blogging gobbledygook and such

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Ish is the first one to sign up for his handwritten valentine but I’ve saved it for this special day because I’m a bit partial to it. Those are my two stuffed cows and don’t you think they are absolutely charming? I mean, they make great mascots for my campaign to get Ish some lurvve this year. I hope you like it, Ish!

*

It’s Valentine’s Day, I’m single, and I’m honestly not bothered about it.

Seriously. It’s fine that I’m not getting a red rose, or a box of chocolates, or a kiss. I don’t need them.

Okay, I don’t need to write this post too, but hey, I can and I will. This is for no one, ‘cos no one‘s interested in me. No one, here’s 10 things you might like to know about me…

1. My favourite flowers are daisies. I don’t mind roses too. But really, don’t bother with them unless you mess up big time.
2. I like dark chocolate best. The fancier, the better! Good to give anytime, even when I’m 67 pounds heavier from gobbling them.
3. My idea of a good first date is simply to watch a movie, then have supper or coffee. No fancy schmancy candlelit dinners for me. Unless you prepared it yourself, in which case, schmancy the night away!
4. I like gifts, but I will not ask you to buy any for me. In fact, I will insist you not buy anything and if you did, will try not to accept it. Just ignore me and shove it in my bag.
5. Because I have this peculiar habit of wanting gifts but refusing them, please take note of things that I say I like so you will get them for me secretly to shove it in my bag next time.
6. I’m usually aloof and cold with guys that I like. (So if I don’t like you that way, it works the opposite – I flirt shamelessly if you’re just my friend.) So the more it looks like I don’t like you, the more I like you. Sort of my mechanical defense (is this the right term?). Unless you tried to go second base and I clobber you with my bag. Then you know it ain’t no mechanical defense.
7. Personality traits that I like in a man: Confidence, Thoughtfulness, Manners, Intelligence
8. Personality traits you will need when dating me: Perseverance, Determination, Patience, Honesty
9. What I can offer you: verbal diarrhoea, hair-tearing frustration, exasperating ambiguity
10. Why the hell would you want to date me: because honestly, I’m the most amazing girl once you really get to know me, and life is never dull with me (because I’ll be creating some ruckus or other – give me the opportunity and I can pick fights out of air).

No one, you will win bonus points if you

– have a nice name. I am an absolute sucker for nice names. All the guys I used to like have nice-sounding names. I probably was more in love with the name than the guy himself. But that’s not the point, the point is you, no one, are trying to score with me and this will earn you one big plus point.
– have a way with words. All the guys I used to like basically charmed their way through my heart with mere words. So, no one, if you don’t have the gift of the gab, don’t bother. I like a man who knows what he wants, but more importantly knows how to communicate!

I told you you don’t need to know these stuff, but you wouldn’t listen, would you!

Happy Valentine’s Day! 😀

p.s. Oh, if no one‘s interested to know how I look like, here’s a good place to start.

Comments on: "Everything You Don’t Need To Know About My Nonexistent Love Life" (42)

  1. Those cows are absolutely lovely! My favorite is the one on the right.

    And yeah… No One, you lucky bastard! 😀

    sulz: i know! such beguiling eyes it has doesn’t it?

  2. Like it? Like it? I fucking love it! OMG OMG.

    I’m glad you waited till the end to show mine and I love it. The cows are adorable and the message too. I’m the best kept secret of India, totally. And on top of that, I’m sweet, friendly, generous and HOT! That is officially the best thing anyone ever said about me. Gotta love you for what you are Sulz, you’re the best. You made my year, trust me you did.

    saved it for this special day because I’m a bit partial to it

    You saved it for the day before the Valentines Day? Does that mean I should be getting the vibes. More clearly, does that mean you’re hitting on me? Am I the “No one” in the paragraphs above?

    Obviously I am, cause you know I have like the best name in the world and I have a way with words, just the way you like it. 😛

    *runs off to buy daisies, roses, chocolates, a gift that can be shoved into your bag..and and movie tickets!*

    😛

    sulz: awesome! 😀 *hugs*

    err, i’m a bit partial to me stuffed cows, dear! didn’t you read no. 6? 😛 haha… yeah, great name and a wordmonger you are!

  3. 😀 Yay for Ish and Sulz! Do I hear wedding bells? j/k I love the cows, there sooo cuute! No One doesn’t know what he’s missing.

    sulz: hmph, he’s got to impress me more than that! and we have to have met in person first. 😉

    yeah, when is no one the lucky bastard coming!

  4. Those cows are adorable! They almost make me want to be a vegetarian. 😉

    I love your list of points. I’m a white chocolate kind of guy myself, but your idea of a first date sounds like mine. Formal dates bring a lot of pressure; I think a casual movie and coffee or something like that is ideal, particularly to get to know someone.

    And I couldn’t agree more with #10. You’re generous, interesting and a wonderful catch, sulz. I’m sure the right guy’s out there for you – he just doesn’t know what he’s missing yet. 🙂

    sulz: hehe, those cows sit atop my monitor as we speak. 😉 white chocolate? hmm, if we were together we’d enjoy a variety box of chocolates very well… you can eat the whites and i eat the darks. 😛

    as far as having no one, he’s not that bad really! i mean, he doesn’t hog the bed or annoy me… much! haha.

  5. I love this post. You’re selling yourself perfectly, to the point one askes, “why on earth is she still single?”

    Though, she probably won’t be for too long.

    sulz: thank you! 😀 haha, i really hope you’re right! 😉

  6. How many cows do you have?

    sulz: just those two. the one with the beguiling eyes was a free gift from my contact lenses solution and the other was a gift from thailand.

  7. Sulz… thank you for the tips! I’ll follow them them to perfection. And I’ll make sure to make you the happiest girl in the whole world! 😉

    sulz: ??? you sure you got the right sulz?

  8. Sorry if it seems I was spamming your blog but I wasn’t. I was trying to post my message to you, but it wouldn’t post… the page would load again, but my comment wouldn’t appear, so I tried many times. Now all of them appeared at once…

    sulz: no worries, stranger! want to reveal yourself anytime soon?

  9. Oh okay, partial to the cows. Right….

    Yeah, I did read number 6 and I thought I was fine with that because you don’t shamelessly flirt with me. You act cold with me. Remember you refused to recognize me on Meebo so many days back? That was cold. Hence I believe Number 6 is a done deal. 😛

    And I’ve got to impress you more? Come on dude, what more do you want me to do? Like strip and dance in a bar or something like that? 😛

    Btw, I’m not posing as No one if anybody is thinking that. I’m wondering who he/she is though. 😛

    sulz: that’s only ‘cos i thought you didn’t want to chat with me! i did say before that i won’t im anyone on meebo in case they just only want to read my post in peace…

    like, not calling me a dude? that’s really romantic, now! 😛 oh, i don’t know, go get your chest waxed or something! :mrgreen:

    it’s not you? you’re not bluffing, right? i mean, i’m not saying that it’s you, but since you brought that up…

  10. Happy V-Day Sulz! You don’t need a guy to feel special. You are lovely anyway. 🙂

    And I love that Valentine for Ish. Somehow, I had a feeling that you will be doing this on the 14th. Your cows remind me of my house slippers. They’re furry, pink and have Hello Kitty stuck to the front. 🙂

    sulz: happy valentine’s day to you too! you’re right, but at the same time i would love to be loved and love someone. 🙂

    if you want one, all you have to do is ask… 😉 haha, i never thought you’re a hello kitty person! but then again, how can you not like just about the world’s cutest kitty? 😛

  11. So, you and ish, eh? 😉 Well, whoever “no one” is, he’s a very lucky guy. This was a daring post for V’day. You are such a complicated and eccentric creature! All that with the gifts and the bag and all…don’t know if I’d be able to keep up!
    Anyway, on V’day and every day you have so many people here on your blog who love you, sulz. I am one.
    I goes to sidebar now and hugs u. 😀

    sulz: haha, he’s got a long way to go if he’s really interested! 😉 but there is no one! (i have no idea who’s the ‘no one’ who left a comment!) heh, you don’t have to keep up since i don’t think you like me that way… 😛

    yes, i feel very very loved today! *hugs back at you*

  12. Sulz ditto to muse, you are probably going to come into your own as you get older. Keep up the sassy attitude, Anything that comes too easy isn’t worth having anyway…..that’s my motto…….except for thrift shopping that is! Have a lovely Valentines day knowing you have made a lot of people very happy……..which is kind of the whole point anyway.

    sulz: well, i hope i didn’t scare any potential suitors away! haha… but if he’s scared then perhaps he’s not the guy for me. 😉 happy valentine’s day to you too! yeah, who needs a guy when i’ve got many many friends to love?

  13. Nope, that no one guy is somebody else. It’s not me. I thought that was a dumb thing to have said. Anyone who thought it was not me will think it’s because and will thing that I said that line out of self defense. But hey, it’s not me. 😛

    Calling you a dude is not romantic? What is a guy supposed to do?! If you call women chicks, they seem to think it’s derogatory and if you call them dude, they think it’s not romantic. 😛 I’d get my chest shaved anyday..not a big deal. 😛

    sulz: a bloggerdygook mystery!

    yeah, i don’t want to be called a chick either. it’s wax, not shave… but save your chest hair for that special girl in future. :mrgreen:

  14. Ish and Sulz sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

    Sorry, couldn’t resist myself. 😛

    sulz: it’s impossible because ish is so light and i’m quite heavy and we will topple off the branch from my weight alone!

  15. I like daisies too, but I prefer gerberas, and tulips, and red roses (esp the nice-smelling ones at Cameron Highlands) and lilies and sunflowers … well. I like flowers. Heh.

    sulz: put that on your blog so if any guy’s interested he’ll know what to do! 😛

  16. I thought that was a dumb thing to have said.

    Since when wanting to make a girl the happiest in the world is a dumb thing to say? I think that’s a legitimate sentiment, and the girl you love is well worthy of it.

    Sulz:

    No, I won’t reveal myself. I did not want to post again, but I felt compelled to say why my comment is not dumb.

    This will be my last comment ever. Until I muster the courage to contact you directly, know that you have a fervent admirer who hopefully, one day, will conquer your heart 🙂

    Please delete this if you consider it necessary.

    sulz: 😯 isn’t it a little too early for april fool?

  17. No One, corny much?

    sulz: corny and stalker-ish! should i be scared? 😯

  18. @No one: Dude, I meant “my saying that I wasn’t you” was a dumb thing to have said. I don’t have anything against you trying to make her the happiest girl in the world. You completely misunderstood what I wanted to say. Or maybe I didn’t say it properly. Anyway, I’m sorry.

    @Sulz: We can always find a good branch that won’t fall from our combined weights. If we do fall though, we’ll say we re-discovered gravity and will become famous. And rich. 😛

    sulz: you may not have anything against him but i sure do since i have no idea who is he!!

    haha, how does discovering something that’s already been discovered make us rich? 😉 i think kissing on the swings is much more fun. or maybe not. we might get giddy/sick from swinging and kissing at the same time, hahahahah!

  19. 😀 Interesting post! Considering your passion for T-Shirts you should have some Bloggerdygook Shirts printed up titled with individual shortened versions of each revelation.
    Happy Valentines Day!

    sulz: i doubt anyone would wear it as much as the idea excites me! 😛

  20. Nah, you shouldn’t be scared. Probably is just a random guy who’s trying to be cute.

    sulz: … the ‘random guy’ doesn’t happen to be you, is it? *eyes narrowed in suspicion*

  21. I forgot to ask, was you able to see the 3D effects in my Valentines post this time? I know you was unable to see the deer the last time.

    sulz: nope, can’t see it either! my eyes are just too small i guess, haha!

  22. Ish’s valentine is the coolest yet! I think you’re in denial about him: you’re clearly made for one another. 😉

    You rock sulz!!

    sulz: haha, really? now you are caught up in my lurvve campaign for ish, but it’s directed at the wrong girl honestly!

    oh, thank you so much! 😀 you rock too!

  23. No, is not me. If I wanted to win your heart, hmm… how can I say this?…. you’d be my girlfriend by now 😉

    sulz: oh, okay. just thought i’d ask! guess we’ll never know who’s my mystery stalker-ish commenter.

  24. sulz: oh, okay. just thought i’d ask! guess we’ll never know who’s my mystery stalker-ish commenter.

    yeah… I guess will never know…

    (Just kiddin’, I just couldn’t resist 😛 )

    sulz: oh, stop teasing the poor guy already! 😛

  25. Awesome valentine for Ish there! I have to agree with others here and say that you two do seem to have quite a chemistry between you. C’mon guys….give it a chance….make it a wordpress love story! 🙂

    Regading anonymous commentors, I’m willing to bet that there are dozens of lurkers who share in their admiration of you. You don’t always find “chicks” (more on that in a moment) with as much pizaz an personality as you. It’s quite refreshing actually.

    I’ve got to agree with Ish about the whole “dude” thing. I use that all the time and don’t restrict my usage to one gender. It’s also a figure of speech, as is the case when something unbelievable happens and you simply reply “Dude!!!!!!!” This is usually followed by “No way!!!!” or “Sweet!!!!”

    I also use “chick” a lot, but never in a deragotry manner. I use it when I’m being sarcastic or trying to be funny by using “stoner talk.”

    I.e., “like, that chick is like totally hot, dude!”

    Also, realize that most guys only refer to attractive girls as “chicks.” If a guy calls you a “chick” that generally means you pass his initial assessment process in his mind. “Chicks” are often girls we would date. Girls we don’t find attractive enough to date are seldom referred to as “chicks.” In that sense it’s sort of like calling a guy a stud or a stud-muffin.

    By the way, can I ask a really dumb question? Could you give me step by step instructions at some time for how you post pics the way you do? How do I get them to open in a separate page at a larger size? I tried everything I could think of when posting your valentine pics on my blog and couldn’t get it to work. They either posted in gigantic form or as thumbnails. I tried linking back to the URL on your blog for them and no-dice. Remember that I’m still very much a noob at all this. 🙂

    sulz: haha, like i said, i’m not that easy! he’s got to get his chest waxed. 😛

    it’s not the dude thing that bothers me but rather it just doesn’t sound very romantic to me. i’m fine being called dude of chick in a friendly non-insulting manner. but i understand better your explanation about the usage of dudes and chicks now, even though i don’t call any guys i find hot a studmuffin! haha…

    dozens of lurking admirers may be pushing it a bit! they won’t count anyway because the one that counts is the one i’m actually aware of.

    and that is not a dumb question, because i myself can’t answer it! hahaha… i’ll email you the code. 🙂

  26. @Sulz: Paris Hilton discovers and rediscovers stupidity everyday. That makes her famous and rich. So why can’t we? 😛

    @Juan: Ahem, it’s not me. If it was anyway, why would I be arguing with myself in her comment section lol?

    @kstafford: Gotta agree with everything you’ve said. Especially the first paragraph. 😉 😛

    sulz: oh, how can i argue with a wordmonger!

    now, see, that’s what puts you off the scent, because who the heck would argue with themselves? if they want to look like it’s not them, that’s who! 😛

  27. Awe man, now this reminds me of my favorite scene in “The Life of Brian.”

    Brian of Nazareth: “Look, I’m telling you, I’m not the messiah!”

    crowd: “Only the true messiah would deny his own existence.”

    Brian of Nazareth: “What? Well alright then I am the messiah!”

    crowd: “The messiah!!! The messiah!!!! He is the messiah!!!”

    🙂

    sulz: hahahaha! 😆

  28. ROFL kstafford.

  29. daisies? aren’t they weeds? is this an intentional misnomer?
    3,4,5,6,7,8 and 9 were all copied directly from our manual that we never, ever let men read. sulz gave all men all over the world direct insight into our very souls on v-day!

    sulz: are daisies weeds?? well, i guess it quite matches who i am – common and ordinary amongst the rest, special on its own. 🙂

    haha, i didn’t know other girls are like that too! maybe some guys can report back on this? 😛

  30. they don’t know sulz. they just… they just don’t know. ;)when we tell them how it is, when we tell them what to do to ensure they do it right… they do it, absolutely. and that’s exactly when ‘the rules’ change. it’s a mystery. it will always be … a mystery. it keeps them coming back for more. they love a challenge.

    sulz: so i shouldn’t have told no one and get frustrated if ever someone shows up not knowing what to do? haha…

  31. […] stay shut or else she’d blurt out something useless. And the best thing, Sulz made this extremely amazing superb handwritten valentine for me. Here’s a […]

  32. #

    😀 Interesting post! Considering your passion for T-Shirts you should have some Bloggerdygook Shirts printed up titled with individual shortened versions of each revelation.
    Happy Valentines Day!

    sulz: i doubt anyone would wear it as much as the idea excites me! 😛

    You should, I’d buy and wear by the hundreds, if you make some XL ones of course. 😀 Wow, this “No One” commenter means business huh? Looks like Ish has some competition. 😛

    sulz: of course i’d do xl sizes, i don’t size discriminate! and they’re very comfy to wear to sleep, them big t-shirts. 🙂 oh well, maybe if i ever start my t-shirt business i could consider it!

    no one feels more like someone i probably know taking the mickey out of me!

  33. Competition? I’ve given up already. The guy seems much more aggressive than me anyway. Will probably catch me on some road and kill me someday if I make more passes on sulz. 😛

    sulz: hahaha, he does seem so, doesn’t he? 😛 but not aggressive enough to reveal himself!

  34. @Ish: so your giving up sulz that easy huh? 😀

    @sulz: you should, and I’ll be your #1 customer.

    @”No One”: reveal yourself already!

    sorry, very impatient. 😛

    sulz: haha, i wouldn’t hold my breath for no one’s name! 😀

  35. the suspense is killing me here.

    sulz: haha, please don’t die on my account! or rather, no one’s. 😛

  36. I’ll try not to, but I can’t guarantee anything.

    sulz: haha, what a kidder! 😛

  37. aren’t you interested in finding out?

    sulz: i’m dying to know! haha.

  38. I said I wouldn’t post again… but I didn’t promise anything, so…

    No, I won’t reveal myself yet. I’m simply not ready. And I don’t know when I’ll be ready. Maybe I just want to be cautions and not to be labeled as a stalker… because I’m not.

    Besides of being interested in Sulz, I respect her very much and I wouldn’t like to do something that would hurt her in anyway.

    sulz: oh, but you’re not hurting! you’re probably ‘hurting’ me more by making me so damn curious! haha. 😛

  39. so long as you’re not stalking.

    sulz: well, i haven’t received anything in my e-mail or real mail, so yes, i do think he means what he said. haha! 😉

  40. good then

  41. […] And since I like to mix things up a bit, the following six facts are related to my nonexistent love life yet again. See previous related posts here and here. […]

  42. […] { } I wrote the post below last year for Valentine’s Day, before I got inspired and wrote this silly piece instead. How things have changed since then. Some people I mention below I pretty much no longer […]

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