind of friend.”

      you summed it up perfectly. i wanted that person to be that kind of friend. but in the end we are who we are.

      thanks, muse. 🙂 i’m a shadow of my former (online) self at the moment – i did have quite a personality back then, huh?

  3. I agree with Scorpria. True friends should accept you for who you are! Of course we all occasionally throw tantrums out of life’s frustrations. If there’s a kid in all of us, there is also an inner demon triggered by many reasons.

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